Who The Hell Is Scott Crawford, And Why's Sheryl Letting Him Soil Her Fine Magazine?:
An In-Depth Look
by Scott Crawford
Welcome, true believers, or photon warriors, or something. This month, I'll discuss something I'm somewhat of an authority on (no, not drinking while operating heavy machinery, that's next month...): myself. If you're anything like me, and god help you if you are, when you've read something that you like, you can help but be curious about the person who wrote it. Of course, I'm already suspending my own disbelief, and making the gross assumption that you've actually enjoyed my last two articles for Collector Times, but work with me here, I promise I won't make fun of you for being obsessed with Jean Grey like I did last month. =)
So, for those who made it through my meandering introductory paragraph, here's the scoop on me:
Name: Scott Crawford
Age: either 6 or 85, depending on my mood, but my birth certificate says I'm 24
Birthday: June 12th (send me presents, castlings!)
Sex: jeez, honey, can't you see I'm trying to write an article here? Maybe later, after wrestling's over.
Place Of Residence: the nexus of negative energy known as New Jersey. I'm convinced that the planet Qward in the Anti-Matter Universe was modelled after this joint, only for whatever reason, Wolfman and Perez (as well as their predecessors, whose rendition of Qward I haven't seen) left the Camaros out.
Occupation: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...er...former model, managing editor, music publicity intern, erstwhile musician, and occasional peddler of second-hand goods. Currently managing a video game store, and writing for whoever lets me.
Marital Status: single, not seriously dating anyone, but looking for someone to breed with someday when I'm rich, have wrested the "King Of Pop" title from Michael Jackson, and rule this inferno. In the meantime, to quote a wise man, "Hello...ladies!"
Career Goals: in addition to the things mentioned above in "Marital Status", my other major goal is to leave such an impression on this planet that even 2,000 years from now, when people hear my name, their reaction is "Oh, JESUS CHRIST!" >:D
Favorite Quote Of The Moment: "Half of me is the Earl of Greystoke...the other half is WILD!"
-Christopher Lambert as Tarzan, from the movie "Greystoke"
Hobbies/pastimes/things I do when I'm avoiding doing what I should be doing: music (both listening and playing), video games, comic books, Major League Friggin' Baseball, watching those nice wrestling programs on the television, action figures, wasting gross amounts of time on the computer, and agitating,
To be more specific, since that covered a lot of ground, let's go subject by subject:
I listen to more music than most people have heard, and definitely a wider range than most people like, so narrowing that down is hopeless. I play keyboards, bass guitar, play very little guitar, and I sing; eventually, I'll finish a record that I have completely written, but not recorded. God help you all if it ever does get finished, because it will DESTROY you. >:D
I have about 30 different video game systems, give or take a few, and somewhere in the thousands of games. My personal favorite system is the Atari 2600, and the greatest video game of all time is Custer's Revenge, which you shouldn't know about if you're a minor, but since when did that ever stop minors?
Comic book-wise, I'm a sucker for old Marvel Two-In-Ones, 80's indie comics, anything old and obscure, and Pre-Crisis DC, especially oddball stuff like The Creeper or Metamorpho, or stuff that deals with any character on Earth 2. Books I'm reading currently include Avengers, Catwoman, Starman, Iron Man, Mage, Green Lantern, Capt. America, and some other crap.
I'm a Yankee fan, though I'm not one of those Yankee fans that set people on fire outside the ballpark. I need better lawyers first.
Yes, I watch pro wrestling. Deal.
I have a lot of super-hero, G.I. Joe, and Star Wars figures, though not nearly as many as I'd like to. I also have a lot of oddball figures, like my MASH Alan Alda figure (who can often be found posed in compromising sexual positions with my Super Powers Green Lantern figure. Why? I dunno...), and my Remco AWA/NWA wrestling Ric Flair figure.
I spend WAY too much time in front of computer screens. Lately, it's been divided between working on my web site (the URL of which I won't give out on this site, because it gets way too...um...adult for CT's readership...>:D), IRC (EFNet channel #comicbooks and #gothic mostly, but also other channels as I see fit to harass them...), Ebay, and lately, playing a LOT of Reversi on Yahoo Games. My Case's Ladder nickname on Yahoo Reversi is eartheighteen (after one of the greatest bands ever), so get at me, dawg! Or something.
Finally, my agitation habit. I LOVE getting under people's skin and aggravating the living crap out of them. Especially in those situations, god bless 'em, where I'm doing the right thing and combatting evil, ignorance, or people who don't think for themselves very effectively. I mean, I'll do it anyway usually, but when I'm able to claim the moral high (or low) ground, forget it, you're DONE. Ask anyone I argue with, especially those I argue with on IRC. (Hi, Drew! :D)
That, more or less, covers what you need to know about me for starters. Hope I didn't bore you too much with the details. Of course, I was supposed to have some fandom-related content in here, something of relevance to y'all, but hey, I can't always be relevant. Most days, conscious is a bit of a stretch.
Just to make it up to you, though, I'm going to end the column with a contest! All you have to do is answer this essay question:
If Boba Fett was gay, who would he be attracted to, and why?
Send your answers to sdcrawford@earthlink.net, and the winning entry will recieve mention in my next column (assuming Sheryl doesn't pull the plug on me for this one) for Collector Times! Maybe I'll send the winner a labelless Atari 2600 cartridge or something, too. Maybe this could even be turned into a "win a dream date" thing, no?