"a few words from your lord and master"
by scott crawford

been a cold couple of weeks in my part of the universe. icicles cover the trees, everywhere you look here. makes them look like they're made of crystal. for all intents and purposes, i suppose they are right now, except for the fact that a little too much sun, or a stiff breeze can cause shards of it to rain down. it's really kinda fascinating how something so beautiful can kill you. that about sums up my week.

speaking of cold, anyone who hasn't already read the most recent issue of transmetropolitan ("nobody loves me", #31, i believe) should march to their local comic shop right goddamn now, buy it, read it, and get really, really depressed about how fucking dead on ellis was. warren, you're a beautiful man, but NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. =)

for those wondering what i've been up to since last issue (sheryl insists that you're out there somewhere, but i'm not convinced. drop me a line and prove otherwise), well, here goes. i did have illicit sex, i haven't had nearly enough drugs, i'm still cleaning up around the apartment, to make room for the hanging plant, and i still haven't set fire to any homeless people. i think that's gonna be the one that gets me this year.

i've been working with the band i play keyboards in, murder in the dark (don't blame me, i didn't name us) on some new material (we should have it recorded sometime in april), and whittling away on my own album (which should be recorded right around the time that hell freezes over). i'm accepting applications now for groupies, er, i mean publicity interns.

mini show review:

damn. for any of you who haven't heard of MSI, read this. needless to say, i was curious going into this show, and damn happy when i left. little jimmy urine and the gang raised tha roof, rocked the hizzouse, and did the friggin' hokey pokey. ok, they didn't do the last one, but urine did dress up like a roman centurion and ride one of his roadies through the crowd. he also threw a snowball into the audience, after singing part of one of his songs on main street in asbury park; locked a girl in the ladies' room; pouted for part of the set, on the edge of the stage, while lamenting "that his life sucks so much, he's signed to elektra records...he's so forlorn, this should get him laid" (paraphrasing a bit here); and he played a few songs with his niggazz, some of which were from mindless' upcoming release "frankenstein girls will seem strangely sexy", due out february 22nd. um, if you people have any taste, BUY THIS RECORD. it's really, really, wack. more info on the band at http://www.mindlessselfindulgence.com.

and finally, a big, fat shoutout goes to a friend of mine whose work has been showing up in the toy world in a big way. if any of you happen to see art asylum's ozzy osborne "bark at the moon" doll, or their "space ghost coast to coast" figure, have a look at the back of the package, and look for the name "eli livingston" among the creators. i've known eli for probably about 8 years or so, and when i saw that art asylum's head honcho, digger, had made good on his word to give his staff credit on the packaging, it felt pretty good. seeing the name of a guy who i went to see kiss with (sorry you ended up sitting next to the fat guy, it wasn't intentional...) on the package of a toy made me damn proud of him, especially considering what great stuff the toys have been so far. eli, if you read this, keep on "rockin' and rollin'", as dirk diggler would put it, and let's see some more figures real soon (eddie! eddie! eddie! eddie!)

oogiewawa!

-s

Scott Crawford can STILL be reached at sdcrawford@earthlink.net, or, if you're feeling especially daring and your mommy and daddy say it's ok, go to http://home.earthlink.net/~sdcrawford/ and visit his home on the web.

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