"a few words from your lord and master"
by scott crawford
"a few words from your lord and master" |
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before i get started this month, i have to ask: which one of you people
knocked up celine dion? don't you realize the effect this will have on
the future? it's kind of like some weird reverse version of the plot of
"the terminator", only instead of sarah connor's son saving the earth,
the dionspawn will destroy it! you selfish, selfish people! so what if
you've saved us from the "my womb is barren, but my heart will go on"
tour? DAMN YOU!!!!!!! welcome to this month's "a few words...", the column that asks: is it a bad idea to have a link to the dogsex web site on the same web space as your resume? discuss. in reference to my article last month on music piracy: dr. dre's little buddy eminem sold 2.5 million copies of his new "the marshall mathers lp" record in it's first two weeks of release. is that proof positive enough that if the product's actually GOOD, people will buy it? "stealing money out of his kids' mouth" my ass. like his kids haven't got a mouth full of gold teeth to chew the goddamned food to begin with. any time you wanna shut up is fine with us, dre. (and, if you're wondering, at least from my first listen, "the marshall mathers lp" is a fine piece of bidness. "you don't...wanna fuck wit' shady...('cuz why?)...'cuz shady...will fucking kill you...") the old man received a visit from the boss' daughter this month. yeah. that's right. for one week, and a little less than a day, i was entrusted with the safety and well-being of the ct's own sidra roberts, also known as "the future mrs. scott crawford". a good time was had by all. to answer your questions about sidra's visit, in order:
while sidra was here, i had an interesting experience on a new york subway train. we were riding in this one car, and there was a guy who had one of those panasonic "palm theatre" portable dvd players. my comment, as i was looking at this man watching a dvd movie on a train, was "that's great. all he needs now is a tv tuner or a mini-satellite linkup, and he's set." then, it occurred to me. this gentleman had the power to watch dvd porn with the angle feature anywhere he wanted to, and it just WASN'T enough to keep me happy. somehow, the ability to view hardcore pornography in clear digital quality, from multiple angles, while riding on public transportation didn't quite cut it for mr. crawford. "oh, that's nice, but..." i wonder about myself sometimes. do any of you ever have thoughts like this, that make you feel incredibly spoiled after you look back on them? is it me, or does the movie "chicken run" sound like some nambla thing? cool thing of the month that you may have already heard of, but: if not, go check out the site. yes, they're serious. they're making a fully functional online edition of the guide, and you can contribute to it. on a side note, been a little lax about contributing since i signed up. i should do something about that, no? well, that's it for this month. kind of a short one this time out, but i have a plane to catch. the gummint are finally letting my old man and i go back to cuba. good riddance to this stinking country, man! i don't care if i did get my own commercial out of it! no amount of pokemon cards is worth having some INS schmuck shove a machine gun in your face! madre de dios!
oogiewawa!
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