"a few words from your lord and master" |
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a sad note to open this month's edition: RIP dwayne tinsley, lead
cartoonist for hustler magazine, and creator of chester the molestor.
without having his name thrown around a lot, like some of the
better-known cartoonists do, dwayne touched the lives of millions of
people, in ways that made us all feel icky. here's hoping there's as
much debauchery wherever he is as there was in his drawings. =) now, onto happier news. no new episodes of "survivor" for months! i actually caught about 10 minutes of this show that all the lemmings rushed to their cliffs to watch, and, damned if it wasn't a less-compelling episode of "the real world". do you people all feel such a pressing, dire need to belong that you have to pretend you're entertained by this? i'm sorry, but professional wrestling is far more "reality-based" than crap like "survivor", in my not-so-humble opinion. i mean, people like kurt angle, buh-buh ray dudley, lita, hell, even the KISS demon in wcw is 100 times more believable than this "rudy" that the morons seem to be all the rage about. if you'd like my opinion on what they should do with the next "survivor": put people on the island, and let 'em kill each other. the last one alive wins. none of this punk-ass voting shit. it'll be a little harder to keep it as "episodic" if it isn't scripted like that, but this is a good thing. say everyone kills each other the first day. GREAT! INSTANT RATINGS! get another batch, and do it like "who wants to be a millionaire": "richard, you killed everyone on the island, and won a million dollars. you can walk away now, or you can take on a whole new island full of contestants for 2 million! what do you say?" the network gets tons of ratings, dysfunctional people everywhere get their shot to kill legally for fame, and the gene pool gets just a little healthier! sounds like a win-win proposition to me! they could even have a "survivor jr." where small children get to kill each other over pokemon cards...oh, wait, they do that already, it just isn't televised. anyone know when they're going to bring back adolescent radioactive black belt hamsters? what a GREAT book. chin? parsonavich? help us out here! we, the hairy-palmed comic readers of the world need you to return clint, bruce, chuck, and jackie from their exile, and grace us with their greatness once again! i haven't even read all of the original saga yet, but even if the ghastly rumor i heard about one of the hamsters dying is true, it'd STILL work as a new series! they can always bring him back as DARK HAMSTER! as i said, i haven't finished my ARBBH V1 collection. i'm trying like crazy to get ahold of all the back issues at the moment, but it's a tough order. i'm looking for ANY issues, because i can always use doubles to pass on to worthy individuals. if you have them, email me, and we'll make arrangements. personal, self-aggrandizing quote of the month:
"man, that ellen must have some dick on her." best thing i've found on the internet this month: . they give out free email accounts, too! sorry, i took all the good ones, including this one. and, finally, it's pledge drive time again: as some of you may know, CT's own sidra roberts and i are getting married. i decided i wanted to bring a little something special to the wedding reception, a little scott crawford flair, if you will, and i thought, "what better way to celebrate the union of two people who are very much in love with one another than to have slayer play at the wedding reception?" then, part of me began to think, "you know, maybe david lee roth might be a better choice. he knows a lot of standards, he's slightly more photogenic, and none of his songs are about joseph mengele!" i'm still torn, but graciously, our own editor-in-chief (and my future mother-in-law) agreed to either of these, as long as i pay for the artist of my choice to be there. so, here goes: if you'd like to see sidra and i have the beautiful experience of having either slayer or david lee roth play our wedding reception, and have access to paypal, please send your donations to sdcrawford@earthlink.net via your paypal account! (please indicate, with your payment, whether you think i should go for diamond dave or slayer.) the wedding's not until july, 2002, so you've got plenty of time to make the magic happen! let's see those donations! Scott Crawford can STILL be reached at sdcrawford@earthlink.net, or, if you're feeling especially daring and your mommy and daddy say it's ok, go to and visit his home on the web.
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