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* Looks around wearily and raps cane on the ground * Back in my day,
Barbie was not politically correct, Barbie's parents weren't procreating
like rabbits, and while Ken's sexual orientation was questionable, there
was no solid proof one way or the other.
Recently at the grocery store, I ran across Jewel something or other
Barbie. The gimmick with this doll is you can use sticker gems to
decorate her dress and her midriff. What is this, the Christina Aguilera
doll? In my day, Christina probably longed to look like Barbie, not
vice-versa. Another thing I found disturbing about this Barbie was the
amount of make up she was wearing. I discovered Barbie in the 1980's.
You'd think that if Barbie were to wear a whole lot of makeup, that would
be the time. Barbie's makeup designer must be going for the whore look
currently. Barbie's eye shadow is bright pink and goes all the way up to
her eyebrows. Barbie now wears blush. Do you remember Barbie
wearing blush? I certainly don't. Especially not so bright you can definitively
see it.
Oh, and let's not forget Barbie's body has now changed too. Apparently
some whiny ass feminists thought that Barbie's boobs were too big. So
Barbie has had a mandatory breast reduction. What I also noticed is that
they've changed her waist too. It looks more like a real person's waist.
What up with that? We all knew Barbie wasn't a real person. Barbie
additionally has these molded on emblazoned in plastic underwear on her
lower half. Ummm, excuse me. I don't recall Barbie being anatomically
correct. Were we afraid that some little boy was going to raid his
sister's Barbie collection and see the wrong thing? In my day, you could
buy underwear for Barbie and change it to coordinate with her outfits. Of
course, Barbie's underwear and shoes were always the first things to be
lost, but that's another story completely.
Speaking of underwear being lost, what up with the number of siblings
Barbie's getting all of the sudden? Did Barbie's parents forget what
condoms were for or something? Perhaps the better question becomes,
why on earth does Barbie have to take care of all of her siblings? I mean,
where are these glorious parents? They can buy Barbie a corvette, a
dream house, a mansion, a town house, a mobile home, oodles and oodles of
clothing, but they can't seem to hire someone to watch their kids for them
other than Barbie? With all of her various careers, Barbie should be able
to find herself a man and start her own family. Why on earth is she
stuck taking care of her parentÂ’s mistakes? Are they just too busy
screwing like rabbits to take care of their own children?
More recently Mattel revealed why Barbie isn't married and having
children yet: Rainbow Prince Ken. I kid
you people not. He's got a multicolored tunic and a rainbow right by his
head in the packaging. Someone finally decided it was time to let poor Ken
out of the closet. Poor Barbie needs to get some self esteem and stop trying
to convert Ken and go after a real man. Thank God they're coming out with
twelve inch G.I. Joes.
*wraps cane on ground again* I swear in my days Barbie used to have
standards. I ask you all what happened?
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