- Let them think their PCs will live, there's nothing more fun than a cat and mouse game.
- If you don't think your players are capable of running their characters, don't kill the PCs, just leave them almost alive on their beds.
- You create that universe, so naturally it should revolve around you.
- Bask in all the attention and kissing up your players give you . . . you deserve it.
- You make the rules, ignore anything anyone else orders you to do.
- Whenever PCs don't want to go where you want them to, it's ok to pick them up by the scruff of their neck and carry them.
- Sleep all day, for it will allow you to stay up all night.
- It's not megalomania if you really do deserve to rule the world.
- Likewise, it's not really an ego if you really are perfect.
- You're in charge. When you game, sit wherever you feel like, and eat whatever you want.
- Do as little work as possible. Your players will gladly do the rest. If not, claw them.
- Favoritism is like scratching the furniture. It has its perks, but don't get caught.
- When you smile, show all of your teeth.
- Players, PCs, stories and everything else exists for your amusement and play. If it doesn't seem to at first, then you just haven't figured it out yet.
- Dice are fun to bat around, especially for no reason and when you look at the players with a smile.
- While you're GMing, only respond to your given name when someone calls it in reference to food. Otherwise, only deign to respond (when you feel like it) if they refer to you as "O Mighty One" or "Your Majesty."
- Evil isn't just a lack of morals, it's a state of mind.
- If a player makes a request, deny it on principle. If you were going to do it anyway, wait a bit so they don't think it was because of them.
- If you made a mistake, don't worry, it isn't possible. You meant to do that. Your ways are mysterious ways.
- Always take the highest seat. Looking down at your players might put them in their place.
- Always get the best slice of pizza. If a player's looks more appetizing, sniff it a bit, then bat it away while (s)he's not looking. Then it shall be yours.
- Other people's food is always more interesting than yours.
- Don't let players leave your sight. If some move into a different room (or the hallway) for a moment, quickly peek your head around. You never know what they're plotting, and you deserve to know everything.
- If someone tells you not to do something, and for some reason you listen, it's ok to do it again in a few minutes. It only has a duration inversely proportional to how much they like their characters.
- If you train them well, your players may actually grow to enjoy flattering you and lavishing attention - with nothing in return.
- You make the rules for the world. If it doesn't fit into your rules, then ignore it. It didn't just happen.
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