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This month, in a very special edition of Random
Thoughts, we continue doing exactly the same thing that
we've done since I started writing this -- I type, and you
read what I type. Continuing on with this successful, and
highly popular "How To" series, I give you "How to Roll
Dice."
"How to Roll Dice (or,
"If You Need Help With This, Then
You Need More Help Than I Can Give You")"
-- The Player Version
Gather dice that are appropriate for the occasion.
Hold them in your hand (or hands, if there are a bunch).
Move your hand to the side, releasing them -- a flat surface works best.
Read the numbers on the top of the dice.
Repeat if necessary.
Sound simple enough, eh?
Let's get started.
1. This is the most important, and complex step. It's
also the first step, so I have the most energy to put into it.
Let us break it down, taking each word out of context
and thus ruining any useful meaning that the original
phrase had.
We'll start with the word "gather." This is very similar to
the word collect. It is often used in the phrase "Hunters
and Gatherers," which is a reference to modern society --
We hunt for those out of print RPG books, all the while
gathering our money together to buy a pizza for our
game. Some people are under the mistaken
impression that the phrase refers to ancient, less
civilized societies. They are obviously wrong, because
although Rolemaster is certainly old, I would hardly call it
ancient. In context, though, this means to try and find
those oddly colored, polygonal cat toys, after you
accidentally left them out at the last game.
Next up is the word "dice." It either means to chop
something into small cubes (usually represented by a
"roll" of a high number), or it means bad luck, often
preceeded by the word no (and is usually symbolized by
a low number). In context, they're those things (other
than the GM) that do the opposite of what you want them
to. You want high, they give you low. You want low, they
give you high (or give you low anyway, because you
were trying to fool them -- they're smarter than you). As
a side note, weighted dice can sometimes alter this rule.
This will be covered in a later module: "How To Cheat
at your RPG (or, How To Give Me Your Name, You
Cheater, So I Know Not to GM For You, or At Least
Blackmail You By Threatening to Tell the GM in the
Game You're In"). Remember, also, it is normally the
number on top that is read, not the one that most closely
matches what you want.
Moving on, we have the word "appropriate." In order to
figure out (or at least mangle beyond recognition) this
mouthful of a word, let's start by reading it out loud a few
times: appropriate, appropriate, appropriate. Now that
people are looking at you oddly (or perhaps not,
considering your taste in literature), we can continue.
Let's break this word down phonetically. First off, we
have an "a," We know that when used as a prefix, it
means "not." Next is the word "pro." While we might
think of it as short for professional, it actually means
"for," as in, not against. An example would be a
pronoun, which refers to someone that likes to use
nouns alot. So far, we have Not For. After that, we're left
with priate. Together, this gives us, "Not For Priate."
This makes absolutely no sense, so let's get in context.
This is probably the most important part of the most
important part right here. I've seen many games get
bogged way down by too much dice usage, and I've
seen some games get way to \par Finally, we have
occasion. A simple definition means a specific point in
time. This matches the context -- you shouldn't be rolling
dice all the time, unless you're a GM.
This takes us to number 2. Hold them in your hand(s).
This is very important, as some people may be rather
disgusted if you put them in your nose, or mouth. On the
other hand, who knows what is funny or not after a long
night of playing? It depends on the caffeine levels in
one's blood. If you have an alternate method, say,
telekinesis, the men in the black suits will be at your door
shortly. Thank you for playing.
Moving on, we have number 3. Move your hand to the
side, releasing them. Beside the admonition on the
original listing, there are a few other factors at work
here. Technique is important. In order to facilitate the
best answers we could think of, we did some extensive
testing. This testing involved a padded room with a half-
dozen RPers who hadn't slept the night before, and had
been given doses of caffeine approaching the levels
necessary to launch a horse into orbit (Note: No real
RPers were harmed in the making of this experiment.
They were all Call of Cthulhu players***). We came up
with a bunch of answers, but also a few questions. Here
are the results:
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- Shaking the dice before you roll is very
professional. Shaking in general is often a natural
reaction to prolonged caffeine exposure.
- Don't move your hand with too much force.
Otherwise the dice may travel farther than expected
(some are quite aerodynamic). This not only makes it
harder to read them, but four sided dice tend to be
rather caltrop-shaped. Sometimes they're not hard to
read, as the person you hit with a die will kindly return a
few in a similar fashion.
- What causes those weird stains on cafeteria ceilings?
- Timing the release is very important. See number 2
for possible effects. It looks pretty unprofessional when
you forget to let go, and they end up hitting you in the
face, or if you let go too soon, and they end up in your
lap.
- A flat surface is important for reading them. The
more sides a die has, the more likely it is to roll.
- Do we really want to know the answer to number 3?
- Code Red is not nearly as good as the original.
- Dice bounce, but do so dangerously in padded rooms.
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There you have it, straight from our experts.
Almost there. 4. "Read the number" is rather important.
Without it, the other steps are unnecessary. The only
skills you need are the ability to read, or perhaps count if
your die has dots rather than numerals. The methods
used in the previous step have a large effect on this.
Remember, it doesn't matter what face you read it from,
as long as you're consistent (I like to read from the 6
face on a 6-sided die).
5. Repeat if necessary -- Sometimes you have to roll
more than once. And remember, if you make a roll you
don't like, that was just a practice roll. Try again.
Players can stop reading here.
GM dice rolling rules are highly similar to player rules,
with a few minor exceptions:
In step 1., you determine what is appropriate, and what
pizza to gather. I usually prefer meat toppings.
In step 2., sometimes using your own hands is
cumbersome. I recommend having a slave (player) roll
for you in those situations. Make sure they understand
it's a reward to be able to help their GM like that.
In step 3., as tempting as it is to launch dice at players
sometimes, remember that they may not read off the
correct numbers...they might read off the ones they want
you to roll. I suggest rolling behind a screen, and smiling
alot. See step 5's additions for more details.
In step 4., remember, you are the GM. If it's a number you don't like, then
obviously reality is mistaken. Choose the one you wanted to roll.
Step 5., Repeat if necessary, is completely changed. For GMs, it is Repeat
Whenever it Would Torment the Players. For your GMing pleasure, it is
always best to roll unnecessarily. Try to preceed these rolls by saying things
like, "Bob, what's your character's perception?" and then making a clucking noise
after you roll. Wincing works too. This is less effective if you don't
have a player named Bob in your group. Try to replace Bob with whatever name you
need. I usually keep a strong GM smile throughout my game. That way, when
players see something good, they don't recognize it as such. An example:
| GM: |
GM, after making a bunch of rolls that favor the players quite a bit: "You
come across a huge pile of gold, it seems to be unattended." |
| Player1: |
"Cool! We were almost broke!" |
| Player2: |
"Yeah, this rocks!" |
GM: |
"Well, what are you going to do?" |
| Player1: |
"Oh man, he's smiling! It's a trap!" |
| Player2: |
"I run the other way." |
And there you have it. Please see the GM note below, if you don't
understand why this would be fun. Thank you for playing.
Any questions, or comments, please email me at the link at the bottom of
this article. Please include a method of payment. I do accept paypal.
*** - As we know, Call of Cthulhu players are a separate
species than normal players. This is why we had the
padded room. :)
GM Note, as a GM, it's important that you do the
opposite of what your players want. This is your chance
to exert power in your life, and what fun is power if you
can't abuse it?
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