6 out of 10 on the Spiff-O-Meter
Sidra Here: Are Zack and I the only ones that thought Blade 2 was
pretty weak? Yeah, the action looked cool, but I can
just imagine the brainstorming panel for writing the
movie going something like this:
Writer One: It would be cool to have a major sword
fight in front of a wall of UV flood lights.
Writer Two: It would be cool to have a major fight in
a vampire safe house or a sewer.
Writer One: How about both?
Writer Three: AWESOME! But how do we make it all
coincide?
Writer Two: Hmmm ...who cares?
Writer One: I got it! I got it! There are new
uber-vampires that feed on vampires and are immune to
silver and stabbing.
Writer Three: And Blade has to team up with the normal
vampires to stop them and starts to fall for a pure
blood vampire!
All: Yeah thats the ticket!
Youre thinking theres got to be more plot than that.
Honestly no, not much more. The visual effects
arent that stunning but we nearly fell out of
our chairs when we saw the UV light grenades go off
and the light flow around corners like viscous
molasses fire. Additionally, the excuse used to bring back
Whistler was lame. Whistler was one of the coolest
characters in both movies. However, bringing him back
after implying that he commits suicide to avoid
becoming a vampire in the first movie was lame.
This is Zack now. I have successfully taken over this
review. First this review, then the CT!!!
mwhahahahha.
Yeah, so anyway, like Sidra said, the writers of Blade
2 chose to obey the laws of physics when it was
convenient. First Ill discuss the light grenades.
These light grenades arent to be confused with the
really cool ones from Mom and Dad Save the Planet,
which incinerated anyone stupid enough to pick it up
(the grenade had "Pick me up," printed on them, and
this was a planet of idiots; you do the math).
Anyway, the light from these grenades could "flow"
around corners in a big dank sewer complex, and
incinerated all the uber-vampires, who could
apparently only be killed by sunlight, and being
stabbed through solid bone into the heart, which has a
difficulty of doing a Death Star trench run, and is
about as successful. Anyway, so this ghost looking UV
light is flowing around, and contrary to normal light,
the good vampires had time to dodge it (a very
questionable dodge). Last time I checked, one cant
see light coming. By the time you see it, it has
already hit you. Enough of that though, we still have
many more laws of physics to break. The only evidence
of gravity in this movie is that things usually
eventually came down to the ground after leaving it,
and they walked on the ground. Thats it. Go watch
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Its not quite that
bad, but you get the idea. Conservation of Energy?
Who needs it? And so on, and so forth.
I havent touched on plot, because there is none to
speak of. Go reread the top.
The movie is not all messed up though, it did have
some redeeming features. When Blade was stalking off
to go kill the bad guy, Whistler throws him his sword.
Then Blade starts to walk off again, and Whistler
yells "Wait!" and then throws him his sunglasses :D
There was also a comment of when Blade met a vampires
lawyer:
"Youre not a vampire?"
"Not quite, Im a lawyer."
etc etc. "Its my article and Ill stop when I want
to, stop when I want to. You would stop too if it
happened to you."
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