Here it is, a new year. I’ve been thinking about something a lot recently . . . that the more things change, the more they stay the same. This being a theme, I’ll go back to the old way this column used to be written. As you know, with Gaming becoming more mainstream (and fantasy elements being popular again, like Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings), many new, more normal people are trying out roleplaying games, not just the geeks of old. Taking a lesson from most internet providers, rumor has it that Wizards of the Coast is going to be providing some tech support for these newer players. I tapped a few of the insiders in Wizards of the Coast, and found out some information on the RP Tech support tests. My friends managed to get me a tape of some of their top calls. Here’s a transcript: Top Calls to TSR Tech Support: Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Well, my friends and I have been having this argument about the thAC0 for Tech : ThAC0? I’m sorry, but it sounds like you’re using Dungeons and Dragons edition 2 or earlier. This is no longer a supported version. Please upgrade to edition 3, and this might even solve your ThAC0 argument! Have a nice day! Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Well, my friends and I are about to play in a high level campaign that this guy I know is running. I was thinking of making a warrior-mage that wore magic armor but could cast mage armor. Do you think these things would stack? Tech: I’m sorry, but this sounds like an OEM game, not run by Wizards of the Coast staff. I’m going to have to refer you to the Gamemaster for that. Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: My dice aren’t working right! I was in this important battle, and I needed to kill the ancient red dragon that was attacking my friends! I rolled a one and dropped my sword, and now we’re all dead! All of my friends are having the same problem! Tech: Have you tried rolling your dice again? Caller: No . . . one second. Caller: Oh, great! A twenty! That fixed the problem! Tech: Excellent. Have a great night. Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Hi! I’m using the character sheet that came with your third edition book. This is my first really long running game, and it looks like I’m about to run out of room for my equipment. What should I do? Tech: I recommend that you find a piece of scrap paper somewhere, and paper clip it to the character sheet. This should hold the extra information. Of course, another option is to upgrade to the three page character sheet. You can download that from our website. Caller:I’ll try that and call back if I have any more problems! Thanks! Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Hi! Until recently, I’ve been only a Whitewolf player. Since my group is switching to Dungeons and Dragons, I was wondering if I could convert my favorite character. Tech: I’m sorry, but Whitewolf currently isn’t compatible with our Dungeons and Dragons system. We are working on an interoperability standard, called d20. Check back with us in the future for more updates as to who has most recently been assimilated. Thanks! Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Hello. I’m a new Gamemaster, and I just started a campaign. My players are getting bored, and I think I need some monsters. I have the Players Handbook and Dungeon Master’s Guide, but I don’t see any in there. What can I do? Tech: I have great news for you. You can upgrade to our Monster Manual, now for a low price of 19.95, with no monthly fee! Caller: Really? Great! I’ll do that! Tech: Hello, and thank you for choosing d20 Tech Support! How may I aid you today? Caller: Huh? I can’t get onto the internet! Tech: I’m sorry, but you have Wizards of the Coast tech support. You may want to call your internet provider. Caller: Wait . . . aren’t you free tech support? Tech: Well, yes . . . Caller: Can’t you help me? They want to charge me! Tech: I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that. Caller: If I buy something from you, you’ll have to help me, right? Tech: I’m sorry, not with this. Caller: You’re rude! I’m never going to buy anything from you, and I’m going to tell all my friends how bad you are. What company are you again? Tech: We’re . . . uhhh . . . GURPS. Yeah. Have a nice day! Hmm . . . on second thought, maybe roleplaying is better off not being mainstream.

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Text Copyright © 2003 Chris Reid E-mail Chris at: Tembuki@hotmail.com