Bush Administration Announces Stunning New Change

WASHINGTON, DC -- In a move that alarmed privacy analysts, President Bush announced yesterday at a press conference that the Federal Government will be converting over to the d20 system, following in the footsteps of many private organizations. "Long has the Government been composed of a mishmash of different agencies, all doing their own thing, following their own rules," President Bush said, holding up a twenty sided die for all to see. "But with these twenty sided dice, or D 20s as we like to call them here, all of that is about to change." "Much like the varied texts of roleplaying games, switching to the d20 system will allow all the pieces of the Federal Government to interact with each other, it will also help the common person understand how things get done here. From now on, we’re rolling on the table, not under." After saying such, President Bush rolled the die. "A nineteen!" he exclaimed, checking his character sheet. "If I include my diplomacy skill bonus, it comes out to a 37. This means that everyone will welcome this announcement with applause." Security industry pros have long suggested that the President might make such a move. "It was only a matter of time before something like this happened," said security analyst Ashlan Aydan Richardson. "With this change, Bush could easily get a cloak of +6 charisma, that would really help him in the primaries." Bush’s stats, now thought to be 16 Strength, 13 Dexterity, 11 Intelligence, 15 Wisdom, 15 Constitution, and 10 Charisma, might be changing as the administration gets a hold of some high powered magical items. Bush’s highest attribute, Strength, gives him a +3 bonus to strike and damage, plus it aids in his climbing and jumping skills. Although not all of the attributes of the cabinet members are known, Secretary of State, Colin Powell was thought to have the highest charisma, at 17, while Rod Paige, the Secretary of Education, is thought to have a much vaunted 19 Intelligence. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was quoted as saying "We have some people now in Iraq with the Craft Miscellaneous Magical Item feat, they’ll be using some of the experience they get there to make us some great stuff. I can’t wait to get my hands on an item that will increase my [constitution] to even more potent levels." Not everyone in the government was happy with the conversion. "What?" Tom Delay R-Texas said in response to the changes. "How can I have a 9 Dexterity? That’s going to give me a -1 to a lot of my skills, and my ability to hit with a ranged weapon. Also, my hitpoints are way too low." National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice opined "At first I was hesitant to switch over to d20, I didn’t see how it would work with the rest of the government. But then, I was in a store and saw that BESM had switched over to d20. BESM, of all things. Who would have thought that a gaming system, that was just a system that could be used for anything, would switch itself over to d20? I mean, if BESM could do it, then anything could. Given the versatility of the d20 system, I can see now that it is the way to go." "People laughed at me when I first decided to take the President prestige class," Bush was later quoted as saying, "But now I’ve shown them. Combining 8 levels of Businessman, 7 levels of Governor, and now 3 levels of President has given me many special abilities. They all share similar class skills, allowing me to spend my skill points on the same skills time and time again." "You think I’m good now? Just wait until I get into Epic levels. I’m really looking forward to some of those feats." Bush then rolled a 18 on his concentration check, and teleported himself without error to an undisclosed location, effectively ending the press conference.

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Text Copyright © 2003 Chris Reid E-mail Chris at: Tembuki@hotmail.com