Random Thoughts by Chris Reid

Yours truly has gotten a hold of a few new recordings from calls to d20 tech support. Let's see how they're handling their latest round of calls.

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: Uhh... my character just leveled up. I want to put in level 2, but there's still a 1 in that box there.
Tech: Hmm... are you using a standard character sheet that came with your book?
Player: Yes.
Tech: Have you tried erasing the old number and putting the new one in it's place?
Player: The last tech had me try that. It didn't work.
Tech: I've noticed that some of our sheets are incompatible with pens. Did you use a pen to write down your information?
Player: Yes, I did. Oh... was that bad?
Tech: I'm afraid so. We're going to have to copy all of your data onto a formatted character sheet, in pencil this time.
Player: Oh, ok. I hope I don't lose anything...

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: Hi! I've been having this problem... I'm playing in a high level game, and my Ranger just isn't as good as everyone else. I spoke to some of my friends that use the same class and they have the same problem. What can I do?
Tech: That is a known issue and should be resolved with the new 3.5 update. You can purchase this at a local bookstore for only 30 dollars.

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: Help! I'm fighting some monsters, but none of my spells are hurting them!
Tech: Have you tried casting spells of a different energy type?
Player: No... let me try. [pause] No, no luck. Do you think it's a problem with my spells or my character?
Tech: Try casting a different spell on yourself.
Player: Ok... wow, that worked!
Tech: I don't think it's your spells or your character. What type of monsters are you fighting?
Player: Baatezu.
Tech: Oh, those have spell resistance. Try upgrading your levels and take the spell penetration feat. That should take care of it.
Player: Thanks tech guy!

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: Thank goodness it's a real person! I need help, I think my character has a virus. I'm playing a cleric, but my cure spells don't seem to help.
Tech: What are the symptoms?
Player: Well, I keep losing points of con every week.
Tech: Have you tried running a heal check scan?
Player: It came up negative.
Tech: Hmm... it might be a magical virus. Have you tried casting Remove Disease?
Player: Yes, twice.
Tech: How about Heal?
Player: I've tried that too.
Tech: Have you tried casting Remove Curse?
Player: Yes, that didn't help.
Tech: Try casting Remove Curse, then Remove Disease, followed by Heal.
Player: But I've already tried all of those.
Tech: Try them in that order, it's important.
Player: Ok, let me try. [pause]. Hey! That seemed to fix it.
Tech: Great! Now cast Restoration, and you should be good to go.
Player: Thanks! I feel better already!

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: I don't know what to do. My character got killed by Trolls, and rest of the party abandoned her. Whenever I try and do something, the GM says "You can't do that, you're dead."
Tech: There's no way for any of the other party members to help you?
Player: No, they all ran away and won't come back.
Tech: That's not a good sign. I'm afraid we're going to have to format your character sheet and reinstall a new character onto it.
Player: Oh no! Does that mean that I'll lose all of my saved loot?
Tech: I'm afraid so. Next time be sure to keep a cache of it somewhere, in case something like this happens again.
Player: Ok, thanks. I'll try it and get back to you if it doesn't work.

Tech: Hello, thank you for calling d20 tech support, how may I aid you today?
Player: Hi! I need some help...I can't read my book.
Tech: How long has this problem been going on?
Player: It started two days ago, but it only happens during the evening.
Tech: Which book is it?
Player: I don't know. I can't see the cover because the electricity went out.
Tech: At this point, I'm going to have to ask you to box up your books and sell them to a local used book store. You're too stupid to roleplay.

[Back to Collector Times]
[Prev.] [Return to Gaming] [Disclaimer] [Next]

Text Copyright © 2003 Chris Reid

E-mail Chris at: Tembuki@hotmail.com