Soooo... I haven't done any world development or GMing in the past couple of months, and I was sitting here grasping at straws trying to come up with something even vaguely related to role playing to write about. I drew an utter blank. But as I was thinking, I was also talking with a friend of mine, and our conversation got around to how ninjas are awesome, but ninja movies usually suck (dare I mention... Surf Ninja?). I came up with a couple of ideas of ninja movies even worse than the ones we had both already seen, and then it hit me... why not write these up for Collector Times? So, without further ado, I present.... Ninja Movies That Never Were - And Thank God For Small Favors!!!

-Blonde Ninja- Tiffany was your regular, every-day Valley girl. Her biggest concerns in life were having perfect hair, perfect nails, and the perfect dress for the school dance. Trouble starts when she falls hard for exchange student Takeshi. She's determined to impress him with her knowledge of Japanese history and culture, so she does the only sensible thing - starts ninja training! Hilarity ensues as Tiffany designs her own bright-pink, midriff-baring ninja suit, accented with shuriken "flowers". The ninja master disapproves, of course, but her fellow ninja students can't help but be won over by Tiffany's perky can-do attitude and they save her from being expelled from ninja school. Through sheer luck and perseverance, Tiffany graduates at the top of her ninja class! But alas, when she breaks the good news to Takeshi, she discovers that his grandfather hates ninjas! Can Tiffany salvage her relationship with Takeshi, or will she come running into the arms of Hiroshi, the ninja master's sweet and sensitive son who helped her through ninja school? -Ninja's First Date- Kojiro is the model of young ninja perfection. Whatever the mission, he accomplishes it with skill and style. He's the envy of all the other ninjas in his clan. He's also cold, heartless, and his only friend is Tomi, a cheerful slacker. Everything changes when he meets Sarah, a sweet young girl whom Kojiro is instantly smitten with. He desperately tries to woo the girl, taking advice from Tomi. His attempts prove disastrous, however. First he fires an arrow with a love letter attached to it through her open bedroom window, terrifying the girl. Next he dangles upside down from the roof outside Sarah's bedroom window, trying to get up the nerve to recite the haiku he wrote about her beauty. When he catches a glimpse of Sarah getting undressed, though, he loses his balance and crashes into the rose bushes below, barely escaping being caught by her father. At long last he wins Sarah over and they go on their first date. Comedic hijinks quickly follow as Kojiro tries to dance around the subject of his work, explain away the rose bush scratches, and find the right words to ask Sarah back to his place for some sweet ninja lovin'. We guarantee that you'll love the kusarigama foreplay scene! Now he just has to survive meeting her parents... -Godzilla Vs. Ninja- First there was Freddy vs Jason. Then there was Alien vs Predator. It was only natural that two of Japanese cinemas icons would have to duke it out. That's right, it's... Godzilla versus Ninja, and the fate of the universe is at stake!!! When Godzilla carelessly tramples the home of a minor ninja clan, Hideo, the lone survivor, swears revenge on the terrible lizard. Watch in amazement as the two duke it out amidst the ruins of Tokyo. See Godzilla knock over more buildings as he pursues the ninja through tight streets. Witness the real, ultimate power of Hideo's ninjitsu! Will man or monster prevail? Or will they set aside their differences and work together to face the ultimate threat to the future of mankind, The Mecha-ninja-zilla? -A Ninja's Tale- It's an animated adventure that the whole family is sure to love! Akio is a young ninja who's far more interested in composing haiku and daydreaming than in assassinating warlords. But when his powerful ninja father is kidnapped, only Akio (and his lovable dog sidekick Jun) can save the day. Many obstacles stand in his way, but by trusting in himself and learning the true value of love and friendship, Akio will surely prevail! * * * Whew! Thankfully, Hollywood hasn't been on much of a ninja kick lately, so these movies will probably never make it to the big screen. Tune in next month when... uhm... I won't be talking about ninjas! And remember, ninja must only use power for good!

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Review Copyright © 2004 By AJ Reardon E-mail AJ at: ErtheFae@aol.com Visit AJ at: http://members.aol.com/erthefae/index.htm