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Welcome back to another thrilling month of Great X-Pectations! Before kicking off the festivities, I owe an apology to my fans out there, all two of you, for not having this out on time, so for anyone who came by here the first week of the month, my bad. I was doing best man duties for a friend's wedding, and that week I also came down with some form of Martian Death Flu, so I was busy as hell, and sick on top of it, all needing rest that just wasn't coming. So, a hearty congratulations to John and Stephanie, two of the best people I know, and blame them for this being late!
Enough of that. This month also brings us Halloween, so to break up the long series of reviews I've had going here for the past while, I present to everyone my picks for the Top Ten Cheapest X-Men costumes!
- The Beast. Buy a few blue bathroom towels or rugs, and tie them around yourself. Or if you want to be creative, go hunt down Cookie Monster, and wear his pelt like a second skin.
- Jubilee. This is an easy costume to pull off, provided you are a) female, b) Asian - although this is negotiable, since they used a white girl in the Generation X nightmare/movie back in the mid-90's, c) you have black hair or access to a wig, and d) you can find a yellow trenchcoat. Once you've got all that, just buy a package of those little exploding things that go bang when you through them at something to simulate her powers. Or to just be annoying.
- Professor Xavier. Wheelchair and bald cap. How easy can you get? Granted, the wheelchair might be a tough find, but just hang around a parking lot, and wait for someone you can, um, 'borrow' one from for a little bit. For the girls out there who might be DC fans, this also works for those who want to go as Barbara Gordon/Oracle.
- Cyclops. Nice clothes that aren't too stylish, a pair of red sunglasses, and a long, hard rod to shove up your butt. Bam, you're Scott Summers. If you can get your sense of humour removed too, that's even better.
- Jean Grey/Phoenix. A red wig, some green clothes, and a couple of objects you can throw at people when they're not looking, and then claim that you used your 'telekinetic powers' to throw them. And don't forget to tell any guy staring at you that they really shouldn't be having such thoughts around a mind reader. For the added bonus effect, douse yourself in gasoline, and strike a match. Instant Phoenix!
- Wolverine. Because every top ten list about the X-Men needs a Wolverine. For the real cheapskates out there, find some knives and duct tape them to the back of your hand, and style your hair appropriately. If you want to be a bit more creative, you can always cannibalize some compasses - the kind for drawing circles, not the magnetic kind - for sharp pointy objects to attach to your hands. Alternately, you can skip the knives all together by just doing the hair, not shaving, and wearing a wife-beater. Oh, and kids, don't forget the cigar! Because if you're going to emulate a psychotic killer, is smoking really all that bad by comparison?
- Madrox, the Multiple Man. This is a suggestion only for those out there with twins. Or hey, triplets are even better! Get a big trenchcoat, and have them all hide beneath it, and provoke people to hit you all night. Whenever someone does, have one of your 'dupes' leap out of the coat. Occasionally, reabsorb them into yourself by sticking them back under the coat.
- Toad. The dorkiest clothes you can find, and hop around and be generally annoying all evening. Think of Gollum for your movements. Lick food and drink all evening trying to pick them up with your tongue.
- Rachel Summers. Just find some leather, make a skin-tight costume to cover your entire body, attach some soles and heels to the feet, stick some spikes in appropriate places up the front and down the arms. Ok, so that one isn't exactly cheap. But if you make that costume, please call me.
- Mystique. The ultimate cheap costume. At the very worst, buy a nametage and stick it on your shirt, making sure it says "Hello! My name is Mystique." Go dressed as you normally would, and just tell everyone that you're disguised as you on a covert mission to the Halloween party.
And there you go! Ten excellent options for one and all to use for their Halloween costume this year! If you're adventurous, use more than one!
(No, I do not advocate underage smoking, setting yourself on fire, killing Cookie Monster, or beating up the handicapped. So please, don't do any of those things. Doing so will make sure everyone has a safe, if uneventful, Halloween.)
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