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Hey, bubs and bubbettes, the ol' Canucklehead himself here, Logan, better known to you as the X-Man Wolverine. Marvel thinks they can slap me in all their monthly titles to try and raise sales, so the fine folks at the Collector Times figured the same can do a little editorialising on the side, earn a little bit more, and give you fine folks the inside scoop on the X-Men. Beer and stogies don't come cheap.
Let me tell you, it didn't used to be that bad. I was pretty popular, almost right from the start, sure. Marvel didn't have me doing too many guest spots to start out with. Once they saw the sales for my first mini though, that was it. I haven't had a moments rest since the early 80's. Book me for a guest appearance over in Darkhawk to try and boost sales one month, then over to Ghost Rider, let alone my own title, and the X-Men, sometimes in two books at once! I was tempted more than once to call up Jaime Madrox to cover for me, but he wanted to be paid by the dupe, and Wolverine just doesn't have that much cash to be handing out, you know?
The sad thing is, these gimmicks worked. My simple presence in a book would bring the X-Geeks to check it out, and actually got sales to go up, and interest to be piqued. Folks even stayed around to check out the further adventures of whatever loser of the month I was co-starring with. And back then, it was just about once a month, if that. Still a hefty workload for a blue-collar joe like yours truly. Not only that, but they had me jumping all over the globe, from New York, to Australia, to Madripoor and back. You would not believe my frequent flyer miles.
These past few years though, they've been an absolute nightmare. I've been in X-Men, Uncanny, and X-Treme teams almost regularly, doing my guest spots, my own thing. It was grueling. When I heard X-Treme X-Men was getting cancelled, I was overjoyed. And for a few months, things calmed down a bit. Sure, I was running up to Canada, and down to Mexico, but any lightening of the workload was welcome.
Guest appearances these days just don't work the way they used to, bubs. The sales my spike for when I show my mug on the pages of Marvel Knights' Spider-Man, but once the Wolverine has slinked back down to the bar for a brewski, the sales follow me to that bar, not staying with the book whatsoever. Maybe the quality of titles just ain't what they used to be, so people don't stick around as long, or maybe the only people checking in on my adventures are the ones that are mindless completists, because everyone else is sick of seeing me everywhere, and their only interest is in seeing me, and they could care less about the titles, regardless of quality.
Anyways, just as I'm gettin' comfy in my new, somewhat lighter routine, Marvel calls me up, and what do they say? I'm joining the Avengers. The flamin' Avengers of all people! By what sort of logic does this even make sense? Next, I'm gonna find out that they dragged the original Spider-Woman out of mothballs to stick on the team with me. Or worse yet, Jeannie's comin' back from the dead.
As if that ain't bad enough, in my own book they got me getting mind-controlled, and fighting everyone. I thought this was a nice change o' page, to have everyone coming into my book for a change, but that's not enough, no. I've gotta go over to Daredevil, Invaders, and Thunderbolts come January. Happy freakin' New Year, Logan.
Thunderbolts shouldn't even need my presence. Everyone who loves classic superheroics and excellent art and writing should already have it ready to purchase when it kicks off this month. They're good people over there though, so at least for them I was more than happy enough to try and get 'em a few extra sales. I should call up the She-Hulk crew, while I'm at it, before I get booked for February...
But I digress. Worst of all though has got t'be my upcoming shot in X-Force. I was hopin' I could duck out of that one, but no. I've gotta go over and have my anatomy mangled by Rob Liefeld. Do you have any idea how many hours I gotta sit around in makeup to fit in with the other Liefeld characters? They insert a special device to keep the mouth open all day long, and it ain't fun.
Well, that's enough bitchin' from me. I've got to run and make an appearance over in...bah, I can't even keep track. My agent will let me know. I just need some beer right now.
James "Logan" Howlett, as dictated to Jason M. Bourgeois
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