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Here's what I thought of the Fantastic Four movie in the form of a multiple choice pop quiz:
1. The best thing about the Fantastic Four movie is . . .
A) Jessica Alba's cleavage is shown at EVERY possible opportunity.
B) It's a kid-friendly movie that mercifully lasts no longer than two hours and three minutes.
C) The King Kong trailer beforehand looked pretty good.
D) All of the above.
2. Doctor Doom . . .
A) is played by the totally miscast Julian McMahon with the same swarminess
of a soap opera villain.
B) is arguably Marvel Comics' best comic book villain, but is now the worst
Marvel Comics movie villain.
C) is less interesting than Jessica Alba's cleavage.
D) All of the above.
3. The best pair of characters in the movie are . . .
A) Michael Chiklis and Chris Evans as the Thing and Human Torch (seriously).
B) The cameo appearances of Stan Lee and Maria Menounous.
C) Jessica Alba's cleavage.
D) All of the above.
4. Mr. Fantastic . . .
A) is the weakest character portrayal of the four heroes.
B) bears little resemblance to the comic book character by not being shown
tinkering with gadgets or saying anything scientific all that often.
C) for much of the movie is a milquetoast, unlike the comic book.
D) All of the above.
5. The plot/story of the movie . . .
A) depicts the origin of the Fantastic Four and how they deal with their powers.
B) shows them in conflict with Dr. Doom.
C) isn't really more than I've stated so far.
D) All of the above.
6) The direction of the movie . . .
A) suffers from the script.
B) concerns itself very little from getting to point A to point B.
C) was really not on par compared to other superhero movies.
D) All of the above.
7. Jessica Alba as Sue Storm . . .
A) was a typical Hollywood casting choice, but did much better than I thought she would.
B) appears on three magazine covers on my coffee table (TV Guide, Comics
Buyers Guide, and Wizard).
C) shouldn't be held accountable for not LOOKING like a scientist -- the
character wasn't much of one in the comics for the first 100 issues or so,
only really serving as a love interest and token female.
D) All of the above.
8. The most absurd part of the movie was . . .
A) the Human Torch being naked for the duration from a snowboarding jaunt to
returning back to the city.
B) characters arriving at the speed of light to a bike rally that Johnny Storm
in participating in. (New York City has NO traffic?!)
C) the demeaning scenes where the Invisible Woman gets naked to move through a
crowd not once, but TWICE.
D) are too many to mention.
E) All of the above.
9) The best thing we can look forward to from the movie now is . . .
A) sequels and seeing Jessica Alba's cleavage again.
B) merchandising and product tie-ins.
C) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory opens later this week.
D) All of the above.
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