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Because I am a lazy person deep down in side, and because I would rather be writing fiction than columns this month, I am going to make my annual Geek Gift-Giving Guide double as my December edition of Playing God. I will probably also shamelessly recycle suggestions from previous years for this year, in hopes that you won't remember what I wrote about last year.
Most of you CT readers will consider a lot of the items on this list to be common sense. Of course, this column isn't really for you - not directly at least. It's for you to send to your family and friends who whine "But you're so hard to shop for." Or the ones who buy you modules for games you wouldn't be caught dead playing. Or the ones who still buy you pink, frilly dresses, even though you're 25 and hate pink. Come to think of it, maybe those sarcastic comments won't endear me or my list to your clueless relatives. Before I cram my foot even farther down my throat, let's get on with the column.
As a simple note, this column is 99% geared towards roleplaying geeks, because that is the category I fall most heavily into, and if I covered all manner of geeks, I'd have to spend a week researching and writing this column.
Category The First
Being a list of items perfect for the geekly stocking.
If there's one thing I've noticed about geeks, it's that they love lots of little things. And if there's one thing that I've noticed about holidays, it's that stockings (or grab bags, or shoe boxes full of goodies) are great, because they're full of silly gifts that don't cost much, but are fun to have and which you might not buy normally. For those of you wondering what to put in a geek's stocking, I offer these suggestions.
- Dice. They're always on the top of the list. Why? Because I (and my husband) just love dice, dangit. I have dozens of dice, yet I keep buying more. Chessex and Crystal Caste are to blame! They're always bringing out all these great new colors of dice, and if they're green, I can't resist them. Single dice range from .75-1.50 depending on where you buy them and how swanky they are.
- As a general rule of thumb, World of Darkness and Legend of the Five Rings players always need more d10s (I sure do, because my friends never have enough, so I always have to share). Shadowrun players need ridiculous amounts of d6s. BESM uses paired d6s. EarthDawn, Dungeons and Dragons, and any d20 game use an assortment of dice ranging from 4 to 20 sides. Very few games use 24 or 30-sided dice, but they're fun to have anyway.
- Novelty dice are a great gift, too. My husband has some that have little rubber balls on the corners, so they bounce when you roll them. Our friend Alex has a pair of d6s with bird-flipping hands instead of pips (if you'd ever seen his dice rolls, you'd understand).
- And remember, the more unusual the dice are, the better. It's good to have unique dice because then it's easy to make sure you get them back at the end of the night after loaning them out to the bum who never brings his own dice. RARH!
- Pencils. Either one really unique pencil that won't be loaned out, or bags and bags of pencils to loan out to the bums who never bring their own pencils (usually the same guy who doesn't have dice). I must go through at least 20 pencils a year. Mechanical pencils are my personal favorite, as they tend to write finer than normal pencils, and they don't require me to have a pencil sharpener handy.
- Every stocking should have candy.
- Buttons. I love pin-back buttons. If you can find geek-specific ones, great. If not, you can probably find a nice funny one that fits your geek's personality, or one with a cool fantasy design on it.
- Stickers. Bumper or otherwise. What geek could resist a bumper sticker that says "Get a Life? I'm a gamer! I have hundreds of lives!" or "Cthulhu Saves . . . In case he gets hungry later"?
- Pewter miniatures and/or fantasy figurines. My apartment is certainly full of them.
- Goofy little things like Koosh balls, Slinkies, tavern puzzles, etc. These are great to bring to a game and pass around the room for everyone to play with.
Category The Second
Being a list of gifts to give to geeks.
Stockings are all very well and nice, but you'll probably also want to buy some larger gifts for geeks. You're in luck, because as always, I have a great list of items that you might consider buying.
- The Second Edition EarthDawn core rulebook. With how often I recommend EarthDawn, you'd think Living Room Games was paying me or something. Well, they aren't. Unless you consider those books that they sent me to review... but I digress. Everyone should play EarthDawn. I'm in the middle of a great EarthDawn game right now, and looking forward to another, larger game sometime next year. If the geek in your life already has the ED core book, you can instead give them a high-five for being so damn cool.
- Munchkin. I haven't played Munchkin in a long time, but that doesn't mean that I've stopped loving it. For those geeks who already have Munchkin, there are many, many expansions to help make their deck tower towards the ceiling.
- Other Steve Jackson games. Actually, I haven't played any, but they're probably good anyway. Ninja Burger (the card game) looks like a pretty good bet.
- Ninja Burger (the RPG). It's small, it's cheap, and even though I've owned it for years, I've never played it. Well, it looks like fun.
- Cheapass Games. I still love 'em. You still need to buy 'em as gifts. I don't know if they've made any new ones, because I always see the same ones over and over. I recommend "Kill Doctor Lucky" above all else, and I'm none too fond of "Witch Trial", but the rest look pretty good.
- Games which are cheap, but not Cheapass. If it costs less than $10, and looks funny, it's probably worth taking a chance on.
- Sourcebooks. This comes with the same warning every year: ONLY buy sourcebooks for gamers if you know exactly what they want. I, for example, want the Complete Divine and the Book of Exalted Deeds. Waitasecond... this isn't my holiday wish list. Anyway, with Wizards of the Coast still churning out new 3.5 edition D&D books on a nearly weekly basis, and White Wolf just recently bringing out their new (and evil, Changeling-free) edition of World of Darkness, most geeks probably have a few sourcebooks they really want.
- Mythos-related Merchandise. Every year I mention this, though previously I've called it "Cthulhuiana" or some such. Every year, the selection to choose from grows bigger and bigger. Every year, people still ask us "What do all those Cthulhu stickers on the back of your car mean?" Every year, we educate them, and you can, too. Aside from plushies, Mythos goodies are still pretty hard to find in actual stores, but there are many websites you can order them from. Items range from t-shirts to knick-knacks to candles, and of course, there's the ever popular books... be they collections of Lovecraft's stories, collections of stories inspired by those stories, or sourcebooks for the Call of Cthulhu roleplaying game.
- This year, there are extra added goodies, such as the Call of Cthulhu DVD (which I may review if I receive my copy in time) which I mentioned in our DVD gift guide. The same people who brought you that movie have also brought you A Shoggoth on the Roof, and a CD of mythos-inspired Christmas carols. Also, there is a horror-survival game for the XBox and PS2 called "Call of Cthulhu: The Darkest Corners of the Earth" or some such, which looks pretty good. Haven't had the chance to play it yet, though.
- Toy Vault plushies. Not just for Cthulhu geeks anymore! Toy Vault continues to produce cool plushies that even guys like, ranging from Baby Nyalarhotep to a giant Chinese dragon. They even have Plush Caltrops! I buy some manner of geekly plush as a gift every year.
- Weapons. Depending on where you live, these may be hard to get. However, nice-looking costume-quality weapons are getting cheaper and easier to find, and I'm not sure I know a single geek who wouldn't like a dagger or even a sword for the holidays.
Section The Third
Being suggestions for gifts that come from normal stores.
Maybe your town is sadly devoid of a gaming store, or maybe you're too much of a wuss to set foot in it. And maybe it's too late for you to order on-line. Do not abandon hope! You can still get gifts from the mall or department store which will please your favorite geek.
- Humorous t-shirts. Allow me to rant for but a moment: If you go to Target, and go to the men's department, you will find t-shirts that say cool things like "By reading this shirt, you have given me brief control over your mind." If you then go to the junior's department, you will find shirts that say lame things like "Angel" or "I'm such a bitchy little tart that I can't ever keep a boy for more than two days, so I'm wearing this skanky shirt to show that I'm looking for a boy." Ok, ok, maybe they say something like "Flirt" or "Looking for love", and the rest is just inferred. Why is it that a girl can't have a shirt that both fits her well, AND says something funny and sarcastic? The same goes for web comics and other geekly places that only offer the "cute" shirts in women's sizes. Your attention please: I am a girl. I am young. I still have my figure. I like baby tees and camisole shirts. I am not "cute". I am sarcastic. Make shirts for me. Thank you.
- Now that I have that out of the way, I will say that funny shirts are popular and make good gifts. My brother, father, husband, and most of our friends all wear and enjoy funny shirts. I, however, am left bereft. Boo-hoo.
- Books. Not only do most book stores have a roleplaying section, but there are all kinds of other books that geeks might like. Fantasy and sci-fi art books. Books on weapons and martial arts. Folk lore, fairy tales, and mythology. The latest novel in their favorite series. An unabridged dictionary (ok, maybe I'd just like one). Manga, graphic novels, collections of comic strips. It's all good.
- Gift cards. Alternately, a gift card to the book store makes an awesome gift. There are few things I like more than buying books. Buying books with someone else's money is even better. Gift cards to fast food places are also good, to buy food on gaming night, and hey, if the gaming store offers gift cards/certificates, then that is definitely the best of all.
- Mood music. No, no, no! Not that kind of mood music. Music that's good to game by. There's all kinds of good music for gaming. An obvious choice might be Midnight Syndicate's "Dungeon and Dragons Soundtrack", but there are plenty of other options open, too. For EarthDawn, I like a mix of Dead Can Dance and Corvus Corax, and those bands are also great for D&D. Pretty much any "ethereal" band lends itself well to fantasy gaming, and Goth music is great for World of Darkness games. I like Rob Zombie or Apocalyptica for combat, no matter what system. And, if you're shopping for my GM, you might just want to see if you can find an entire CD full of creepy carnival music. Just saying . . .
- Messenger Bag. For just over a year now, I've been toting my gaming books, notebooks, character sheets, dice, pencils, and whatever else I need in a messenger bag. God, I have no idea how I ever got by without it! Mine even has a stretchy mesh pocket on the side to hold a drink - just the right size for a Jones Soda or a SoBe, not big enough for 32 Oz of Gatorade or a giant bottle of Arizona Ice Tea. Plus I can decorate it with all my funny buttons. Hell, I even managed to cram 2 days worth of clothes into it once. Cold-weather clothes no less. SO much easier and cooler than carrying around a stack of books and papers.
Section The Fourth
Being a list of things which can be purchased for the non-geek at the gaming shop.
See, there is something here for the average CT reader. You see, this year I have a goal: my goal is to finish my holiday shopping without ever setting foot in the mall. I hate the mall. I hate how I always get stuck behind a group of people walking 3 abreast at a snail's pace. I hate how I get shoved around. I hate how 75% of the stores are just selling clothing. I hate how they keep raising the rent so that the small stores that sell fun stuff go out of business. I hate the parking and I hate the escalators and I hate how all the prices are inflated to make up for the overhead of mall rent. With that in mind, here are some ideas of what you can buy for non-geeks while still supporting your friendly neighborhood game store.
- Cheapass games. Perfect for everyone, except your grandmother who doesn't cuss.
- Miniatures. My Mom doesn't game, but she does have a nightmare/unicorn figurine sitting on her desk. My brother painted it for her and it looks damn cool. Even non-geeks sometimes like dragons and faeries and unicorns and whatnot.
- Dice. Wouldn't Monopoly be cooler if you replaced those boring white dice with something sparkly?
- Toy Vault plushies. Hey, look at me recycling ideas!
- Normal games or puzzles. Some game shops carry them. Most people like them.
- Marbles. Because your family has probably lost theirs.
- It really depends on what your game store carries. The one our D&D group meets at has scads of action figures, especially Star Wars ones. Personally, I think they should get rid of them and carry more gaming books, or maybe some geekly gear like t-shirts, stickers, and buttons, but they didn't ask me. Some game stores carry aforementioned gear. Some have comics or novels or Lord of the Rings stuff. Take a look around and you might be surprised.
Section The Fifth
Being a warning about that which should not be purchased.
There are some items that one simply should not purchase for a geek, unless the geek has requested it specifically. Save yourself from the embarrassment of giving a bad gift.
- Role-playing books when you have no idea what game they play or what books they already have. There's a huge variety of gaming systems out there, many with multiple editions and most with dozens of sourcebooks. It can be very confusing if you don't know what you're looking at or for. Don't go to the gaming book section and pick whatever book looks coolest or conveniently fits into your price range. Don't tell that helpful employee "Well, I THINK he plays D&D", because he'll probably try to sell you some stupid book that costs $40 and doesn't have information that anyone wants anyway.
- Modules. In case you did not already know, a module is a pre-prepared adventure for a roleplaying game. They're great for beginning GMs or those who don't have enough time (*cough* or imagination *cough*) to come up with their own adventures. Most GMs don't use them, however, and players never, ever need them.
- Collectible Card Games or Collectible Miniature Games or anything involving the words Collectible and Game. I think I say this every year: they're like crack. The people who play them throw wads of money at them for little return. Those who DO play them will tell you they want them. Those who don't play them don't want to play them.
Section The Sixth
Being a few words of advice for geeks, as the holiday season approaches.
When you're a geek, the holidays can be a hard time. Oftentimes, games get cancelled because so many people are going out of town to be with family. You have less money for new sourcebooks and dice because you have to go holiday shopping. And well-meaning people give you poorly-thought-out gifts (ok, this probably happens to everyone, regardless of geekliness). There are a few things you can do to make your holidays better.
- To make up for cancelled games, get together as many of your gamer friends as possible for a one-shot game.
- For that matter, maybe you could use holiday gatherings as an excuse to teach some of your family and friends how to play EarthDawn (or D&D, I guess). Less adventurous family members could instead be introduced to Munchkin or Cheapass games.
- And if you can't do either, maybe now's a good time to catch up on reading your sourcebooks, work on character background stories, or make a kick-ass back-up character in case your current character dies.
- On the subject of bad gifts, let people know what you'd like. How is anyone supposed to know what gaming books or Munchkin expansions you'd like if you don't tell them? Sometimes our loved ones need a little hint on what would make the perfect gift.
- And remember, no matter how much the gift sucks, always be nice about it. My little brother went through a short stage where whenever he got a gift, he'd talk about how much he wanted something else instead. No one liked it. Don't be like that. Remember, it's the thought that counts. Unless, of course, the gift was clearly a passive-aggressive attempt at being an asshole. In which case, feel free to think up a good form of revenge.
- One last thing . . . for pity's sake, stop buying the things that people would like to get you for the holidays! For at least a month before whatever winter holiday you celebrate, try not to buy yourself anything. You'll have more money for the holidays, and you don't have to worry about your wife kicking you for buying the present that she just bought for you last week.
Well, this has turned out to be my longest gift guide yet. I hope you all have a safe and happy holiday season. Don't over-indulge on the eggnog, watch out for the mistletoe, and I'll see you at the start of 2006.
PS: Neener neener, I'm almost done with my holiday shopping and it's not even December! There. I had to say it!
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