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Well -- Thanksgiffen has passed so the most
amazing time of year has come at last.
Ah -- Christmas time. That wonderful time where
all is peaceful and predictable. Little Billy and
Jane are downstairs watching Rankin Bass specials.
Mom is in the kitchen making cookies as Jimmy
Stewart says: 'Now there's something you don't see
everyday -- not in Bedford Falls anyway' ... on the
television set on the other side of the kitchen. Dad
is trying (and failing miserably) to avoid getting
tangled to the Christmas tree like Chevy Chase on the
poster of 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation'.
Most importantly of all: Robin is in the kitchen.
Joker is in the hall. Bruce Wayne is in the
bathroom -- peeing on the wall.
Seeing as I love doing retro reviews and this is
the season of Giffen -- let's get going with two
holiday classics.
First up is the Ambush Bug Holiday Stocking Stuffer. Why DC hasn't bought the license back
(temporarily) from Atari for the Atari Force characters
to reprint most of Ambush Bug's adventures while
rumors persist about plans to reprint 'Prez' sometime
in October or November 2008 boggles my mind.
Very few people know this but Hush and Winter Soldier were both spoofs on the Ambush Bug Christmas
Special. Don't believe me? All three have the
'sidekick returns from the dead only evil' thing
going. All three follow the plot almost beat for beat
(though Hush and Winter Soldier lack the killer
zombies and appearances by Santa.) But they both
include the 'only half of this story was any good,
let's go back to there' motif. The difference is
that Ambush Bug's Stocking Stuffer pulls out all the
stops. Hush and Winter Soldier tried too hard to
walk the fine line between continuity being a sacred
cow and mangling all that has come before. If
continuity is a sacred cow -- Ambush Bug tips it over
whenever a joke requires it. That is it to say at
least once per panel. (Crisis on the Only Earth We're
Allowed To Use-- bwhahahahahahaha.
The other thing that makes Ambush Bug's story work
is the sense of humor of Keith Giffen and the electric
cattle prod he uses on his slave-- I mean
scripter/co-plotter Robert Loren Fleming write words.
Someday -- the words 'Giffen is God' shall appear
spray painted on the London underground. Until then --
I'll settle for Cheeks Lives somewhere in Brooklyn.
Not to say the book is without flaws. Or one
thing-- if Ambush Bug can travel to any previous page
in his comic why didn't he go back to the flashback
page, retroactively save Cheeks and then retroactively
remove all the zombies and then just continue the
plotless and avoid more of the plot with a some points
hinders the jokes. Or maybe I'm thinking too hard.
The other holiday classic is
Lobo's Paramilitary Christmas
I remember when I was 12 years old my comic store
clerk wouldn't sell it to me. He still wouldn't sell
my a copy when I was 15. By the time I was old
enough to buy it (by his standards) they didn't have
it anymore. They started out with 50 copies and had
sold all of them and then sold out of the collection
with 'Lobo's Guide to Life' in it.
So finally one day when I was 18 I found it in a 50
cent box at a local convention. (Right in front of
the two issues missing from my Captain Carrot
collection. Lucky me. I got Lobo and the Zoo Crew
meets the Just'a Lotta Animals team-up in one trip.)
A lot of times when you have a long wait the need
for it to be good mounts. Sometimes this is a major
let down-- I'm talking to you, George Lucas. There
are times when waiting is worth it. Like that sort
of geeky girl who you sat across from in the dining
hall who you finally start talking to halfway through
the semester and it turns out she-- well-- you get the
point.
Lobo's Paramilitary Christmas is one of the latter.
I waited 5 years to read it. The plot, in which the
Easter Bunny hires Lobo to off Santa, had me from the
get go. All the double entendres and snappy jokes
and gross sight gags that one expects from Lobo don't
fall flat like most Lobo stories. Then again-- half
of the Lobo stuff of the time period was written by
Alan Grant who couldn't quite decide if Lobo was
supposed to be funny or not.
And that ending -- Lara mother of Kal'el -- that is
most smeggtastically twisted thing I've seen in a
comic since -- since -- since since cannibal zombie
baby dolls. (Trust me -- that makes sense. Sort of.)
Well -- that's all for now. But only because I
can't find my box with A Trencher Christmas. Though
someday -- if Giffen and Dematies can pull it off --
may we one day see A Planetary Brigade Christmas?
Or perhaps next year we'll see Giffen, Abnett and
Laning present: Annihilation: Christmas.
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