In honor of the fact that Valentine's Day is this month, and also the fact that I'm trying to get out of an arranged marriage in L5R, I'd like to write about love and romance in roleplaying games. Those who prefer their games to be strictly hack-and-slash don't really have to worry about such topics, so I apologize to anyone who finds this column a little boring and pointless. If your game has any sort of social element to it, you've probably had love, romance, or at least one night stands crop up in the course of your game play. Some games include some pretty specific rules for this sort of thing, with various rolls you need to make to successfully seduce someone or charts to roll on to see if the girl gets pregnant, whereas others leave everything up to roleplay. Personally, I prefer all of my important social interactions in a game to be based solely on role play. It removes half of the fun and challenge if you can roll the dice, succeed, and then no matter what you say, you either get the girl, haggle for a better price, or impress the Emperor with your speech. That doesn't mean that I think you should play it out every time you just want a little action from a farmer boy, but if you're going to seduce the party's cleric and possibly make him lose his powers, you should be playing that out. Before you get too into roleplaying love, romance, and sexual encounters, though, you need to be sure that your GM and group are comfortable with that sort of thing. There are a lot of pitfalls you can encounter, and a lot of things to keep in mind. 1. Is it appropriate for the game? If you're in a campaign where the norm is "Go to the dungeon, rescue the princess, get the reward, rinse and repeat" and you fall in love with one of the princesses, and between every dungeon crawl you want to go to the castle and serenade her with sonnets that you've written, and you expect to roleplay this out in great detail, you're going to annoy the rest of the group. If you want to pursue a romance in-game, make sure that it's not going to detract from everyone else's game-playing experience. 2. Is your group comfortable with the level of detail? AKA: beware of TMI! Some gamers can be more reserved and conservative, and may not enjoy hearing all the nitty-gritty of your hot and heavy relationship. In many cases, it may be most appropriate to just let the GM know that you and your lover are going aside for a little quality time. In other games, the GM may make you roll to see how well you "perform" much to the amusement of the rest of the group. And in some groups, you might even go into some detail as to exactly what acts are being performed. I think it's best to start out subtle, and then wait and see how the rest of the group reacts. 2.a. Seriously, unless you're in an erotic game, don't shove your sexual escapades in everyone's face. Our D&D game isn't geared around romance, so when my husband and I decided that our characters were going to hook up, we didn't make a big announcement about it. We let the GM know, and I started sharing a room with him whenever we were at an inn, whereas previously, being a tree-hugging hippie, I usually slept in the park. Months later, players were shocked when my character referred to his as her lover. I guess her sharing a room with him, calling him "dear" and petting his scales when he polymorphed into a dragon was just too subtle for them. 3. Are there innocent bystanders around? If you're playing in a public place, you may run the risk of offending people around you. Be doubly careful if there are kids around. In cases like this, it may be best just to pass the GM a note letting him know that you're going to totally get it on with that dryad. 4. Is the object of your affection okay with it? This is basically only a problem with player-characters. A GM should be able to handle you flirting with the NPCs. However, some players may not be comfortable with an in-game relationship, especially if they have a real-life relationship. Make sure you respect your fellow players' boundaries. 4.a. A note to players who like to gender-bend: if you're not comfortable having members of your gender flirting with your character, you should probably not bend genders anymore. 5. Are you capable of differentiating between an in-character and out-of-character romance? This is pretty much related to 4. Don't assume that a player is into you because their character is into yours. And don't feel like if someone is into you, that all of their characters automatically have to be, too. A lot of couples fall into this trap. Heck, Chris and I usually end up with our characters in a relationship, but we don't force it. And in some games, it just doesn't happen, and that's fine, too. The only reason my bard ended up in bed with his psion was that I said "I'm going to bed with whoever has the highest charisma and actually propositions me." He beat the sorcerer out by one or two points, and I almost got them to agree to a threesome. HEY! In my defense, it was the last battle before the end of the world. I was allowed to get a little freaky. 6. Does it really suit your character? This probably should have been #1 on the list. Some characters just aren't cut out for love and romance. Don't force them into that situation just because you want to roleplay out a love affair, or you want them to hook up with your lover's character. Be true to your character concept. 6.a. Yes, I really did seduce a lawful good cleric of a very strict god and make him lose his connection to his god. But in both of our defenses, he was already having a crisis of faith, we were both drunk, and my character had a bad habit of getting drunk and having one night stands. It said so in her background. I said "Hey, you wanna?" and he said "Yeah, you know what, I do" and he woke up without any cleric powers. Oh snap! I felt guilty about that. And no, he wasn't my husband's character. 7.Are you making it the main focus of your gaming experience, when it shouldn't be? Unless you're playing a romantic or erotic themed game, falling in love or getting laid shouldn't be the be-all and end-all of your character's life. I've seen some players get so into either pursuing a romance with their significant other's character or chasing NPC tail that they lose site of the whole idea of the game. Usually in the former case, when the character eventually lands their prey, they go on and on about it in such detail that the group is either rolling their eyes or shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Don't do that to your friends! Above all else, the important thing is to be realistic in your approach to love and romance. You know what I really hate? When two characters meet, and shortly thereafter, they admit their feelings for each other, then they immediately jump in bed together, then they have a lovely wedding, then she'd pregnant, and the pregnancy somehow only lasts a month or two, or even a few weeks, or maybe even days. Then surprise, it's twins! Oh, sorry, I'm having flashbacks to my IRC roleplaying days. It is true that sometimes love at first sight does happen, and whirlwind courtships aren't that rare, but most relationships take time to build. My husband and I were friends for a couple of years before we became a couple, and then it was a couple more years until we got married. Granted, most games don't last long enough for courtships that span years, but it's not too unreasonable to have them last months. When your character does get into a relationship, think about how real-life couples act, and give it a fantasy twist. There's more to it than just sharing rooms at the inn. Couples will go to the marketplace together, they'll watch out for each other in combat, and they'll sometimes have fights (just make sure these fights don't detract too much from the game). They'll also do sweet little things for each other. They might sneak off to the market to buy a little present for their lover. They might develop a spell with the specific idea of enhancing their sweetheart's combat abilities. They might craft a magic sword, and engrave it with a special message. Don't get over the top with the schmaltz, but the occasional thoughtful thing gives more realism to the relationship. As a note, that also applies to friendship and family relationships in games. In our L5R game, one of the characters recently got married, and my character snuck out to buy some fancy calligraphy paper to make him and his bride a beautiful gift. Because he had been such a good friend to her, and his wife was accepting of their friendship, she wanted to give them something special to celebrate their union. That's what friends do for each other. And watch out for those arranged marriages. They'll wreck your plans for romance faster than anything! Hopefully by the time this column is posted, I'll already have wriggled out of mine. Wish me luck, and happy gaming!

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Copyright © 2008 By AJ Reardon E-mail AJ at: ErtheFae@aol.com Visit AJ at: www.erthefae.com