I don't know about you nation--- but I'm tired
reading stories in the blogospehere and other places
where geeks go to spawn that imply Joe Quesada must
have been replaced by a Skrull to approve the plot for
Secret Invasion.
I mean -- and I don't want to sound like a
columnist for the New York Times -- but where's your
proof? What do we know about Skrull replacements?
Generally they act just a little out of character.
When the Fantastic Four were replaced by Skrulls, The
Thing started liking art museums. When Alicia
Masters was replaced by a Skrull, she dumped Ben Grimm
and quickly hooked up with Johnny Storm. I bet if J.
Jonah Jameson were replaced by a Skrull The Daily
Bugle would almost immediately have a headline
reading: Spider-Man: Friend or Nice Guy?
The Q man spelled his character out in his three
promises when he first took office:
1) He promised the continue the history of good
storytelling of his predecessors.
Just because he used the plural doesn't mean he
meant all of them. Bill Jemas and Bob Harras--
certainly. They left a pretty easy standard. Tom
Defalco, Jim Shooter, Roy Thomas -- nobody even
remembers those guys anymore. Why do they matter?
Stan Lee? What has he done lately? Sit around
Hollywood and begun looking more and more like some
claymation horror. Like we really want Quesada doing
that.
2) To do the types of stories that break the
internet in half.
I've been a comics fan with the internet for a
long time. Until 'House of M,' I don't think I'd seen
fandom that riled up since Ben Riley was the real
Spider-Man. Wait-- no-- maybe since Kaine was the
real Spidey.... no wait-- it was when they brought
back Norman Osborn. With Civil War the debates got
more and more heated. I know people who dropped
books that were otherwise favorites of theirs
depending on what side of registration they were.
Talk about heat. Ben Grimm-- pick a side, we're at war,
buddy. Also, Jeff, if you're reading this... you've
missed out on two great runs of She-Hulk.
3) Kick the tarq-veq out of DC at softball.
Which I think they'd managed at least once since
then. I haven't followed comic publishers sporting
events since the tragic 1990 loss by The Archies to
the Topps Bazookas. Come on-- Topps trading cards?
Their comics are two panel grids used to wrap bubble
gum. Their entire line of comics is one guy and a
blurry Xerox machine.
Fandom on the other hand -- I think we might be
Skrulls.
If you ask fans the things they want, they tend to
give the same three answers.
1) Have someone die and stay dead. Preferably
someone who has been around a long time. Like DC did
with whatshisname that used to be the Flash. You
know -- the one from the TV show.
Then they go ahead and do it. Look at what
happened. Captain America -- one of Marvel's oldest
characters -- got offed at the end of Civil War.
Immediately the fans started letter writing campaigns
asking when was he coming back. Marvel immediately
issued responses saying they had no plans to revive
Steve Rogers for the foreseeable future. Which
knowing the time span Bendis, Brubaker or Jenkins plot
that's about 3 years. (Okay-- Brubaker and maybe
Bendis when he isn't stoned. Jenkins could never
plot.)
2) End a long running plot for once.
One More Day had lots of ongoing storylines come to
an end. It was no Power Pachyderms but at least it
had an ending. It almost seemed like Marvel said to
the fans: "One more complaint and I'm turning this car
around." Which is coincidentally why my family
has never gone to Mount Rushmore.
3) No more Wolverine guest shots please.
As far as sales go, 'Friendly Neighborhood
Spider-Man' only sold well during one storyline and
that was 'The Other'. It is also the only storyline
which guest starred Wolverine. After reading the
first series of Runaways in paperback I thought about
getting the rest in single issues. Though almost
right off the bat I couldn't get one of the storylines
completed and decided to resort to the trades. Why?
Wolverine. If people hate Wolverine guest shots why
do they keep buying them? If the market isn't there
for an unkillable killing machine Marvel will do to
him what they did to Captain America.
Night everybody.
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