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First and foremost, I’d like make it perfectly clear that I tried to make this list as unbiased as possible. There were several standards. First off, every character on the list to have either had their own book, been a member of a team (or several teams) for a long period of time or had at least two miniseries. Secondly the character had to have a degree of dramatic flexiblity. Put them through hell they remain true to their character. Place them in an everyday situation like having to go the DMV and they are still themselves. Perhaps I repeat myself. They have to be relatable. You have to feel like -- no matter how miraculous their power -- someone like that could exist. They have to have been written well by more than one writer -- even if they have one writer have written their ‘definitive’ version. Also -- they should do heroic things from time to time.
- Jessica Jones: I know many people consider her a walking continuity error with breasts but the character has something you rarely see in the super hero genre: a snarky woman with a really dirty mouth and an inner self loathing that goes beyond neurotic and into truly emotionally damaged territory. She’s a very flawed character. She is a character who is incredibly relatable. I’m also a sucker an old school noir detective. She loses a rank or two due to having not been in that many funny stories though there have been quite a few humorous or at least sarcastic laugh because she hurts moments in Alias. She also sinks quite a bit for having only been written in a big role by Brian Michael Bendis. I know many reviewers here have had mixed feelings about Bendis’s Avengers -- but Alias was well worth the read. While she had few actual victories -- she’s actually more heroic in her post costume career which included keeping Captain America out of jail and helping drug-addled Maddie Franklin.
- She-Hulk: In She-Hulk’s early stories she was merely a female knock off of her famous cousin. However with the intervention of John Byrne and others she became something very different. Her stories range from the deconstructionist comedies, (John Byrne), the absurdist social commentaries and legal comedies (Dan Slott) to the grim ‘On the Road’ epic by Peter David. There was even a quiet and somber horror track in ‘She-Hulk: The Ceremony’. Many author’s have made their mark on the character. Her actions including: saving the universe from being cancelled and replaced with nothing but Ultimate titles, helping Santa save Christmas and playing a key part in stopping the recent Skrull invasion.
- Bruce Banner/ The Hulk: I think everyone has times when they loose their temper that leads them to have destructive and childlike tendencies. Hulk has a natural, almost primal relatable human factor to him. That is not where Doc Banner’s scores fall low. Nor is it the range of stories on the dramatic spectrum. On the one hand you have Future Imperfect that I mentioned last issue. You also have a really funny story where Hulk fought Hulk Hogan. Or when he arm wrestled The Thing. What keeps Hulk trapped lower on the chart is that few writer’s have tapped his almost limitless potential. All those stories I mentioned above were written by one guy: Peter David. That is the Hulk’s real problem. In more than 40 years he’s had only a handful of memorable writers and only one people remember off the top of their heads. Though when two other former writers of a character (including Stan Lee) say they like that creator’s run better than their own you know you have done something right. Hulk’s greatest heroic feats include: saving the life of Rick Jones, defeating Maestro and stopping Sabra from killing a child who may or may not become a global tyrant.
- Nightcrawler: First of two X-People to make the list is Kurt Wagner. Kurt’s stories range from his first miniseries (see forgotten stories last issue) to the dark events of his own very brief solo series. I think what makes Kurt a relatable and likable character is the fact you have a character with every reason to go the dark scary route -- his mutation that makes him looking vaguely demonic -- and yet faces the world with humor and whit. It’s hard to write this character wrong. (Unless you turn him into a serial killer, Wolverine wannabe.) The writer’s who have done exemplary job writing him include: Len Wein, Dave Cockrum, Chris Claremont and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa. His heroic deeds include: stopping a group slave traders and trying to save the very villagers who tried to kill him.
- Shadowcat: Kitty’s scores on most of areas are very highly. Dramatic flexiblity -- look at the fan favorite Kitty Pryde stories. On one end of the spectrum you have goofy and funny stories like Kitty’s Fairy Tale, The Cross Time Caper and Girl’s School from Heck. On the other end you end you have Days of Future Past, God Loves, Man Kills, Astonishing X-Men and the Kitty Pryde and Wolverine miniseries. As for being able to relatable -- let’s just say thanks to X-Men comics brainy, sarcastic and sensitive women are the only ones I let ruin my life. (I’m luckily to have this happen three times.) The only low score is authors who have written without her seemingly slightly out of character is somewhat low. Chris Claremont, Joss Whedon, Louise Simonson and to a certain extent Warren Ellis. I think Mrs. Simonson cheated however -- since Claremont reportedly based her personality on Simonson’s daughter. Heroic deeds: Saving the X-Men from Hellfire Club, defeating the N’garai and saving a boarding school for troubled young girls.
- The Thing: What happens when you mix the mannerisms of Jack Kirby, Don Rickles and Jimmy Durante into one person? You get Aunt Petunia’s favorite pile o’rocks -- you gotta a problem with dat? Didn’t think so. What makes Ben Grimm such a lovable character is that he’s gruff and curmudgeonly on the outside but deep down he’s actually a big softy. Of all the Fantastic Four, his is the character that has the most depth. It’s no wonder that he is the only member to have a full length solo series to last more than year. Human Torch’s Strange Tales adventures don’t count. He shared the book with Doctor Strange. And when sales sunk -- who had to bail Johnny out sales wise? Big Bad Benji, naturally. As for flexibility of story styles -- check out the first Essential Marvel Two In One for everything from action stories, to horror to high comedy. Heroic deeds: showing most of the bad guys in the Marvel universe what time it is. (If you can’t guess -- go read more Fantastic Four comics.)
- Spider-Man: I don’t think there is an adolescent male comics fan on the planet that hasn’t felt like young Peter Parker at some time or another. I think a lot of us had a Flash Thompson or Harry Osborn in our lives at some point. I know I did. Remember what about dramatic flexibility? That’s Spider-Man to a T. He’s been through the torment of ‘Kraven’s Last Hunt’ and still remained Spider-Man at his core. He’s had trouble getting money for the bus and had to ride on the roof. He was true to Spidey then to. The number of writers who have told great Spidey stories are practically a who’s who of the comics industry: Stan Lee, Roy Thomas, Marv Wolfman, Todd McFarlane, J.M. Dematies, Peter David, Roger Stern and a cast of thousands. Heroic deeds: very few that haven’t been retconned.
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There are also heroes who fail to live up to being heroes for a variety of reasons. Here they are -- Marvel’s 7 Worst Heroes.
- Speedball the Masked Marvel: Okay -- I have to admit before Civil War, Speedball was one of my favorite characters. Admittedly, only a handful of writers have handled him well. He also lacks a sense of dramatic flexibility. He appeared in plenty of serious New Warriors arcs but all his solo stories have been comedic done in one-shots. Even his original series seemed like a long injoke filled homage to the Lee/Ditko Spider-Man. The first writer to do a serious story with Speedball in a key role was Brian Michael Bendis. The second attempt, by Paul Jenkins, simply sucked everything fans loved about the character out of him. Most of the time he wasn’t that heroic. He tried but most of the time he screwed things up. In the Speedball backup story in New Warriors Annual #1, he had to be rescued by Katie Power. In the words of Nelson Muntz: ‘Haw-Haw!’
- Purple Girl: I know what you’re all going to say -- how can Kitty Pryde make the top three but her Canadian clone ends up here? That’s a bit hypocritical. There is a big difference. Only two writers bothered to write her into anything. Everyone else tried to pretend she didn’t exist or found ways to write her out. Second -- unlike Kitty who mouthed off only when there was something she felt was seriously wrong with the rest of the team wanted to do -- Purple Girl blindly rebelled against commands simply because someone else thought of it. If someone ordered her not to stick her tongue in the electric socket, she’d lick away. She caused more problems for Alpha Flight than she solved.
- Wolverine: I think Logan himself would agree that he belongs on this list. In one of the most oft repeated catch phrases in comics: ‘He’s the best there is at what he does...’. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of great Wolverine stories and many writers have captured the essence of the character very well. Unlike say, our men in #3 and 2, he has a moral center. It is just a little skewed on what he is willing to kill and what he is not. The fact that he considers murder an acceptable idea at all offs him from the hero list.
- Cable: I have never liked Cable. Marvel has enough time travelling mutants. It has enough gun totting maniacs. Cable is the worst of both worlds. It may come as a surprise to you that I actually enjoyed Cable/Deadpool immensely. I put up with him as Bert to Deadpool’s Ernie in every sense of the word. He loses points for number of writers to handled him well, dramatic flexibilty (he can’t do funny without Deadpool), not being all the heroic and for looking like a member of ‘The Cure’ on the animated series. He might gain more points if he fought MechaStreisand.
- Deadpool: Aside from when he’s being handled by his creator Rob Liefeld, I actually have found a soft spot for this character. A pure egotist who is incredibly self deluded and is of course a certifiably insane merc with a mouth. If it weren’t for the high body count -- he reminds me of one of my friends from when I was in college. (Who as far as I know never killed anyone one.) His goofiness makes him quite entertaining. He however, almost completely fails on the heroic front. Sometimes he does ‘good’ things but it is never out of love for his fellow human being but out of a rather pragmatic self interest. He has to save the world because it’s where he keeps all his stuff.
- The Punisher: There have been a handful of good Punisher stories. Most of them by Garth Ennis. One of the few others was never meant to be published. Chuck Dixon admits he submitted the Archie Vs. Punisher outline was an elaborate April Fool’s gag. He never meant for it to actually happen. I may be in the minority here but I don’t see anything heroic about murdering people in cold blood. Sometimes there is humor in it but only the very skilled can pull it off. That is how most Punisher stories end. Frank shoots the guy and walks away. He’s not admirable. He is not a hero.
- Superpro: I was iffy on whether not to include Superpro. For one thing it was a licensed book. It interacted with the Marvel the universe in a way that was even more tangential than Godzilla. On the other hand -- there has been at least one throw away reference to the series so there you go. What makes him unheroic? Where to start. The crappy costume that the NFL forced them to turn into a product placement? No. The fact he is a poor man’s Tony Stark with a sports addiction rather than booze? Still not there. Or maybe that his codename sounds more fitting for a super powered prostitute? Not quite. Is it that he actually stole his suit? No. It’s that Fabian Nicieza created the character simply to get free NFL tickets. The character is one big cancer the takes a fraction of the soul of everyone who touched it -- which actually included some of comics best writers and now long time established names.
Be here next time when I Bring On the Bad Guys . . .
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