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Due to technical difficulties beyond my control I did a livejournal posting of my heros article last month. At least one friend whole heartedly agreed with the first two spots- and objected to placing Deadpool on the worst list.
But let's forget about all that- and get down to Marvel's greatest bad guys. Much like their heroic counterparts a villain must have dramatic flexibility. Put them in an evil plot they are themselves. Put them in a mundane situation- they are still them. The must do evil things. Also many writers have to done them well. Finally they must provide a serious threat to the heroes they are most associated with.
- J. Jonah Jameson: Why do I count a mere newspaper and magazine editor amongst the greatest threats in the Marvel Universe? Well- let me tell you something about magazine editors. They are sociopaths who try to crush all creative spirit- the lot of them. He is the only foe Spider-Man has that he can't really fight, beat up or outsmart without some serious consequences. Who knows what Jonah could do. Remember- Jonah masterminded the creation of Scorpion and The Fly. Plus- at least according to Stan Lee his motivation for it all was simply that he thought Spider-Man was an incorruptibly good man the likes of which Jameson could never be, even if he tried. What do you expect when you treat your cub photographer better than your own son.
- The Phoenix: It trashes galactic empires, destroys love lives and cooks broccoli all in the same amount of time most of use take to brush our teeth. Oh sure, it saved the Earth and might have helped stop Proteus but it really has been a destructive force that raised the bar for every X-Men villain who came after it. Apocalypse, Sinister and even The Goblin Queen are nothing on Phoenix.
- ) Red Skull: It's hard not to put a super strong giant robot piloting ninety year old former Nazi general on the list. At 90 years old, still kicking (and I mean that literally) and preaching the cause really takes cajones. He is one of maybe two members of Captain America's rogues gallery that remain both almost exclusively associated with him and can be taken seriously. (The other being Baron Zemo is who is basically an embarrassing wannabe Doctor Doom.) The only reason he ranks this low is that up until a few years ago- Skull's insanity drove him to plans even he knew would fail. I live in the suburbs of D.C., so real world events less than twenty miles from where I'm sitting now, have reminded many people of just how frightening the ideas that drive the Red Skull really are.
- Kingpin: Wilson Fisk gets points for being a serious threat for not one, not two but three of Marvel's heavy hitters. Initially a foe of Spider-Man, Kingpin is now more of a foe to Daredevil and The Punisher. While rarely a world smashing bad guy- he is not to be underestimated. He's a great opponent for the characters I mentioned because they rarely deal with the cosmic by themselves. Fisk is dangerous because if you put him on trial, which has happened, he's only in jail for as long as it suits him. The only reason a pragmatist like Punisher hasn't killed him by now is that he did he'd just start a violent gang war that would take more innocent lives which would undermine everything Frank Castle is trying to prevent.
- Galactus: I have a lot of trouble of putting Galactus in this list. Do you call a hurricane evil? Or an earthquake? Galactus is many ways a force of nature. In one timeline, he died and his excrement was not available to ignite life on other planets. Galactus is on the list for one reason: hurricanes and earthquakes are not sentient. They don't know they are causing destruction. He knows there are sentient beings on the planets he eats. He can think about the lives lost when he destroys a planet and merely chooses to do it anyway because he feels his life is more important. I'm not an expert on psychology (though I took two courses in college) but I think those are signs of narcissistic personality with psychopathic tendencies. I know some readers will say that's like psychoanalyzing God. I think if I believed in God, I'd have the same diagnoses.
- Victor Von Doom: Victor Von Doom is the quintessential mad scientist. He's got the scary castle, the hideous scars, the giant castle, the endless army of robots with Phillip K. Dick syndrome, the serious hard on for his rival's wife, everything but a mustache to twirl. Beyond that- Doom has an occasionally glimpsed at compassionate side. A rather twisted form of compassion but it is there. Would you believe Doctor Doom's origin might have involved a panty raid? Yeah, me neither. But it's fun to think about.
- Magneto: The top spot of evil the Marvel Universe goes to Magneto for one reason, and one reason alone: he has done many horrible, terrifying things. He has destroyed cities, threatened to trigger World War III- all the sorts of things that super villains are supposed to do. That is not the worst thing about Magneto. What makes Magneto a truly great villain is that he does these things and when he's written well you're left with the impression that he is not wrong to do so. That all he is doing is defending himself- and mutants as a whole- from the inevitable human response. This makes him a truly serious threat not just to the X-People but most the Marvel Universe. While not canon Magneto, I walked out of X-Men 3: The Last Stand thinking the wrong side had won. In the face of potential genocide I'm not sure I wouldn't act exactly the way he did. Don't think Magneto is dramatically flexible? I distinctly remember one of his fights with Doom where Doom was ranting about how great he is and Magneto picked him up and say: 'You wear a metal suit.' Nuff said.
And now - Marvel's Worst Villains
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- Tony Stark/Iron Man: Since the start of Civil War it has been really hard for some fans, myself included, to believe Iron Man is a hero. His actions were more in step with the drunk on power mad men that he used to put in jail. Convincing people to publicly unmask, striping people who disagree with him of their powers, cloning dead friends... who does he think he is? Norman Osborne? Now the Iron Man as a villain could have been a really interesting way to go- only with Captain America's death they tried to turn him back into a hero and it just doesn't work.
- The Kidney Lady: She gets credit for being a credible threat to Howard the Duck. Aside from the combined might of everyone who ran for president in 1976, he didn't really have any foes that could stand his might. If you think about it, the other presidential wannabes had to team up. She doesn't really make long term plans. She just wants her delusions to stop. She can't do 100% serious stories either. She sees Howard and Beverly as the center of a plot to steal everyone's kidneys. It is a battle she, and she alone, must win. If she weren't completely delusional - she might almost considered a hero.
- Sabretooth: Okay, Creed is a good match for Wolverine. Put him in a group like the Marauders and he can be a good match for the X-Men. The problem I have with including him as a major threat comes from Power Pack #27. The Power kids had just gone through their first power swap and were just relearning their powers. With almost no ability to aim, Alex made short work of Creed in just a few panels. In Creed's first appearance he got his butt kick by Iron Fist back in the days when Danny Rand really was a pacifist. Psylocke beat him up before she got most of her combat training as well. So that's one, two, three strikes you're out big guy.
- The Mole Man: I have a real fondness for the Mole Man. The underground kingdom, the army of mole people, the obsession with sinking major cities underground. In spite of all this- I don't really think he's much of a threat to the Fantastic Four. Maybe a nice afternoon distraction but not a serious threat. Of course that could be because for some 'inconceivable' reason I tend to imagine everything he says coming out of the mouth of noted character actor Wallace Shawn. Though I don't think any other voice would help make him scary.
- Stilt Man: Here is a guy who probably has the worse gimmick in comics history- super powered stilts. All you have to do is trip him. How he became a villain who could take on Spider-Man and Daredevil (together) I'll never figure out. Yes, some serious stories have been told with this character but it is really hard to believe he could be a threat to anyone save for maybe, on a bad day, May Parker.
- Eye-Scream: There is a reason this villain with the power to become any flavor of ice cream only showed up once and it isn't because it was an inventory story that was supposed to run in Crazy magazine but the book got cancelled. It's because the powers were ridiculous, his origin made no sense and his goals were absurd. The whole gag was 'this guy can beat up all the X-Men but Obnoxio can take him out'. I'm not sure a serious story could derive from this character.
- Robot Sherlock Holmes: So- what do you throw at a super hero after they've faced off against almost dangerous like Diamondhead, at least two alien invasions and The Spinx? A robot that thinks it is Sherlock Holmes whose designs were transmitted into the head of the hero's brother (by the aliens no less) so they can track Nova. Unfortunately, the aliens must not have seen what happens to robots in comic books. Holmes began operating on his own agenda. I once asked Marv Wolfman about this character and he laughed and said: 'Oh yeah- him'. I can give Mr. Wolfman a break on that since co-creating Deathstroke and Terra more than makes up for this tiny mistake.
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