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Hard to believe I've written ten of these things. That's a year if you
count the two months where the column didn't run due to technical difficulties.
To think, this column was originally intended to be a short series of fill in
columns while I was trying to think of something to write about. It wasn't
meant to be a regular gig. Unfortunately for me, I finally have a column with
more than four readers so I'm kind of stuck with it for now. Anyway, this is
part one of a Zod only knows how many part series 'Did I Get What I Paid For?:
Don't Blame Me' where you the reader decide what I read. I don't know if I
should send my readers fruit baskets or perform unlicensed dentistry on the lot
of you. Since I bought the trades myself- here's what you should do. Go to
your local big box store, buy a Mister Potato Head and send me pictures of where
you put the mouth. If any of you actually do this- I will make sure Sheryl uses
that image for a future issue of Collector Times. Think of it as a contest
within a contest.
Our first request comes via Facebook's often glitchy chat box. Matt H. of
Towson Maryland says: 'You do a lot of regular Marvel. You should do more from
the Ultimate universe.'
You asked and you shall receive.
Ultmate Spider-Man Volume 3: This book picks up right where the omnibus edition
I reviewed several months ago leaves off. Remember how I thought that trying
too hard to make Ultimate Spider-Man movietic lessened my enjoyment of that
Volume. There is very little of that here. The characterization is strong. I
liked the introduction of Gwen Stacy. Where back in the Lee/ Romita days you
couldn't figure out why Peter would be attracted to such a snotty bitch, the
Ultimate universe Gwen Stacy is brainy, sarcastic and she kicks bullies in the
groin. It's like Archie if he to choose between Betty and Daria. Doctor
Octopus is suitably deranged. He's a scary villain for the first time in a good
long while. While he's only in it as a side plot, I ashamed to admit I liked
Spider-Man's encounter with Steve Irwin and Dog the Bounty Hunter- I mean
Kraven. While it is a very different origin for Kraven it was still very
enjoyable. Peter's social studies teacher is insane. I'm waiting for her to
knife somebody. Oh wait- she doesn't like knives. The only major annoyance is
that it seems every other villain knows that Peter Parker and Spider-Man are one
and the same. (Green Goblin knows but Electro doesn't. Doc Ock knows but
Kraven doesn't.) Also- is it just me or does the idiot jock Kong bare a strange
resemblance to a young Brian Michael Bendis? It's either a sure sign that this
character new to Ultimate Universe is a Mary Sue or it is intended as an homage
since Stan Lee was reportedly the model that Steve Ditko used for J. Jonah
Jameson. Anyway at $6.50 I got what I paid for. Congratulations, Matt H. of
Towson, MD for sharing the love on this one. You're an actual winner for once.
Not to sound like one of my favorite episodes of Star Trek: The Next
Generation, but comes via Facebook's often glitchy chat box. Matt H. of Towson
Maryland says: 'You do a lot of regular Marvel. You should do more from the
Ultimate universe.'
You asked and you shall receive.
Ultimate X-Men Volume 2: Do you know why I love the X-Men? Beneath all the
layers of Byzantine conspiracies, heart pounding action, romantic subplots and
sci-fi, which are all great by the way, there is a real heart to the
characters. Oh wait. That's on Earth 616. Mark Millar takes all the surface
elements and puts them in overdrive. The Logan/Jean/Scott love triangle has
played much more in Logan's favor until about half way through the book. Ororo
has hooked up with Hank McCoy. Half the team is either screwing somebody or
wants to kill one of their enemies. Or in Logan's case he wants to screw Jean
and kill Sabretooth. This Volume ups the ante when Jean kills someone with her
powers. Weapon X, on the mainline earth, maintained its mystique by
experimenting on only a small handful of mutants and humans. Here- if you're an
X-Man there is a good chance Weapon X has mucked about with your mind and body.
Then there is the appearance of the biggest annoyance in the Ultimate universe-
Samuel L. Fury. I paid $10 bucks for this and it was so not worth it. My
problem with Ultimate X-Men, and the Ultimate universe in general, is probably
the same as many long time Marvel fans. Imagine you're a three year old kid.
You know what blocks are. For your birthday you ask for blocks. Then your
mother gives you wood shavings. That is exactly what Millar is doing. If you
like senseless violence and meaningless sex then this is probably a great trade
for you to read. If you're looking for something with just a tad more thought
and substance to it, I'd suggest Essential X-Men Volume 3. Now, Matt H. of
Towson, MD, you win the prize you so desperately wanted- the blow to the head.
Now a letter from a reader who is almost like a member of the family. Rich C of
New York, (who happens to be my brother in law's brother) said: 'The Greatest
Robot on Earth is in Astro Boy Volume 3'.
Well, Rich... I know you liked me first two trips into Tezuka's world so here
we go...
Astro Boy Volume 3: A rarity for Astro Boy, this trade contains only two stories.
The first of which is the epic 'The Greatest Robot On Earth'. A story filled
with giant robots, things getting smashed, betrayals, absurd costumes, cross
dressing robots and an oversized serving of bizarre Tezuka logic. What I love
about Astro Boy becomes a lot more clear with this story. It doesn't the tell
us about the way the world is. Face it, the world is a nasty, horrible,
terrifying place. Tezuka's vision of tomorrow- by which I mean the year 2010-
is the way things should be. People get along. War is seen as an unnecessary
thing. Man and his technology have found a way to coexist without destroying the
environment. That's not to say it is without a dark side. That is another
oddity for an Astro Boy story. It has angst. The big emotional build up
between Pluto and Astro Boy makes no sense at all if you really stop and think
about it. However- Tezuka sold me on it. I wanted to believe it. While many
would see Pluto's fate as a tragedy- I actually felt that perhaps Bora's
existence was the real tragedy. He couldn't make the leap of faith Astro and
Pluto made to think their existence had value. They came to believe that they
were more than machines. As for the second story 'The Mad Machine'- Astro
is back to basics. A robot labor day is targeted by terrorists and all the
machines go haywire. Through an odd series of blunders, Astro Boy manages to do
his thing. Oh and the fourth wall gets broken so all is right with the
world. I got an Amazon Card for my birthday that I used to grab trades off my
wishlist that I couldn't find anywhere else- so I didn't actually pay money for
this one. Still- even if I had it would have been worth it. Thanks for the
recommendation Rich.
And because he's practically family, here is another email from Rich C. who
says: 'I'd like to recommend Pluto.'
I have reviewed one Volume of Pluto before. The one you gave me last
Christmas- remember? Still- if you insist- here we go.
Pluto Volume 2: If two years ago somebody told me I'd be reading an Astro Boy
Noir I would tell them they were crazy. If they had said not only would I be
reading it but be so throughly engrossed that I wouldn't even find it strange to
see Tezuka's classic characters being drawn in a much more realistic style then
I'd have them committed. It sounds strange but that is exactly what you get
with Pluto. Loosely based on Tezuka's 'The Greatest Robot on Earth', this story
is a riveting whodunit. The changes are so large that even if you have read the
original you still won't see a lot of the twists coming. The series has a
certain sedate quality- even in the action sequences- that makes them almost
disturbing. As with its cousin, 'The Greatest Robot on Earth', I didn't
actually pay money for this. Even if I had- I would have gotten what I paid
for. So Rich, you know I have a lot of trouble finding Pluto at local
bookstores. If you intend to get everyone Barnes and Noble cards for Christmas
again this year- please skip me. I want more Pluto.
Now- a rarity for this column- a side bar. As you can see this column has
just reviewed two different versions of Astro Boy: 'The Greatest Robot on
Earth'. Which one did I like better? Well- that's a tough question. If I
answered with my brain, I'd say Pluto. The dialogue is better. The characters
have more dimension. The repressed emotion just oozes the proper about of
ambiguity to make top notch Noir. That means the story is doing exactly what
the author wanted it to do. If I answered from my heart, I'd have to say the
original Tezuka. Pluto is trying, in some small way, to reinterpret Tezuka's
work. The pages are almost perfect but at times lack passion. Tezuka's artwork
maybe cartoony, strange, quirky and at times downright absurd but the one thing
you can never say about them is that they lack passion. Tezuka's enthusiasm
about manga is so infectious that he's been dead for more than 20 years and his
influence on comics is still being felt worldwide. I really enjoy both of them
for very different reasons. I think no matter how much better Pluto may be
intellectually and visually, I will always love classic dependable good old
fashioned Astro Boy more.
And now on to a conversation I had with one of my closest friends while
attending a local comic show on my birthday.
Friend: I forget- do you love or hate the Marvel Super Squad?
Me: There are times where I find it both very funny and disturbing.
So I ended up getting this next item as a birthday present...
Marvel Super Hero Squad: Super Stars: This collection is a very strange. It
doesn't collect Marvel's comic book based on the TV show, but rather three panel
web comics the TV show is based on. In that sense it is more like a typical
humor strip that one would find in the newspaper. It is nowhere near as funny
as great strips like Zippy the Pinhead, Pearls Before Swine, Pooch Café or the
greatest in your face laughfest of them all- Mark Trail. Even at its worst it
is still funnier than any Garfield strip drawn in almost twenty years. I would
much rather pick up The Washington Post and read Super Squad than 'The Duplex'
or 'Mallard Fillmore'. There were some strips that made me laugh out loud. As
I said- I didn't pay for this so it has to be pretty bad not to be something I
got what I paid for. (And if you look back in the archives I've had a few
freebies where I asked for my money back.) Would I have spent my own money on
it? Probably not. I still recommend it if you find it in a cheap box.
Our next letter comes from Sheryl R of Texas who writes: Killraven! Killraven!
Killraven!
Okay- but remember you asked for it.
The Essential Killraven: Let's start off by saying that in terms of quality,
anytime you change writing teams before your first issue even comes out than
chances are you are dropping a ball of something not suitable for print. Any
time you change writers four times in five issues your chances of producing a
series worth reading are so slim they fall into the realm of one dimensional
objects. The plot presented by Roy Thomas and Neal Adams and written by Gerry
Conway reads like it was intended for Conan 2099. Conway continues on this road
for his next issue. Marv Wolfman who even back in the 70s was usually a more
than competent writer doesn't seem to have any idea what this series is actually
supposed to be. He is gone by the next issue. These issues are about as
salvageable as the legacy of Fatty Arbuckle. I don't even think replacing the
Martians with apes would redeem them. Then Don McGregor stepped in. At this
point it seemed like the series was a corpse that didn't know it was dead.
Something odd happened around his third or fourth issue. The sales on the book
were good enough to keep the book going but not high enough that any of the
editors gave a damn about what actually went inside. You started getting
stories about Martians using human beings as cuisine, a story with implied
hallucinogen use, the first interracial couple in a mainstream comic and a
discussion about mental retardation. Some issues that are incredibly strong
and managed to weave out of the sword and sorcery vs. space aliens mold. These
were all steps in the right direction. What prevents it from reaching the
quality of Howard The Duck or even Werewolf By Night is that it does not take
those steps far enough. Additionally there are several steps backwards. The
first being the inclusion of an issue of Marvel Team Ups where Spider-Man meets
Killraven. The whole concept seems extremely out of place. There is also the
issue with various other Marvel characters which feels like they were hammered
in because they needed to fill the 22 pages with pictures. Both of these
stinkers were guest written by Bill Mantlo. They were obvious and shameless
attempts to bring in new readers without bothering to check if genres mixed
well enough to tell actual stories. A crossover is well and good when the idea
works. These stories are the comics equivalent of guzzling soda while eating
Pop Rocks save for the fact that I'm pretty sure these issues will actually
cause an untrained head to explode. The 1980s Graphic Novel was a huge
disappointment. Here McGregor was being given a chance to finish the story
years after it last saw print something unprecedented at a mainstream publisher
in those days. It promises to be the end of the epic. The reader would have
expected: 1) For Killraven to find and either rescue or kill his brother 2) For
him to go to Mars to end the War of Worlds which had been his goal since the
beginning of the series and 3) begin to let Carmilla and M'Shulla build the new
human society. It delivers only the first and fails on all the rest. The
reader is just kept waiting for stuff to happen. If it wasn't for all the sex
and sword play I would have thought I was reading Samuel Beckett fanfiction.
The story from Marvel Knights Killraven was visually amazing but otherwise
forgettable. My thought on the trade itself was that I was honestly entertained
by about 1/3 of it. I hope Sheryl won't remove me limbs with a hacksaw or
cancel my column for saying this but it was a complete and total waste of one
hour's wage.
Not to sound like a Bill Murray movie but our final request comes via
Facebook's often glitchy chat box. Matt H. of Towson Maryland says: 'You do a
lot of regular Marvel. You should do more from the Ultimate universe.'
You asked and you shall receive.
Ultimate X-Men Volume 3: I have to admit reading the first story in this Volume
I was almost convinced that the cover was misprinted. The story- while
obviously not Earth 616- was actually good which is not true to form with
Ultimate X-Men. Then I got to The World Tour arc. This story was almost two
thirds pure Claremont. Really- writer Mark Millar took all the beats from
Claremont's Proteus Saga, changed a few minor details and then added Psylocke as
a girl in a refrigerator. He didn't even bother changing the ending that much.
It was not an homage- it was fairly blatant plagiarism. Only it was a Marvel
employee ripping off Marvel's own work for hire so there is legally nothing
Claremont could do about it except not get paid. Don't get me wrong. The
Proteus story is a good one. If I wanted to read it, I'd go read my Essential
X-Men trades again. The Ultimate version lacks soul. The third story where
Xavier goes to see the mind wiped Magneto was passable and in some place
incredibly strong. Then comes the last two chapters which are like Lister's
sandwich. I find Gambit, as a character, to be a waste of space. As I have
stated in previous columns, I have some pretty harsh things to say about the
writing style of 'Dumb Something that Rhymes with' Chuck Austen. Ultimate X-Men
is usually an almost intolerable read. Which is why I'm extremely surprised
that working from these three ingredients arose such a well crafted story. I
found myself caring about the unnamed little girl and Gambit. The first
chapter worked a lot better than the second where the X-Men show up. When
Gambit tells Xavier he doesn't need their help I laughed at the (probably)
unintentional metatextual message. How strange is it is when The X-Men seem
like intruders in their own title? Was the book worth $8.5? Not by a
longshot. Next time we meet Matt H. You're in for some deep hurting. Does the
phrase 'Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla' mean anything to you? It will.
Muahahahahahahahahahhaha!
In order to give myself time to grab some more of the recommendation, next
month- assuming there is a next month- we will bring you the terror that is:
More Mutant Madness.
Do you have a trade I didn't review that you'd like to see in a future issue of
Collector Times? Go to our contact page with 'Forward to Jess' in the topic
line. As long as 1) you don't expect me to read X-Men: The Manga Volume 2,
Golden Age Superman or Silver Age Superman. 2) No porn comics either. I don't
care if it's drawn by Phil Foglio or Milo Minara. 3) You expect no apology if
you rip one of your favorites a new one. See Sheryl- I put that rule there for a
reason.
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