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Good news and bad news folks. The bad news is a huge chunk of this column is reprints from the Spider-Man Top Ten List from "Did I Get What I Paid For?" reorganized for The Year of the Superhero format. The Good news is, it allows me to give you guys a treat of three lists. Including - the Craziest People Who Have Met Spider-Man.
- If This Be My Destiny (Amazing Spider-Man #31-#33): Aunt May is dying. Again. This time from poisoning from her early blood transfusion from Peter. Spider-Man has bigger problems to deal with. There is a dangerous villain known as The Master Planner running around. All the hints point to one of his former foes- but which one. Added to this problem is that Peter must turn to Curt Connors (a former foe) for help curing Aunt May. Plus- the ongoing love triangle continues. It concludes with one of the most inspiring Spider-Man moments in Marvel history- Spider-Man struggling not only with a pile of rubble and the conscience of Peter Parker.
- When Cometh The Commuter (Amazing Spider-Man #267): What has always made Spider-Man a great character is that he can deal with super villains and be Spider-Man. He can deal with small time thieves with a midlife crisis and still be Spider-Man. Not only that- sometimes its those smaller crimes that give him the most trouble. In this case he traces a small burglar into the suburbs. It's not easy being a wall crawler in an area without many building taller than three stories. Plus, Spider-Man receives pretty devastating scolding by a six year old Shana David.
- Spider-Man- Hooky : Spider-Man journeys into a world of magic, monsters and flying pirates. Normally taking him out of his comfort zone doesn't work. Have no fear true believers, authors Susan Putney and fantasy/horror artist extraordinaire Berni Wrightson produce a story that is magical and trippy while also being entertaining and very character driven. It's a story about growing up and letting go of fear. It also puts Spider-Man in the role of a teacher. Which is something that no matter how natural he is at it, always surprises him. This story itself is full of surprises. There are little things all over you don't notice unless you look for them.
- The Death of Jean DeWolff: This story has Spider-Man once again dealing with personal loss as he hunts a serial killer. His one friend on the police force is murdered. It becomes even more personal once he realizes DeWolff had a crush on him. This story has it all- action, twists and turns, the starting point of the downfall of Eddie Brock, a fight with Daredevil and so much more. It's got the first professionally script by Peter David. (Though not the first one printed.)
- Spider-Man's Tangled Web #20 "Behind the Mustache": This is not really a Spider-Man story. It looks into the mind of one of Spider-Man's greatest foes- J. Jonah Jameson. It's a long twisted ride that gives the reader a little more meat on Jameson. While it sort of contradicts some of Stan Lee's motivation for the character it does a lot to humanize Jonah. You almost feel sorry for him. Which considering some of the things he's done- takes some doing.
- Spider-Man: Soul of a Hunter: This sequel to Kraven's Last Hunt is not quite the caliber of the original. Sequels almost never are. Still it shows that Peter Parker didn't get out of that situation entirely unscathed. Which is a problem I think a lot of super hero stories have. Heroes go through real trauma and then show no signs of physical or emotional damage a few issues later. While no Kraven's Last Hunt (aka Fearful Symmetry) it's still a very strong story.
- Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21: The Wedding: This one is a good one and there are no super villains in it unless of course you count J. Jonah Jameson. Just Peter Parker angsting over what should have been the easiest decision he's ever made in his whole life. Really- choosing your high school bully to be your best man would have been a harder decision but he makes that one in about 30 seconds.
- The Amazing Spider-Man #248: The Kid Who Collects Spider-Man: This story is a real heartbreaker. What makes Peter Parker such an endearing character is that you can put him in so many situations and he's still himself.
- Kraven's Last Hunt: Yes, I've mentioned my love for this story on two other separate occasions. It is without a doubt the greatest Spider-Man story ever told. Mike Zeck's art comes into perfect sync with DeMatteis's script. We actually learn new things about four main characters- Peter Parker, Kraven, Vermin and Mary Jane. And in spite of him being in costume almost the whole time- it doesn't really feel like a Spider-Man story. It feels like a Peter Parker story and that's part of the source of its power. If you take away Spider-Man's mask and there is still something there. What would happen if you took away Kraven's suit?
- Power Pack #6-8: No sooner do the Power kids move to New York than, like all siblings, they fight. The girls go one way and the boys go the other. Girls team up with Dragonman. The boys meet Spider-Man. Mobsters kidnap Professor Gilbert and make him make an army of Dragonmen. Everybody teams up with Cloak and Dagger. Spider-Man's role is smaller but it's sort of that "welcome to the neighborhood" and actually acts as an elder statesmen. He tries to dissuade the kids from being super heroes. Though anyone who knows the Powers knows how well that would work.
- The Secret Origin of Jessica Jones (Alias# 22-#28): This is another story where Spider-Man has a very small but very pivotal piece of the story. Jessica Jones is a smart and at the time shy high school student at Midtown High. One who just happens to have a crush on Peter Parker and he doesn't realize it. In fact- he doesn't know it but he's probably the closest thing she has to a friend. It makes everything that happens to her over the course of her secret origin all the more poignant. Similar circumstances, similar tragedies and very different directions.
- Ultimate Spider-Man Annual #1: Teenage love and super heroics never work even in the Ultimate Universe. Kitty Pryde and Iceman broke up. Spider-Man is going through something similar with Mary Jane. The characters really zing- it's Bendis at his best outside of a noir. It's a traditional, bubbly, action adventure romantic comedy with a little character development and fun thrown in. It's really all fun and games until The Shocker shows up. If you only bother reading one Ultimate Comic make it this one. Really, you don't need any others.
- Spider-Woman #20: In this issue- Spider-Woman is in desperate need of cash and makes a bad decision and steals some money. Then she decides to put it back. Her only problem is that photographer Peter Parker is in town, which means she has her first run in with The Amazing Spider-Man. The plot itself is a little been there, done that. With a few nice twists. They fight at first. Then they flirt. They team up to try to put the money back. They flirt some more before ultimately settling on the weird spot between mutual attraction and finding an awkward almost familial connection.
- Howard the Duck #1: Other dimensional travel, credit card companies run amok and talking ducks. Those are just some of the weird things that await Spider-Man in this bizarre tale from Marvel's best title of the 70s. It is rife with parody on America's obsession with possessions, collections and even super hero comics. Spidey would seem almost thrown in there- save for the fact the story is obviously satirizing Marvel's policy of just throwing Spider-Man into a title to boost sales which the ending truly expands upon.
- Spider-Man meets Spider-Man 2099: One is a wisecracking brainiac from Queens who was bitten by a radioactive spider who fights crime because with great power comes great responsibility. The other is a scientist from a dystopian future is working on a corporate project to duplicate the original Spider-Man's powers and ends up being a forced test subject. He discovers he has turned a blind eye to horrible actions of his corporate masters and that someone should stop it. Since almost the beginning of the title fans wanted to see Peter Parker and Miguel O'Hara meet. It took years but the story fans demanded was told by Spider-Man 2099 co-creator and former Spider-Man writer Peter David. Save for a few pages- this is almost a non-team up team-up because the two heroes swap time periods. Still- what little time they do interact is incredibly funny.
- Silver Surfer Volume 1. #14: What makes a good Spider-Man team up? A great question True Believers. This is a rare achievement in the Marvel standby of Hero vs. Hero stories. Both sides seem 'at least from one standpoint' to be doing the right thing. You can see where both heroes are right and both heroes are wrong. Moral conflict is the essence of drama. Of course they kinda sorta agree to disagree, but it's a great story written by the one and only Stan Lee.
- Spider-Man and Human Torch: This miniseries by Dan Slott is incredible. It's action packed. It's got heroes trading insults. It answers the age of question- Do Spider-Man and the Torch really hate each other? The answer is…nah, I won't tell. It does feature the return of a great villain- the menace of The Spider-Mobile.
- Marvel Team-Up Volume 1. #137: Okay, Spider-Man isn't in this issue much. This is really an Aunt May story. Aunt May- Herald of Galactus. See, she winds up babysitting Franklin Richards- and then there's something about Twinkees and it might have been everyone's collective dream or the assistant editor's being allowed to run the company for a month. Or something like that. It's a very funny read. Don't argue just trust me.
- Marvel Team-Up Volume 1. #74: Spider-Man has always been, in some respects, one of Marvel's funniest heroes. It's not just because of his wisecracks. He also gets himself into the most absurd situations. Here combines both, and even this when he's teamed up with the classic cast of Saturday Night Live, Spider-Man is the straight man for many of the routines. You won't believe how the fight between John Belushi's Samurai vs. Silver Samurai ends.
And now for the weirdest people to have ever met Spider-Man:
- Spider-Man Meets President Obama: This one was a big event nearly four years ago. Now this once sought after collectible is filling fifty cent boxes and bird cages. Marvel heroes meeting or rescuing sitting presidents is nothing new. Every President since Kennedy has appeared in the Marvel universe at some point. (Ask Steve Englehart about Richard Nixon.) It's not even the first time Marvel has given a sitting president guest billing on the cover. However, it is the first time that a sitting president has ever got more cover space than the star. In fact- Obama reportedly more than quadrupled sales.
- Spider-Man Meets Dracula: Okay- Marvel has had its own version of Dracula. He's public domain so anyone can use him. However any time Marvel's horror books interacted with the greater Marvel universe things tended to get a little weird. Dracula is a tricky opponent. But is he strong? Listen bud, he'd drink radioactive blood. Luckily- he's not really after Spider-Man- though his goals are cross-purpose. Dracula wants to rule the world and Spidey just wants to save Aunt May. They never quite meet. Though they kind of glance out of the corner of their eyes and interact with each others plots from the sidelines.
- Spider-Man Meets Killraven: Happy-go-lucky web-slinging super hero meets Martian slaying knight errant from the future. If anyone can explain to me why this makes sense- please explain. Up until Spider-Man and Killraven met it was never even confirmed they were in the same universe. Everyone just assumed it because they shared a publisher. Spidey- on his own anyway- has always been grounded in the modern Marvel universe. So the mix is really out there. Plus- in interrupts a great storyline for 25 pages of incomprehensibility that somehow makes even less sense if you've actually been reading both Marvel Team-Ups and Killraven.
- Spider-Man Meets Red Sonja: This story has been told twice. The first time in Marvel Team-Ups #79 and retold in Spider-Man/Red Sonja. Both versions involve a villain Marvel created for Conan the Barbarian escaping into the Marvel universe and Red Sonja possessing Mary Jane to help him stop it. It was really Marvel's way of getting around the Howard Estate's rule about no crossovers with the Marvel universe outside of What If? (Though Howard created a non-Conan verse character named Red Sonya, which Roy Thomas adapted into Conan as Red Sonja... long story.) Anyway- this cornball crossover is very strange-and the newer sequel/retelling is probably weirder since it throws in the entire Spider-Man rogues gallery.
- Spider-Man Meets Superman: The first time this story was done it had the words "Because the Fans Demanded It" right on the cover. It some sense- it is easy to see why. However even with Marvel's demands for the villains to have red sun lamps and Kryptonite- Spider-Man is really just a third rate sidekick. Either one of them could have eventually stopped Luthor and Doctor Octopus on their own. Still, it was fun seeing them fight- and then work together. That's the Marvel way.
- Spider-Man Meets Top Dog: Okay- Spider-Man is no stranger to funny animal team ups but this one takes the cake. Top Dog was way out there in its own universe. There were regular crossovers with Royal Roy and Heathcliff for crying out loud. Then all of a sudden comes this quasi-team up with Spider-Man. I say quasi-team up because it is one of those endless "Somebody Makes a Movie About Spider-Man" stories. Only it does feature a cameo by everyone's favorite friendly neighborhood photographer. Nuff said.
- Spider-Man Meets The Transformers: Again- I've mentioned this one before. Marvel did a lot of weird things with their licensed books in the starting in the 1970s and ending in the early to mid 1990s. They did crossovers and some of those are actually counted as Marvel canon. While not in the same level of weird as Rom- Space Knight- these crossovers (and I recently found out there were more than one) between Spider-Man and The Transformers got really weird. Especially since neither Spidey or the Transformers seem to remember any of it when they met again in Avengers Meet Transformers. These 1980s story are jarring. Little thought seems to be put in to see if the two worlds mesh. It boosted sales on an already solid book- turning a limited series into an ongoing like magic.
- Spider-Man Meets the Cast of Saturday Night Live: Okay, I know I already mentioned this one before. However something bears repeating- Chris Claremont actually has a sense of humor. He denies it up and down if asked. If you have only two or three bucks at a convention and you want to convince a friend or family member of this fact: this is the issue to go with. And yes- Peter Parker's Uncle Ben is still dead.
- Spider-Man Meets Ren and Stimpy: I mentioned this one before in a column I did about best hero vs. hero fights. It is an almost surreal story. In every conceivable way this story should make absolutely no sense. Yet somehow the insane mind of Dan Slott makes it work. I don't know why or how he did it, but man is this comic funny. It's exciting. It's silly. The rematch is kind of gross. It is everything a Ren and Stimpy story should be without losing any of the Spider-Man flavor.
- Spider-Man meets Rudyard Kipling's Baloo the Bear, S.E. Hinton's Outsiders and many others: Okay- this one was in a Public Service Announcement comic done in cooperation with Reading is Fundamental. It's technically not canon though it was recently reprinted in a PSA trade collection. Spider-Man begins chasing bad guys through the pages of books. Think Jasper Fforde only all the humor is completely unintentional. The comic was written by none other than Louise Simonson and drawn by Jon "The Bog" Bogdanove. Which explains some of the weird book choices. A lot of them were either their personal favorites or those of their family members that just happened to be standard curriculum for third through seventh grade in the early 1990s. That was the audience they thought they had a chance of reaching. Though the use of any form of written word to promote reading is actually counter intuitive. You have to assume someone who might not otherwise have an interest in reading actually knows how to read.
Next: Titans Together!
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