Top Ten Licensed Books

by Jesse N. Willey

   
Okay - love'em or hate'em crossovers are big part of comics universes. So I decided they deserve their own month. A list of not only the best crossovers but the best crossover tie ins. Face it, a lot of the best stories from a crossover take place there.

 

  1. The Shadow (DC Comics vol 2 and 3): I have just discovered this one and have not read it in its entirety. These runs- most noted for work by Howard Chaykin and Andy Helfer- are a scream. I know a lot of weird stuff goes on. It's wacky in an almost Giffen/Dematteis kind of way. I can see how it might really piss off some hardcore Shadow fans. Then again- those same fans don't seem to mind the Shadow vs. Space Aliens stories of the 50s or DCs previous incarnation in the 1970s where he often teamed up with Batman. Maybe it's the fact that Helfer and others go out of their way to actively poke fun at them- even if it is in a gentle loving sort of way. The parts I read, felt more like an absurdist metacommentary on the camp nature of old comics and the overly serious style of comics of the Post-Watchmen era. Apparently the rights holders didn't find it funny because the license was lost a few issues after some funny stuff involving the Shadow's decapitated head was put on a robot's body.
  2. Star Trek - Starfleet Academy (Marvel): During Marvel's second attempt at doing Star Trek they really went all out. They did a whole sling of titles. While most were mediocre and others were plain bad- Starfleet Academy was surprisingly good especially since it started as a Deep Space Nine spinoff starring Nog. Only within six months of the launch the writers were informed that Nog would be returning to the TV series. So it was essentially a Star Trek series with no established characters in it. Another surprise? This actually turned into its strength. They were free to do a lot more. They could maim characters, introduce adult themes that Paramount probably wouldn't have allowed otherwise and even killed off main characters while using some popular Star Trek characters for the occasional guest star. Of course they had a few big names stop by as well- like Picard, Spock and Captain Pike. There was also the inevitable crossover with all the Star Trek line which knocked some wind out of its sails and Marvel's somewhat abrupt abandonment of the Star Trek license leaves this one of the best unfinished stories in the Star Trek noncanon.
  3. Star Wars - The Adventures of Tag and Bink: Who are Tag and Bink? Well-- um-- that's a long story. They are basically space pilots off the street who wander around the Star Wars universe in a fashion similar to the play 'Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead'. They provide hilarious commentary on the saga. Every plot hole and obvious (and not so obvious) continuity glitch you can think of in the series gets addressed. Imagine everything that Robot Chicken and Family Guy attempted to do-- only much funnier because they aren't using stand ins. I'm just pissed that the planned 'Tag and Bink Holiday Special' never made it out of development hell. Apparently jokes about Lando's unseen sister sleeping with just about anyone (including Chewie) is okay. Reminding people of the television disaster of 1978 -- that gets you buried.
  4. Star Trek (DC Comics Volume 2): DC's second attempt at doing Star Trek: The Original series started off strong. After a long protracted argument with Paramount's licensing department the series got one major victory on DC's part. They kept Peter David- for a little while anyway- which didn't mean Roddenberry's assistant had to like it. I think almost all Star Trek comics fans are familiar with the Robert Banner incident. If you aren't- check the archives of Mr. David's blog. Without Peter David, the quality more or less continued- with some fluxuations under the pen of Howard Weinstein and others. It is a far cry from DC's first run which ran the gamut from sci-fi, drama, comedy, action/adventure but it still packed in a lot more character driven material. Over all- this run is great especially those first nineteen issues or so.
  5. G.I. Joe (Marvel): I am not personally a big G.I. Joe fan. Really, this entry is here because I'm afraid Mathew Bredfeldt would track me down with a slingshot and fling a marble into my eyes if I didn't include it. I watched the cartoon. I have a few digest versions of the first 9 issues or so. I get the appeal. Larry Hama did a good solid job of making G.I. Joe not just another toy based comic. There was a lot more depth to it. They had Joe teams going on unsanctioned ops. They had members betray the team. It was a lot less black and white than the cartoon series and from my understanding people actually died. Which is realistic for a war comic. Yet somehow, through all this there were even some elements of humor.
  6. Godzilla (Marvel): Godzilla was one of the first licensed properties Marvel had that was fully integrated into the Marvel universe. It was the best as well. Sure- at first glance Godzilla and super heroes don't quite fit. However the Marvel Universe is full of giant monsters and the S.H.I.E.L.D. connection was truly inspired. Some the team ups were just great. Godzilla vs. Devil Dinosaur was an absolutely brilliant idea. Ant-Man vs. Godzilla- in which Godzilla gets shrunken down to the size of an action figure was hilarious. The only one that didn't quite work was Godzilla vs. the whole damn Marvel Universe. Unlike most licensed books where the crossover were often ignored this one was cool enough to get referenced in Marvel Two-In-One and a few other places. One villain created for Godzilla, Dr. Daemonicus, appeared a few years later in Shogun Warriors (another more easily forgotten licensed book), West Coast Avengers and even made a cameo in the early part of Brian Michael Bendis's Avengers run of all places.
  7. Ren and Stimpy (Marvel): Chances are if you were in the 10-14 demographic and male) in the early 90s, you loved Ren and Stimpy. The comic series, particularly the first year and half under the gag factory that is Dan Slott, read like a John K. cartoon you could hold in your hand. Slott's writing style was a near perfect match for (and looking back sometimes of superior quality to) the Spumco source material. Most of the artists captured the visual style Spumco used as well. Ren and Stimpy: Masters of Time and Space Special has to be one of the most amazing Choose Your Own Adventure stories ever written. It would get a spot on the list just for that special issue alone. Not to mention the Powedered Toast Meets Spider-Man story. Or the Bogart spoof. Plus, it had the best letter column this side of Groo the Wanderer.
  8. Star Trek (DC Comics Volume 1.): When DC first got the Star Trek license people were hoping it would better than Marvel's (first) attempt and knew it couldn't be worse than Gold Key's run. What they got were some strong efforts by people who had already made a name for themselves in comics. People like Mike W. Barr and Len Wein. They also had some fill ins by Star Trek and fantasy novelists like Diane Duane. There were a few mediocre fill in issues as well but what it is probably best known for is some of the first professional Star Trek work by Peter David, a man who won a media tie in award for his decades of hard work on Star Trek books. Some of the best Star Trek comics ever written are in this run.
  9. Mickey Mouse (Newspaper strips/Western) by Floyd Gottfredson: Here's a funny story. Minnie Mouse is tired of Mickey not wanting to settle down. So she dumps him. Mickey gets depressed and tries to kill himself. He tries all types of crazy methods and they don't work. A piece of cracktastic fan fiction you say? No. This was an actual authorized story put out in newspapers across the country. Written and drawn by Floyd Gottfredson, like all the Disney products of the time, was stamped with Walt Disney's own signature. What made Gottfredson's work with Mickey so appealing is that he knew Mickey was becoming the corporate mascot and he didn't care. He kept the more devil may care zany Mickey of the very early shorts. While time and tide made have washed away all but the saccharine residue from the house of mouse- Gottfredson's work reminds us of a happier time. A time when it was okay for a mouse to choke himself with a bed sheet on the front page of the comics section.
  10. Donald Duck/Uncle Scrooge by Carl Barks (Western): It seems like almost a life time ago that I discovered Carl Barks's work. It was repopularized in my childhood by the TV series Ducktales. As great as that series was, it pales in comparison to the one of the masters of comics at play. I say play because Barks clearly loved what he was doing. These stories are whimsical and fun for children. Unlike most funny animal comics- there is a indefinable quality that makes them an even more amazing to read as an adult. Unlike many licensed books that don't merely work within the canon- they redefine it. They are not just good licensed books they are amongst the best comics ever done- period. Some people complain about the way many 'minority' characters are treated. However Barks heroic characters never talk down to them. Yes, they look and speak like typical caricatures of the time. Whereas the source material would paint them as evil or stupid, Barks makes them likable. They are people Donald and the boys treat with respect. (Scrooge is a different story though he doesn't show them any less respect than he does anyone else and he treats them a lot better than he does Donald.) In other words, Barks is following in the tradition of Samuel Clemens in intentionally making fun of the stereotype.

 

And now because my loyal reader and our Eclipso possessed editor in chief Sheryl wouldn't let me say goodbye to this column without releasing a rather large amount of my near boundless rage here is a list of some of the worst licensed comics I have ever seen.

  1. Alf (Marvel/Star): Okay- Alf live action show might just rank as one of the funniest sitcoms of the 1980s. Granted, in 1980s the sitcom was creatively dead. The character himself was marketed as everything. T-Shirts, lunch boxes, toys and even a Saturday Morning Cartoon. That last one is actually where the problem comes in for the comic. It couldn't decide which version of Alf to adapt. There were shorts with the Tanners- looking odd and cartoonish- which otherwise matched very closely with the sitcom. There were also stories that looked like the cartoon series that were set on Melmac. Only even when it used characters from the cartoon series, it didn't always seem like the cartoon series Melmac. By the end of the run the Melmac stories had turned into watered down versions of the Mad magazine movie parody of the month. The Ninja Turtles and X-Men spoofs are almost painfully stupid. There is however one good thing you can say about this series- at least one issue featured a cover by the always amazing Bill Sienkiewicz parodying a Stray Toasters cover by the great Bill Sienkiewicz. For some reason this comic is not listed on his Wikipedia page. I don't know why but I own the issue so I know it exists.
  2. Slimer (Now): When I was a kid I really loved The Real Ghostbusters. When the show first moved to an hour long format they came up with the brillant idea to give Slimer his own shorts. And if by brilliant you mean, "Holy crap, Stracynzski just left. How are we going to fill 20 more minutes a week without having to actually write anything?" These were shorts where everybody looked off model sometimes even blurry and added an odd new supporting cast including Slimer's own rogues gallery. They were cartoons even the six year olds watching didn't like as much as the adventure segments. (They placed them before and after the main segment so you couldn't change channels after the main feature without being right in the middle of another show.) Imagine what would happen if you took those shorts and gave them a comic separate from the Real Ghostbusters. In one since this makes it a great licensed book. They replicated the shorts nobody wanted to watch exactly. Would you really want to buy it? The answer is: no. Absolutely not. I did occasionally when my local comic store had a blow out sale on kids comics. One time my mom got me some when I was recovering from Chicken Pox. The truth is nobody liked the shorts and gerbils refused to make their business on these comics.
  3. Care Bears (Marvel/Star): In terms of comic book and cartoon characters- Ohio seems to be the place to escape from. Siegel and Shuster, Harvey Pekar, Jeff Smith and Brian K. Vaughn all came out of there. The Care Bears on the other hand should have stayed there. The images themselves are kid friendly and cute enough. However the Care Bears have two secret super powers. First: to thinly disguise Christian metaphors, shove it down kids throats before they are old enough to make up their own mind. Secondly: they have the power to suck the coolness right out of Madballs. Yes, the Care Bears comics did crossovers, including one with American Greetings boy friendly toyline. One built on the simple premise of being as disgusting as you can get away with and still remain on a toy store shelf. Only when they appeared with the Care Bears they weren't the horrible disgusting pranksters as they had been in their own show and comics. They were just misunderstood. Now if it had kept the style of the Madballs own comics that could have been kind of cool.
  4. Popples (Star): Okay-- imagine you want to make a lovable cute plush toy to compete with the giant version of The Glow Friends and Care Bears. Glowing and weird patches are all locked up. So what do you do? You make toys that look like weird soft cuddly monsters that can turn into balls. Then you build a cartoon series and comic around it and wait for the money to roll in. Now the TV series did well enough to last two seasons on Sunday syndication. (Then again so did Harry and the Hendersons.) The comic book on the other hand is another story. It was marked on the cover as being a five issue limited series. Either this series was really leaking money or everyone working on it doesn't know how to count. Which is fine because Star Comics were marketed to parents to read to children who were under the age of three. If my nephew is any indication (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 5, 7, 9, 8, 10....) they didn't know how to count either.
  5. Supergoof (Western): Okay you take an often overlooked Disney character- check. How do you boost his sales? Hrrmmm... what sells? Save for about ten years in the 50s, super heroes have always sold. So-- make Goofy a super hero. We've never seen him do anything heroic before- in fact he causes more disasters than he solves. That's okay- that's his gimmick. Yeah- I admit it. It's a funny gag the first few times. However Supergoof lasted from 1965 to 1984. There is only one good thing to really come out of that whole fiasco. The title gave a start- and almost an ending- to the career of Mark Evanier. So if it hadn't been for this Disney sponsored fiasco Groo would have been a silent comic.
  6. The Adventures of Bayou Billy (Archie): This one of the first comics based on a Nintendo character. Archie in their infinite wisdom opted not to go for something like Mario Brothers which- you know- had at least shot of being good. Or at least sell. No- they wanted a comic where they wouldn't have to pay much for the license. Video games were big. Indiana Jones was big. So they adapted Bayou Billy- Indiana Jones illegitimate love child with Dirty Harry. Too bad very few people had ever even heard of this game, let alone played it. And there weren't exactly that many rabid Bayou Billy fans who said: 'You know-- this would make a great comic book'. I used to have the first issue. Issue two was advertised in the back but I have never seen it. I only have Wikipedia's word that the other four issues of this limited series were completed. And you know how reliable they are.
  7. Kooshkins (Harvey): What are the Kooshkins you ask? You remember Kooshballs right? Those little balls made of rubber bands.. Well in 90s they decided to glue plastic faces and the occasional appendages to them to make them into action figures. It was a cheap way to revitalize and ailing toy line. In order to sell them they decided to try to get a TV show and comic book produced. The TV show never happened. Somehow not even DIC was interested. As for the comic, sadly it did. Did they go to Marvel who had a history of making good tie-ins with high sales and easy accessibility at toy stores and 7-11 where a parent might conceivable find said comic? No- they went with Harvey a publisher that was barely staying open and even comic stores were trying to avoid carrying. This poorly written Popples knock off special was supposed to be a six issue limited series. However the universe was spared from this disaster by the collapse of Harvey Comics.
  8. Star Trek (Gold Key): For most of Golden Key's run on Star Trek- the dialogue was nothing like the show. The science was shoddy even by Star Trek standards. The planets of the month all seemed the same only with a slightly different absurd gimmick and really crappy dialogue. The people on Robot Planet and Voodoo Planet (actual names here) weren't really all that different save for one relied on robots and the other on Voodoo. McCoy and Spock looked identical save for the ears. Their witty banter is gone. The transporter room looks like a giant aquarium. Did I mention Uhura and/or Sulu are white at least 25% of the time? It supposedly gets better when Len Wein took over but I can't get myself to sit through all the issues on my DVD of Star Trek comics to get that far. If it seems like Star Trek written and drawn by people who've never watched Star Trek-- it's because it is. Some of the survivors from that era have admitted as much. Worst of all- my friend showed me an issue of Gold Key's Lost in Space. Some of the ships and aliens looked like they were traced out of whichever one was written first and put into the other comic because they didn't think anyone would notice or care.
  9. Twilight Zone (Gold Key): Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone might just be the greatest television show ever produced. While they often relied on the twist ending- there was more to the series than that. There was a sense of purpose. There was allegory to important social issues. There were elements of fantasy, science fiction and even the occasional horror piece. The TV series did adaptations of Ray Bradbury for crying out loud. The comic books on the other hand-- well-- take one of those horror comics that were popular in the fifties. Then drain it of every bit of style or gore to the art. Then drain out the self aware humor one would find in comics like Tales from the Crypt or House of Mystery. Then drain out even the slightest hint of commenting on greater social ills. You get a horror book that isn't scary. It has more resemblance to one of those Russio-Finnish co-produced films of the 1950s and 1960s than it does to The Twlight Zone. Worst of all is the presence of a ghostly figure who is supposed to be Rod Serling circa 1960. He has a stronger resemblance to character actor Jerry Hardin circa 1995.
  10. Nintendo Entertainment System Comics (Valiant): After a long day at school there is nothing more fun than playing video games. Of course your parents want you to read. So obviously you read comic books about your favorite video games- what could be better? Well the first mistake is that most of these comics: Super Mario, Legend of Zelda and Gameboy aren't even about their video games. They are based on the cartoons based on their video games. It also included segments based on Punch Out which left out Mike Tyson. They had some stories based on Captain N the Gamemaster. If you're a fan of those cartoons- you're still going to be disappointed. The live action segments were the best part of every Mario cartoon. They aren't there. Captain N lacks a lot of the characters from the series because Valiant couldn't pay the necessary license fees to Komami and Capcom. Don't even get me started on Zelda. Those that remain true to their roots: Metroid, Punch Out and Gameboy still get really lackluster treatment. Zero plot, zero characterization and pretty crappy art. Luckily all these titles are hard to find- though you can occasionally find the complete Nintendo Comics hardcover at conventions. If you find one do yourself and the world a favor. Buy it, read it once for laughs. Be careful not to read it out loud. That would probably more dangerous than getting in a circle with incense and candles made of human fat and chanting Y'AI'NG'NGAH YOG-SOTHOTH H'EE-L'GEB F'AITHRODOG UAAAH.

 

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