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I don't really game much anymore, sadly. I still like the concept of tabletop gaming, but I often find myself impatient with the reality of players showing up late, an hour of banter about video games I don't play, people who wait until their turn rolls around to look up their character's combat abilities, and other minor annoyances. Add that to the fact that I found myself frequently busy with my dance life on game nights, and I had to drop out for now. Maybe someday I'll find a new group, but currently I have to settle for reminiscing.
The other day, as I was thinking back on bygone campaigns, I kept laughing and shaking my head over the ridiculous behavior displayed by some short-lived players in our group. Some people really live up to the worst stereotypes of geekdom, and then they wonder why they're asked to leave the group, or why everyone doesn't fall over in awe by their coolness, causing them to leave in a huff. So in the interest of presenting future mishaps, I wrote this column...
13 Ways to Avoid Being the Annoying New Guy or Lady
- Communicate! Before you join a new group, talk with the GM and if possible, some or all of the other players. Get an idea of what sort of campaign they're playing and what the group dynamic is like. Sometimes you may realize that it's just not the group for you and you'll save everyone a lot of hassle by deciding not to join. Otherwise, you have a good idea of what to expect and how to fit in right off the bat.
- Be a team player. Make a character that's going to work well with the group. I don't mean that you have to play a character type that you don't like just to be useful, but of the archetypes and character classes that you like, choose the one that will fit best with the group's needs and personality types. Also, don't play the "lone wolf" who has to be cajoled into working with the group and who is always looking out for number one. This is a valid archetype that can work well sometimes, but if your first character has that sort of attitude, the group is going to assume that you're always that way and that you're a big, attention-grabbing jerk. Work with the GM to have a reason why you'd want to work with the group, and an easy way to get you into the campaign.
- Unfurl your freak flag slowly. Some people seem to like to use gaming as an excuse to explore the darker side of their psyche or to indulge in their most bizarre fantasies. There are groups where that's OK and groups where it is most definitely not. And even if you're not into some really weird stuff, you'll still need to get a feel for group dynamics before you do things like make off-colored jokes, play an evil character, or sometimes even just use cusswords.
- Don't use gaming as a platform to promote your beliefs. I think we've all known at least one player who was so religious that all of their characters had to have their same religious convictions even in worlds where it didn't make sense. Or players whose characters all had their same political leanings, opinions about women, or staunch dedication to the vegan lifestyle. This can get really preachy and annoying really fast.
- Don't constantly compare your new GM or group to your old GMs and groups. Sometimes this will come up inevitably, ie, the GM may call you on a rule and you'll have to say "Sorry, that's how my last GM did things, but looking at the book I realize now that must have been his house rule." Or you might find yourself in a friendly conversation about past games with everyone swapping stories about old groups, GMs and campaigns. That's OK. Just don't say "Well, my old group always divvied the loot this way" and definitely never say "When I was a GM, everyone got double XP on their birthday."
- Don't tell someone else how to play their character. I will never forget the time a new player (new to our group, but with years of previous gaming experience) tried to tell me I wasn't being true to my alignment. I had successfully been playing this tricky alignment for two or three years at the time, in a game where the GM carefully monitored player behavior and informed them if their alignment had shifted, even if it caused loss of abilities. And this guy wanted to tell me I was doing it wrong!
- As a subset of the above, definitely never make the same character type as another player to "show them how it's done." You should probably not do this even if you've been in the group for years (even though I must confess, I did it once), but it's especially poor form to do it as a new member of the group. There are times in a large group when there will be character class overlap, so if you end up duplicating someone's character, be nice about it. Don't brag about how you went up a superior skill tree or chose better abilities.
- Be helpful. Share your player's handbook with someone who doesn't have one. Help the less-experienced gamers level up. Tidy the game room before you leave. Bring snacks or soda. Carpool with other players.You have to be careful not to come across as a know-it-all or brown-noser, but there's a lot of ways to be nice and polite and make a good impression on the group.
- Do not immediately start trying to recruit players for your own campaign. I kid you not, we had a message board for one of my old gaming groups and this one guy got added to the board when he was invited to join the group, and before he had even played one session with us he started telling us about the campaign he hoped to run, which he described in a really self-aggrandizing way. Don't do this. Just don't.
- Don't come on too strong. Chances are, you will make friends in the gaming group. But you have to let these things happen naturally. Don't constantly invite yourself to peoples' events or otherwise try to force the friendship. Let the group get to know you and decide what parts of their larger social circle they think you'd get along best with. You can help this along by inviting people to your own social events too, but you should still probably wait until you've been a part of the group for a couple of months.
- Don't. Be. A. Creeper. I wish this went without saying, but geez, don't be creepy. Don't show up at the host's house hours before the game. Don't show up uninvited at other players' homes. Don't call and text at all hours of the night. Don't give unsolicited backrubs or other vaguely intimate touching. Don't take conversations into weird, unpleasant directions that no one else is interested. Don't linger long after the game is over and the hosts just want to go to bed. Don't follow people out to their car and then stand there still talking through the window when they get inside. Learn to take a hint.
- Don't ask if you can play a character who doesn't fit in the setting. No, you cannot play a Jedi in D&D, Superman in Vampire, or Pikachu in Legend of the Five Rings. And no, you can't play that special prestige class from three editions ago, the one that was so broken that they never included it in another sourcebook. And no, you can't secretly be a god. And no, you definitely cannot play the race and class that you came up with on your own, but you swear it's perfectly balanced. If you can't find something within the games ruleset that you want to play, then you just have to accept that it's not the campaign for you.
- Don't remake your iconic character from a past campaign, who you've been playing for ten years now in half a dozen different settings, really guys, he's so awesome, let me tell you about this time he single-handedly slew an elder dragon, well no, it didn't really happen in a campaign, it was in the 200 page background story that I wrote for him, would you like to read it? I carry the hard copy in my backpack everywhere I go.
To make a really long column short, just don't be a jerk. Be cool. Keep a low profile at the start of the game, until you and the group have warmed up to each other. If all goes well, you'll be playing with this group for years and some of them may end up being your friends for life (who knows, you might even marry one of them or go into business with them), so make a good impression. Happy gaming!
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