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How long has it been since I've complained about Brian Bendis? It must've been at least two months, right? That makes it a good time to dive back into the gift that keeps on giving!
Insert the usual bits here about the how I'm of two minds on Bendis, how he CAN sometimes be good, but then there's his evil twin who writes some really terrible books, in my opinion, and he's not great at writing fight scenes, and can drag things out for a lot longer than they need to be.
Which brings us to "The Trial of Jean Grey"! This was a crossover between All-New X-Men and Guardians of the Galaxy, both written by Bendis. So, you would THINK that they'd be of the same quality, more or less, across the titles, right?
Hahahahaha. Nope!
The crossover actually starts out well enough. The idea was a good one. The Shi'ar notice that Jean Grey is back on Earth, and hey, we're still majorly butthurt because the Dark Phoenix ate a sun or two and killed a few billion sentients in the process! Granted, that idea gets to be a bit dodgy when this is the YOUNG Jean Grey, before she's even heard of the Phoenix, and they treat her like she's already committed the crimes.
Quite frankly, with the way she was treated in this story by the Shi'ar, I wouldn't be surprised if, when she heads back to the past, it leaves a lasting subconcious impression on her of being royally pissed off at the featherheads for trying to kill her, and that's WHY she ate some Shi'ar stars.
But anyways, the X-Men do have that long, if sometimes incongruous, history of space adventures, so that's fine to revisit that. And having some people freak out over a Jean Grey returning, that have been tormented by the Phoenix Force, also fine. Even if everyone always forgets Rachel, and being a nice Phoenix, and they never wanted to kill HER, but whatever. There's a decent basis for a story here.
So, the Shi'ar come along, beat up the mini X-Men, and kidnap Jean Grey for the trial in the title of the story. That's a decent first part to a story right there.
The second part takes place in Guardians, and instantly things go off the rails. Whenever Bendis does a crossover between his books, I always make a joke about how he'll probably end the first part with team B showing up to say hey to team A. Then the second part, in team B's book will waste my time by retelling the exact same story for THAT team, and have THEIR issue end at the EXACT SAME POINT.
I really need to STOP making this joke, at least as a joke, because Brian keeps doing it. And he did that here. So, part two of the crossover was mostly just spinning its wheels for an entire issue to get to the exact same point part one landed on. Lovely way to kick things off and leave a bad taste in my mouth.
But still, that's fine, I'll allow it, it's a Bendis trait. We can now move on to the rest of the story, and the trial, and get the ball rolling, right?
Want to know what getting the ball rolling is? Three straight issues of the combined teams sitting around and flying towards the Shi'ar homeworld with occasional skirmishes to spice things up, because these are supposed to be adventure filled comics, right? But in practice, what you get, is three issues of mostly sitting around and talking with occasionally witty banter.
Meanwhile, Jean Grey sits around awaiting her trial, and is honestly the more interesting side of the story. At least trials are SUPPOSED to be talky, and you feel for this girl finding out her destiny is to do such terrible things. Well, except it's NOT, because Jean Grey is not the Phoenix, and punishing a girl that would one day be cloned by a cosmic force of rebirth and renewal is a bit silly, but again, we're brushing that aside for the sake of argument. In honesty, the whole Jean/Phoenix relationship is blurry at the best of times. And this is coming from a FAN of the Phoenix.
Even there, though, the plot spins around for awhile, until the trial starts...and just as abruptly stops when Star Lord's dad shows up and says stop the trial.
But the story doesn't end there! Jean escapes, the Shi'ar's Imperial Guard gives chase, and runs smack dab into the other two teams showing up 15 minutes late to the trial.
Now, do not get me wrong here. I don't require fisticuffs in my comics, but they are nice to have, and when you promise a fight, I expect some action. Especially after a whole bunch of sitting around and gabbing.
So I am all psyched for the big conclusion, maybe things can wrap up as well as they started, and we just spent a few issues in the middle going nowhere fast. That's not great storytelling, but it's sometimes understandable with comics. And the issues weren't BAD, they were just light on anything actually happening, okay?
But just like the trial, the fight stops when mini Cyclops stands up and tells the Imperial Guard to stop, go home, and if they don't, they're gonna fight some more.
Yes, we spent six issues building up to a fight that ends just because someone says, basically, "Can't we all just get along? Or else?"
I give you the classic definition of anticlimactic.
The Trial of Jean Grey does not end with a band, it ends with a fizzle, and the X-Men taking their fiery little redheaded ball and going home.
That was a massive waste of three months.
The only major plot point of the storyline is that Jean Grey develops sudden, new, never before seen powers that have nothing to do with the Phoenix Force, and no other Jean Grey has shown.
Which...isn't exactly true. Or at least, isn't exactly shown very well. All it looks like she's doing is tossing around telepathy and telekinetic abilities. Which *every* version of Jean Grey has had, to some degree. So, something more needs to be done to sell us on this being something new, big, and scary, that is a new, big, scary, development!
The only difference here is...Jean turns pink. Yep, that's it. Her big new power upgrade is...a colour change. She turns pink.
And Jean Grey turning pink makes the Shi'ar turn yellow. I guess their ancestors must have been chickens, if that's the case.
To go through all that and have the only major outcome of any note being, "Jean Grey has a new power that turns her pink!" is pretty terrible, such a waste, and needed a better, or at least clearer payoff for all those issues of sitting around.
This storyline was truly a trial to sit through.
Jason M. Bourgeois
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