The All- New, Non-Violent Adventures of Superbo Part 2: The Writers Tale
by Sidra Roberts, age 16
Lobo #61: The All- New, Non-Violent Adventures of Superbo Part 2: The Writers Tale
DC Comics April 1999
Script: Grant
Pencils: Lueniak
Inks: Propst
Color: Vasques
Separations: Prismacolor
Letters: Oakley
Editor: Redard
For those of you who dont know the Lobo series will be ending due to lack of sales.
Lobo maybe going out, but hes going out with a bang. Grant has written one of the
funniest stories Ive read in a long time. It's pure satire. It takes potshots at Wizard,
editors, and pandering to the masses. If you want to roll on the floor laughing, pick up
a copy of Lobo #61.
In the last issue of Lobo, the editor told Lobo he was going to get a new image so that the
sales of his book would increase. The DC heads promptly make Lobo look a lot like Superman, except
hes pale and has a mustache. Aside from the new look theyve decided Lobo will no longer
be unnecessarily violent and any unnecessary sex will be left out in effort to appease
the fans.
What?!?! Lobo with no violence or sex, how are you going to pull that one off? Alan
Grant himself doesnt have a clue, so the DC heads are going to help him out. They attach
electrodes to him and shock him everytime he writes something with sex or violence in it.
So what type of deeds is the new Lobo, Superbo, going to do? Bounty hunting is an obvious
no-no. The DC heads have supposedly received blackmail photos of all the DC greats
(Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, etc.) in compromising positions; all of these photos are fake,
of course.
So, whats the problem you might ask? Well, appearently the comic reading audience has
become overwhelmingly puritanical and would just die if the saw images of their heroes doing
naughty things. So Superbo is going to go "frag" -- *zzzz*-- I mean "fix" those dastardly photo
creators with the help of Dan Raspler, editor.
In this comic Superbo encounters the Savage Six and promptly begins to bash Broozer. *Zap*
bad Grant-- no violence. Next the Sincopator make Lobo *shudder* dance. Superbo punches him
once. Next member of the Savage Six, Chiquita, purple babe wearing heart bikini with thigh-high
boots. VAVAVOOM!!!!!! But once again -- bad Grant -- no sex.
Change of Scene - the Wizard building. The fanboys in the office are arguing over whether
or not Batman could kick Darkseids butt. In the middle of this drivel one of the lower fanboys enters
with an issue of Lobo #60 proclaiming that the editors have changed it to suit them. All hail
Wizard (God save us all!!)!!! Back at the DC offices Grant realizes hes made a mistake in
counting the pages and writes a "brilliant" page to fill the space.
Meanwhile back in Lobo-land Dan and Superbo are chained to a wall in the Savage Sixs lair.
Lobo breaks free and starts to frag the bastiches. *FZZZZTTT* "Grant do you need the voltage
increased?"
You get the idea. By the end of the book Grant is fired and goes insane from not being
able to release his violence through Lobo. "Berserk writer on a kill-spree! Run for your
lives!"
When we writers do things, we do them all the way. :D