The Quest for Mini-Me

By: Mathew Bredfeldt

Here it is, as promised, my quest for the Mini-Me action figure. Was I successful? Read on and find out.

First a little back story: A few months ago I was at the local comic book store, and at the check out, they had a figure of the character Mini-Me. I saw it and looked on the back for a price, twenty bucks. Knowing that this particular store has a bad habit of selling exclusive figures that can be found at other stores, as well as the hotter figures from other stores, I took a pass on it. A few days later, I hear on the radio that the actor that plays Mini-Me is from Dallas, and there is a loud `THUMP' as my head hits the table. I look on and off for the next couple months, but no luck. So this is the story of my concerted effort to look for an action figure.

Thursday, August 5, 1999 (11:30 am) [Wal-Mart]

I leave work and head for the Wal-Mart that is just a few minutes away. I have an appointment to get the oil changed in my car at noon at the local K-Mart auto center, also not too far away, so I'll have to be quick. I navigate the center aisle of the store dodging and weaving around people with their carts and the large stacks of merchandise they have stacked there. It's so narrow you can barely fit two people on either side. Vary dangerous, but I make it in one piece. Wal-Mart has been good to me in the past, on a quest to find Star Wars figures a couple of years ago I found a bunch I needed, and I'm holding out hope that they might have Mini-Me.

I get to the toy aisle and find the action figures. The first thing I see is just tons and tons of wrestling figures. I look around for about ten minutes, and find nothing. Not even pegs labeled for the Austin Powers line of toys. I look at the wrestling action figures, they are mostly the WCW variety, but there are WWF figures as well. They have lots of the wrestling rings, I might get one in the future, but right now I'm on a quest and a budget. I'm tempted to pick up the D'Lo Brown figure, but pass because I still have to make two more stops. On my way out I try to take a short cut out through the garden center, but as I look around, there is no way out to the main parking lot. I risk life and limb getting to the front exit, by running the same gauntlet I did when I came in. Now I remember why I do not like coming here. I get back to my car and take off to K-Mart.

(11:58 am) [K-Mart]

I park outside the auto center, and give the keys to the guy on the inside. He says it'll take half an hour to do it, so I've got to find some way to kill that time. The toy section is outside the auto center, so I spend some time there. I thought Wal-Mart had a lot of wrestling figures, but this place looks like they have been stockpiling them. WWF dominates here with a bigger variety than the other place. I find a special set that has the Mankind figure along with some accessories that you could use against your friends' figures. They have a two pack of wrestling figures consisting of D'Lo Brown and Mark "Big Sexual Chocolate" Henry, again I'm tempted, but I have to pass. They look like they have been there a while, so I think I can pass for another month. Going further down the aisle, I keep an eagle eye on the shelves for any sign of Austin Powers figures, but no luck. They do have lots of Star Wars Episode 1 figures (but then what store does not.) There I find what I have been looking for since the movie toys came out, the Battle Droid Rifle Super Soaker, and an electronic version of the same thing. At this point I am cursing being on a crusade to get one little thing that I may never find in the first place. I'm hungry and need caffeine.

After ordering a large slice of pizza and a large soda, and being checked out by someone who looks like Kelso from "That 70's Show" only slightly smarter, I sit down and have lunch. It has been a while since I had Little Caesars Pizza, and I thought they had gone out of business in the Dallas area. It was rather tasty, but the bell peppers stuck with me. By that time, I finish lunch, I go back and get my car. The damage, twenty-one dollars, not bad. I study the receipt they give me and find they charge me more for labor, $11.85, then they do for the oil. I wish I could get $22.00 an hour for just changing oil all day.

(12:50 pm) [Home]

I stop by home because I called from work before I left, asking if anybody wanted to go by Toys R Us. My sister wanted to go and so did my older brother. After a heated debate about which car to take, my sister wanted to take a car with air conditioning and mine is the only one that has it, but if I run it, it eats up gas faster than normal. My mom on the other hand, my mom wants us to take her mini-van. It has no working A/C, but is much more comfortable than my car. I make the decision that we just take the van because I think my sister would be more comfortable. After getting the key, I ask my youngest brother if I should look for anything for him. He says that he wants me to look for "Pokemon Snap" for him. I take a mental note and we go.

(1:15 pm) [Toys R Us]

We get to T-R-U as we call it, and after having to dodge traffic just getting inside the parking lot (moms in SUV's love TRU for some reason, and they think they own the parking lot.) We get inside and they have set up on some of the shelves packs of the Pokemon CCG, both premiere and the new expansion Jungle. A family had swarmed it so we decide to pass. As we walk by, I hear one of the children with them explaining how some of the packs are rarer than others. "Good luck." I think, because finding first edition Jungle is like finding first edition Premiere Pokemon, and will cost you your soul or many hundreds of dollars, whichever you want to part with more.

My brother and sister stop at the Nintendo 64 they have set up with the new Star Wars Pod Racer, but I lag behind and look for youngest brother's Pokemon Snap. The little pocket on the wall that holds the ticket is empty and says that there are "more on the way." I chuckle to myself and go find brother and sister, and tell them I'm going to look at the action figures. I get there after having to duck down a couple of aisles to avoid insane mothers with carts looking for anything Pokemon related. I get to the action figure aisle in one piece and start looking.

Lots of Marvel, and wrestling and Batman figures, and then I spot it. Six pegs of Austin Powers figures. I rifle though them and find lots of Austin Powers and Dr. Evil figures, and even one of the dreaded Austin Powers in Underwear. When I touched APiU I felt so dirty, but I stuck it out and found no Mini-Me. Knowing pretty much that the hunt was over, I resigned myself to looking at the wrestling and Star Wars figures. I looked around for a Mankind or D'Lo Brown, but they were a bit more there than at K-Mart. They had nothing new for Star Wars that I did not already have, but they did have the role playing accessories back in stock. They only had the Qui-Gon Lightsaber toy and a shelf tag for the Darth Maul ones. I really wanted both, but I settled for the Qui-Gon one. The Darth Maul lightsaber is the only thing about Darth Maul that I liked. It would have been cooler in the movie if his saber separated into two different ones that he could use. I grabbed a lightsaber and my brother and sister found me. We checked out and went back home.

So I got no Mini-Me, but instead I supported the Star Wars merchandising juggernaut. I guess it's a good thing I supported Star Wars, because if I got Mini-Me. I would not have half as much fun with it than I have with the lightsaber.

[As always this article is to be posted only on Collectortimes.com and nowhere else. If I find it on some other site without my permission there will be heck to pay. It involves lightsabers and a 486 stripped of all its useful parts.]