well, i was semi-inspired. since there's no way in hell that i'd have anything remotely resembling time to file a full article on, well, anything this month. at the last minute, while talking to your favorite overbearing editor and mine, we got onto the subject of new year's resolutions. i suggested we poll our hairy-palmed staff on their new year's resolutions, as a way to take up space...er...offer our readers a little more insight into what makes us at the collector times tick. apparently, it isn't much. =) sorry people, aside from whatever i write, don't expect any overblown declarations that anyone's "as mad as hell, and they're not going to take it anymore", nor any solemn oaths by any of our staffers that they WILL do something worthy of a letter to penthouse (or black tail, for that matter...), and certainly no vows to, before this year 2000 is over, do lines of cocaine off of the nude bodies of either olsen twin. yes, we're pretty run of the mill people. i was honestly appalled by the lack of social deviancy in this batch of resolutions, given that i know some of our staffers "pull a little to the left". for god's sake, man, one of them thinks he's rachel summers!
what i suggest now, before we get started, is that we take a look back next year at what we've resolved to do in this space, and see if any of us have gone anywhere with it, as, frankly, most new year's resolutions last about as long as most new year's hangovers. at any rate, "let the cartoon begin...:"
jamie coville writes:
I promise to:
Get my mon-superhero history information done update my webpage with it and try and do more than that. Cut down on the amount of monthly titles I buy in order to buy more graphic novels and TPB's. I also promise to save up and slowly over the year upgrade my computer into something that can at least allow my scanner to work with it.
AJ writes:
The threat of having resolutions made up for me has prompted me to actually participate. Therefore, I resolve...
"To worship at the altar of scott crawford almighty, devoting the very essence of my being to serving his will"
"...Not to dress up like Elvis and dance the funky chicken in the middle of Tucson Mall"
"...To worship the Great Oarfish to the best of my abilities"
"...And I resolve to go to Vegas, along with my boyfriend Chris, along with the whole Roberts crew, and get married at the Drive-Thru Wedding Chapel. Just to suck up, Sheryl can be my Maid of Honor."
I think that's about it..
our man behind the pencils, joe singleton, writes:
Hmmm, lemmee see............
I resolve to:
-eat what I like, when I like.
-further attempt to bury myself in books of all kinds.
-get ahead and stay ahead on my deadlines for the Collector Times and others.
-and to get published sometime in the new year.
patrick dunning said:
(Not a rip off, this is respect)
Well if I could do one thing this New Years, it'd be to get all the children of the world, to sing together, in peace and love, and have a really hot date. er
If I could have two things this New Years, it'd be to have all the children, singing in peace and love, have a hot date, and line up all the Y2K fanatics and people who think it's the millennium and beat them with a tire iron.
er...
If I could have 3 things this New Years, the kids singing, a REALLY hot date, the head beating with the tire iron for the idiots, and Rob Liefeld's hands cut off. er
If I could have 4 things this New Years, the crap about the kids, the hot woman, the head beatings, Rod Liefeld dismembered, complete power over the entire universe, which I'd of course have to wrestle from Scott, well let me change the order the total control over everything, that'd take care of the women so scratch that one, to personally beat the idiots of the world, cut off Rob Liefeld's hands, and of course to have all the children of the world to come together and sing, in peace and love.
Thank you.
our webmaster extraordinaire, paul roberts, who puts up with my last minute primadonna act every month, and really should've resolved not to, writes:
1. Find a new job making at least 15K more than what I make now.
2. Try to develop a little more character, instead of just being one.
3. Enjoy life more.
our resident closet transsexual, jason bourgeois, had this to say:
This is year is a variation on my same one I make every year.
I resolve to survive to 2001. Anything else is incidental after that.
Foe/Jason/Kinetix/Rachel...Scratch that last one.
sure, we'll scratch that last one for ya, foe. *snicker*
sidra "i'm really going to marry some dude who looks like spider jerusalem instead of doing the right thing, and being at scott crawford's side while he rules the universe" roberts, penned in with these sour grapes:
I hereby resolve to razz Scott unmercifully about the Bimbo in Wisconsin. (she says hi, sid. >:D)
I resolve to get Scott to make a date for THE WEDDING.
I resolve to harass Scott into sending us a music tape of his band's performance.
that sniveling pretender to my throne, erich "i don't look THAT much like spider jerusalem" arendall chimed in with:
New Years resolution, huh? I resolve to play more RPGs, because dice are good and need their exercise. With that said, I'm going back to rolling up some new characters. :)
of course, our editor-in-chief, sheryl "Scott, in case you can interupt your busy schedule today..." roberts had some resolutions:
I resolve to wear Sidra's tiara around the house this year.
I resolve to use my bullwhip more and ass-pat less (HEAR ME STAFF?).
I resolve to not to buy any more $600 Legion posters, even if Alex Ross does a set.
I resolve to go to San Diego for Comic Con International this year, even if I have to work my rear off to do it.
Damn, I was serious: )
and finally, saving the best for last, my new year's resolutions:
i need a hanging plant, so i resolve to get one, and take care of it, and name it something totally stupid like "cocaine" joe thompson, or "thunderbolt" watkins, or some other name that sounds like like either a delta bluesman or a pimp, which were occasionally one and the same.. no, i'm serious. i've wanted one of the goddamn things for many, many years now, and i haven't gotten around to it. don't send them, though, readers, i'll find my plant.
i also resolve to do far more drugs, have a lot more promiscuous sex, and set fire to more homeless people. everyone always resolves to do all these nice, decent things. don't they realize there's quotas to fill here?!?!?! jeez, you'd think they'd never heard a jesse jackson speech or something.
and finally, i resolve to spend more time doing relaxing, leisurely things, and letting everyone else do all my work for me, because, while i know i'm perfectly capable of running the entire universe in a fair, just, orderly, professional manner, the player haters of the world just ain't payin' me to do it yet. so they can go shove live snakes up their asses until they're ready to bow to my superior wisdom.
-s
Scott Crawford can STILL be reached at sdcrawford@earthlink.net, or, if you're feeling especially daring and your mommy and daddy say it's ok, go to and visit his home on the web.
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