for those keeping score, my much-vaunted cross-country pipe dr...er...vacation has been severely abbreviated. so far, i most certainly will be in the houston area, or possibly the austin area, from april 22-may 3. beyond that is anyone's guess. send me some goddamned money, and i'll come to your town, and help you party down. back to houston, though. anyone wishing to book me for public appearances such as comic book in-stores, television/radio/webcasts, guest MC gigs at local houston titty bars, or boat shows may contact me for a rate schedule and availability information.
i'm not going to do some hi-falootin', glossy review of it, but you all need to buy the new pantera record, "reinventing the steel". pantera are good people. they love us almost as much as slayer do.
i say they put elian gonzalez on ebay. let them settle this whole deal like we civilized folk do in the land of opportunity. it'd lend itself to a great ad campaign ("in april, the "e" in ebay stands for "elian"!), and, if nothing else, reading the feedback comments that his family in the states and castro would leave for one another would be priceless. "sent for boy 2 months ago...have not yet received! do not deal with these people!" from ol' fidel, followed by "seller imprisoned our friends and relatives for years, deals in illegal cigars, and he SUCKED at baseball!" from the gonzalez camp in miami. hours of fun for the kids. i got an at-at.
mr. foley threw us a curveball this month by un-retiring for "one more match", partially due to ill-advised booking, which really, within the context of storylines, should not have been made. he will be living out his dream by working wrestlemania's main event this coming sunday. best of luck to him, and again, mick, if there's any chance in hell you're reading this, be careful, and take it easy after this one, willya?
speaking of mick foley, "have a nice day", his autobiography, was a solid read. finally got around to it a few weeks ago. 503 pages, and it still left me wanting more at the end. another terrific autobiography i read this month, and STRONGLY recommend, is "crazy from the heat", by diamond dave himself, david lee roth. reading them back-to-back's what i'd suggest, as they're both stories about the lives of really cool crazy guys.
for those of you who are a fan of my "mall notes" column, on my site, be warned: it is coming to an end, shortly. i've only got one more week left as of this writing, and then i'm done here for the forseeable future. there may be a rather large "wrap-up" edition this week. then again, i'm lazy, so there might not be.
other last-minute stuff: for you fantasy baseball freaks out there, yahoo finally opened up their competition for the year, and, guess what, kids? i've got a league! if any of you want to join up (there's still time!), all you need is a yahoo acct. (they're free.), and a willingness to actually PLAY the game, or i hunt you down and KEEL you. the league # is 13905, and the password for the league (god, i'm trusting) is: donkeypunch. sign up for "Sanchez League Baseball" today! that didn't sound too much like a "desperate cry for help", did it?
finally, an open letter to anyone from DC direct who may be reading this: will you knock it the hell off with the action figures, already? goddamn it, i've got enough expenses between drugs, contraception, and legal fees without having to second mortgage my prostate to pay for 2 of every perfectly sculpted, lovingly detailed action figure of a ridiculously obscure character you bloodsucking pigs release, too! jeeeee-zus! next thing, you're gonna release the entire legion of super heroes in the same week, and our publisher's poor wittle waifs will have to eat out of garbage cans! *See Editor's Note* what's next after that?!?! a metamorpho figure, with a seperately packaged variant for every shape he assumed in 30 years of comic appearances?!?!? the hell with it, why don't you just release an "everybody who died in 'crisis on infinite earths'" boxed set?!?!?! with variants!!!!! would that make you all happy, to see daddy cry?!?!?!?!?!?!
oogiewawa!
-s
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