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In last months "A Few Words from Your Lord and Master" Scott Crawford tried to answer the eternal question of Mr. Do versus Dig Dug. I, being a Dig Dug fan since a young age want to set the record straight.
First, Dig Dug would probably make it a pretty tight match, although he is limited by his choice of weapon, an air pump, he could take Mr. Do down. Sure Mr. Do has snowballs, but guess what, snow melts while an air pump does not. All Dig Dug has to do is catch Mr. Do in a corner, take the hose and feed it into Mr. Do's mouth and pump air into him until he explodes into a mess of clown parts and big floppy shoes.
EDGE: Dig Dug
Second, Dig Dug is a gardener. Sure it sounds like he is a prissy sissy boy, buts lets face it, if you can woo a woman with fresh flowers from your garden, you can take her out on a date to a better restaurant than her normally could if he had to pay for the flowers. Plus he could probably make tons of cash just selling his flowers to florists in his area. Mr. Do on the other hand is a clown. Clowns are generally on the road a long time and he probably has a honey at every stop. Also as a rule, clowns are wimps (except Shakes the Clown) who dress in more make-up than Mimi from "The Drew Carey Show." I think that unless you are a woman, actor/actress or news broadcaster and you wear make-up something is wrong.
EDGE: Dig Dug
Third, enemy's they have to go up against. Dig Dug has the likes of the small, green, fire-breathing dragon, Frygar to contend with as well as the somewhat less imposing, but watch out for them in bunches, Pooka. Mr. Do on the other hand, had characters that looked like the little dragons from the video game "Bubble Bobble." Let's face it, if he kept pelting Frygar with his snowballs, Frygar would keep melting them with his fire and the Pooka's would gang up and trap Mr. Do.
EDGE: Dig Dug
SCORE: Dig Dug: 3, Mr. Do: 0. The Clown goes down in short order to the gardener.
I just have to vent my Spleen on some other things while I have your attention. In this age of Internet, E-mail and BBS' I find that some people have began shortening words to one letter or number. For those of you who do not know what I am talking about, here is an example:
"Hey u guys, how do u get 2 my house from your house." (NOTE: MS Word just totally ignored the floating "U's" in the sentence.)
Okay, lets get one thing straight. Sure it may be convenient for you to hit one key to make up for typing three or more extra letters to make one word, but for the people who have to read what you type, it gets distracting and after a while it becomes down right annoying. To get over this and retrain your mind to actually spell words out when you type; I want to recommend one of two things. First, take the extra time to type the extra letters, to spell out the word. Even if you use the hunt and peck system, this should be no problem to do. Second, take a typing class in high school or college. It well help you learn the keyboard so that you do not have to use this crutch way of typing.
The other thing that I want to vent about is the Academy Awards that were on this past Sunday night. (March 26, 2000) This was the biggest travesty to be shown on the air since the Academy Awards of last year. No, it is not because the fact that American Beauty won for best picture when it should have been The Insider. It is because the movie The Matrix won in all the categories that it was nominated in. For me this movie should have won an Oscar for technical achievements instead of visual effects because of the Bullet Time idea that they made up. Other than that they should not have won for best sound effects, best sound effects editing and best editing. Frankly the best visual effects, best sound effects and sound effects editing should have gone to Star Wars Episode I The Phantom Menace. Sure they did not make up some fancy new filming system for their special effects, instead they took what they had and improved on it. I think the technology made leaps and bounds with the addition of digital characters like Jar Jar, Battle Droids and Destroyer Droids. When I saw them on the big screen they made the movie's cool factor jump 100% because they looked so good and real. In The Matrix on the other hand, they used the special effects for one digital character and to do that stuff with bullet time (what a yawner). Also the sound effects losses were big in my book too. Star Wars had a lot better sounds effects simply because they added to the realism of the movie. The hum of a lightsaber, the sounds of a blaster firing, the theater shaking shots from the tanks on Naboo even the beeping of droids were used together with the visual effects to make the story more believable. I think that Star Wars lost simply because of a hype backlash. I mean Star Wars was hyped as a big special effects movie, but then The Matrix came along and had some new special effect gimmick and knocked Star Wars down. I also think that it was hype that got the Matrix its awards.
The other loss at the awards was the fact that "Blame Canada" from the movie `South Park, Bigger, Longer and Uncut' lost to the whip of a song from the Disney movie `Tarzan.' "Blame Canada" was funnier and more entertaining on the big screen and live at the Oscars than anywhere else. I think that the academy voters have a thing for anything Disney related and did not want to even give South Park a chance. Maybe it was because of a backlash of negative publicity in the press and on the Internet because of one or two offensive words, but then I don't know.
Thanks for reading my latest ramblings on matters of recent importance. As always disagreements, flames, moons, excreta should be directed at the address at the top of the article. I now return you to your regular reading.
[As always the views expressed in this article to not reflect those of other authors on Collector Times and should be taken with a grain of salt. If anyone out there is a professional clown then I'm sorry, but my views do not cover you, just the video game character Mr. Do. Any reposting of this article without my permission will involve a sigmoidoscope and a painful procedure. Oscar is a registered trademark of the AMPAS.]
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