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Playstation 2
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Plot. This game has 2 parts. In the first part you are Snake (go watch Escape from New York and Escape from LA) and you work for a private organization that likes to expose Metal Gears (Im not quite sure why apparently it helps rid the world of them if others know about it). So anyway, you sneak aboard a merchant ship that is actually crewed by marines who are going to go test their all new uber-powerful Gundam -er Metal Gear I mean. (BTW: If you like drinking games, you should go play the Gundam Wing Drinking Game. Every time someone says, Its a Gundam! you take a drink. Note that the author and the Surgeon General advise against imbibing alcohol, and the author will not be held accountable for any damages that may ensue from imbibing alcohol or having carbonated beverages squirt out ones nose.) Anyway, since Ive achieved my quota for this paragraph, Ill shorten things up a bit. You get on the ship,, with a goal of taking pictures of the Gundam -er Metal Gear so yall can post them on the internet. But right after you get on the ship, these heavily armed guards land and sneak up and kill all the marines patrolling and are apparently taking over the ship. SO now you have to sneak around all these guards, and all you have is a tranquilizer gun. And then the game spouts some BS about not being able to use the enemy guns because they are genetically encrypted for the owner or something like that. Ok, now the quick, quick version. You run around, shoot some guards, get a handgun, sneak through three rooms of armed marines and take some pictures. Oh, you also beat up some pregnant Russian militant chick. Anyway, this guy makes a comeback from the previous game, kills a lot of people, and steals the Gunda-Metal Gear. Blah Blah Blah. The second part of the game takes place 2 years later. You dont get to be the super cool Snake, you get to be loser-pansy boy whose name isnt worth remembering. Anyway, you are a counter terrorist, and you are running around on an environmental cleanup rig from the explosion of the merchant ship from 2 years ago. Only nothing is what it seems. This random girls picture is all over the place, and the porno mags are in short supply. Oh, and you are loser-pansy boy. All in all, its a crummy day. As loser pansy boy you run around trying to save the President, who is a hostage, and find out nothing is what it seems, yadda yadda yadda. Im not even going to touch the weird ending. Graphics. PS2 graphics: Yay! Lots of cool visual effect: Yay! The ability to zoom in and look at peoples nose hairs or bonk them with the camera: Yay! Nuff said about that: Yay! Sound. Lots of talking and sound effects. Sometimes too much talking like Boy-Blunders whiney girlfriend who asks you if you remembered its your anniversary while you are in the middle of a battle fighting for your and the presidents life. Id dump her in a heartbeat if I had the ability. Turns out later shes a spy from the government, keeping tabs on you, and at the end of the game, Baka-Boy takes her back. What a pathetic loser. Gameplay. It takes 4 assault rifle rounds to kill someone, or one tranq dart, which kinda blows. Game is third person, except when you shoot which can be either. You can also do cool kicks and flips, choke people, and break their necks. You can also lay out issues from your growing porno mag collection to distract guards, and then shoot them. Sometimes its necessary to hide the bodies. And also crawling through rooms full of marines watching a presentation is different. No, Im not actually going to talk about gameplay stuff. Difficulty. I beat the game in 13 hours, 30 min on easy. There is also a medium and a hard, and maybe a very easy or hard, I dont remember. You get points based on how many alarms you trigger (being spotted), how many people you kill (the fewer the better I think, and your time, and also a few other things. Easy difficulty, except for a few 30 min periods where I continuously died isnt that hard. Replay Value. Not much reason to replay. You can unlock a few things, the easiest is a camera to take pictures with after you beat the game the first time. If you collect everyones dog tags, you can get an infinite ammo belt. You can also get some wigs so pretty-boy doesnt seem so annoying. Spiffyness: Gundams- er Metal Gears! Porno! Bird Doo-doo! (slippery . . . esp on a certain pipe) The ability to target seagulls with Surface to Air Missiles! And Hit! A tripped out ending! (No narcotics required!) An ending that is trying to say something, but rather doesnt do it very well. (Still not sure where the Sons of Liberty come in.) Overall. Lots of little cool details, like wet foot prints, and you can get a cold, you can hide in boxes and lockers, but mostly lots of neat little details. Supposedly the Head programmer quarantined everyone during the last months (6?) of development to put in lots of cool stuff. Unfortunately the game goes by really quick, as it only has 2 missions, and to me wouldnt be worth buying to replay. (There is supposedly a VR missions disk that is just missions from this game engine, Bugger- Boy whines about having trained through hordes of them). Overall though, this game is very definitely worth playing at least once. Final Ratings:
Graphics: 8.5 Sound: 8.5 Gameplay: 8.0 Difficulty: 4.5 Replay: 2.5 Spiffiness: 10.0 Overall: 7.314
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