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Hello Boys and Gents! Jon here with some exciting new stuff. Last
Friday (July 19th,) I met up with the Lloyd Kaufman and Doug
Sakman in Montreal for the North American premiere of "All The
Love You Cannes!", Troma's new documentary on how to survive at
Cannes with very little money. The film itself was quite funny with
Doug Sakman taking the award for the funniest person on screen in
the film, from starting fights with angry Frenchmen, to drenching
his uptight co-worker's bag with urine, definitely one of the longest
pees I've ever seen!
On Thursday afternoon I got an email from Doug Sakman
replying to my email where I told them I'd be willing to help out in
Montreal. His email said that the help would be needed and if I still
wanted to help, he left me his cell number. On Friday afternoon I
called him and he offered me the role of Noxie, or the Noxious
Offender, Toxie's Arch enemy/Evil Twin. I, being the fanboy I am,
nodded happily but then realized he couldn't hear my neck strokes
so I said yes. He told me they needed a mop as well. I packed
that into my hands and took some necessary tools into my
backpack, showered and rushed out of the house. On the way to
the "meeting spot," I called up my compadre to see if he'd tag
along, and so it happened, we met and we headed off to the Delta
hotel,, where all the Just for laughs guests are lodged. I decided I'd
walk to the lobby before I called up Doug to give me the room
number, but as luck would have it, I bumped into them just as they
were doing an interview. While Lloyd was being interviewed:
Collector Times:
Troma has been around for over 25 years now,
approaching 30. Over the years you've seen many movies and have
turned some down. If I were a young film maker, what should I do
to give my film a better chance of being released under the Troma
name?
Lloyd Kaufman:
Well, first of all I think if you want to be a film
maker maybe you don't want your movie necessarily released
under the Troma name. Maybe you want it released under MGM,
Paramount, they can make you rich! Miramax, Disney name.. but
umm.. depending on what you end up with, Troma is there for the
independent movie maker and we believe in Shakespeares maxim
To thy own self be true. We also believe in the magazine Maxim,
which has lots of big-breasted women.
Collector Times:
Do you believe that Troma has had a strong
impact on todays Hollywood horror films? If so, could you tell us
what kind of impact it has had?
Lloyd Kaufman:
Its difficult for me to evaluate Troma's impact
on todays contemporary cinema, but according to Quentin
Tarantino and Peter Jackson and Guillermo Del Toro and Alex
Iglacias, all of whom have become mainstream, they have all been
admirers and they have all said they respect Troma and some even
said they've been influenced greatly by Troma, so to that extent I
think that Troma has been a productive influence. Also, according
to a number of the critics, movies like Me, Myself and Orene are
basically Troma movies made in the year 2000 but we were making
those movies back in 1978.
CT:
Japanese horror flicks are becoming a big hit in the cult
film circuit but everyone in North America has to either bootleg their
copies or buy a Regionless DVD player, is there any chance that
Troma will be getting some distribution rights to any of these films?
LK:
The biggest problem with North American movie
consumers is that we are forced to look at shite. We get to see
very little genuinely independent movies or independent art, for that
matter and the problem is these giant devil worshipping
international conglomerates control all the newspapers, all the TV
stations, all the movie theaters. Therefore, great Japanese movies
like Battle Royale don't get to play very often. Movies of Takashi
Miike, movies of Shinya Tsukumoto don't get to play in the movie
theaters, or if they do its usually in a festival for one night and if
you miss, you have to try and get it pirated off Ebay or something. I
think we need to do what Malcom Mclaren said, we must destroy
in order to create, and we must unwind AOL-Time Warner and
pass laws that will prevent monopolies and cartels. We used to
have laws that protected us against movie theaters being owned by
giant devil worshipping international conglomerates who also own
the movie studios. Until that happens we will be denied truly.
CT:
With Troma branching out and making more than films (the
Troma PC game, All I learned About Filmaking I Learned from the
Toxic Avenger,) are there any chances that console gamers will
see their favorite Troma mascots on any video game system in the
near future?
LK:
I don't think that Troma knows anything about video games.
Most of what Troma does outside of movies is thanks to our fans.
The only reason Troma is still alive is thanks to our fans. We would
be long dead if it wasn't for the Troma fans who not only support
us, who not only make sure they get to the movie theater when the
Troma movies plays for 10 minutes. CitizenToxie was in L.A. for a
couple of weeks and the fans got there and supported it, but also
when we travel, Troma fans put us up in their houses. There are
Troma fan sites in France, England, Spain, Japan. These are all
fans that do it for nothing, they do everything for free. The Troma
comic books, etc.. The Troma video game that's out called The
Troma Project which is actually called Toxic Mayhem: the Troma
Project, which is a very good seven stage CD-ROM game. That
was a fan who just happened to see me while I was being paid to
sign autographs at this gaming convention and this guy came in
and he was a big Troma fan and asked me why there wasnt a
Troma game.
CT:
With kids of your own who have appeared in many of your
films ever since they were born, is there a possibility that Troma
will make another program for kids (a la Toxic Crusaders.)?
LK:
Again, Toxic Crusaders came about because some fan
somehow presented us to a company that was making Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle toys and that company wanted to make an
environmental toy so they picked the Toxic Avenger. I don't think
they'd ever seen the movie, the Toxic Avenger! I think our fans told
these people. So they figured, "Ok, its an ugly guy with a mop so
we'll do a cartoon." But when you think about it from the point of
view of history, the Toxic Avenger is the only movie in the history of
film where a young boy gets his head crushed by the wheel of an
automobile or a movie of that nature to be made into a children's
Saturday morning environmentally correct cartoon show. We had
nothing to do with being able to do that, we don't know anything
about animation. We don't know anything about toys. Its just..
lightning struck, we got lucky and you know, we do not have the
power to do that, all we can do is give the license to people. Like
right now Hot Topic is selling our t-shirts.
CT:
Troma has never been cheap with extras on DVDS. What can
be expected to be on the Toxic Avenger 4 directors cut DVD once
its released?
LK:
Well, you should call it CitizenToxie because it isn't
really... With the Toxic Avenger, each movie is very different. Toxie
gets older in each movie. So it's not like Men in Black 2, which is
basically a piece of shit. CitizenToxie may be a piece of shit but it
is not the same as the first piece of shit. A different piece of shit! ...
Maybe more diarrhea like.. The DVD of CitizenToxie is gonna have
at least 3 commentary tracks, it will have a 95 minute documentary
called Apocalypse Soon, about the making of Citizen Toxie which
is just brilliant. You'll be able to push a button and see the whole
movie with the deleted scenes we had to cut out. Theres gonna be
interactive things with Citizen Toxie, you'll be able to put the make-
up on the actor. It's gonna be 2 discs so you'll have around 10
hours worth of entertainment. The documentary is gonna be
sensational! Once again, called Apocalypse Soon. Even better
then Farts of Darkness, the documentary on Terror Firmer.
CT:
Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the creators of the ever so
popular South Park started off at Troma with the bloody musical
about a group of miners who are forced to turn to cannibalism after
they get lost (Cannibal, the Musical.). Is Troma's relationship with
Trey and Matt still as strong as it was back then? Will we ever see
Toxie or Kabukiman make an appearance on South Park?
LK:
Well I must say that Trey Parker and Matt Stone are the
best. As you know, they were on the cover of Newsweek magazine
and their next career move was to play a hermaphrodite couple in
Terror Firmer for no money, non union, which probably did not
please their managers, agents and handlers. They are unbelievably
nice to Troma and Trey gave me an acting roll in Orgazmo. Trey
has written the foreward to my next book which is called, "Make
Your Own Damn Movie!" and they, like Lemmy [Of Motorhead
fame] and some other people, either they pity me or they feel that
they need to help Troma. I think that they are sincere about trying
to keep Troma going. I don't think they'll put the Toxic Avenger or
Kabukiman in South Park, but Trey is in Tales from the Crapper.
That is a movie we had problems with, so all of the Troma family
are helping us fix the film and try to re-coup from what could have
been a disaster. Ron Jeremy, Trey Parker, Ted Reimi, Julia Strain,
you know all these wonderful friends of Troma!
CT:
While watching my fair share of television, I fell on to a new
episode of Beat the Geeks where the grand prize was a death
scene in the next Troma movie, how did this happen?
LK:
I think the Beat the Geeks thing was because some of the
geeks were Troma fans! I don't know quite how it happened, I know
that Doug Sakman and Micheal Herz(my partner,) we're involved in
making those decisions.
CT:
What are you gonna do for those scenes? Are you gonna
kill them individually or is it just going be the whole lot at once?
LK:
I honestly dont know! Probably whatever the geeks want,
we'll try to do it! We have no money, so obviously we're not gonna
be using a lot of CGI or appliances. They'll probably go out using
old fashioned head crushings using melons or penis pullings using
toilet paper and fake blood. Well use spaghetti and fake blood or
something. I don't know! It'll be fairly classic Troma special effects!
Which is spoken about quite in detail in my new book!
CT:
I've spoken to a lot of young film makers and people who
haven't quite began to make film yet, and I've heard of a lot of
things being used for guts on camera, from over sized pipe
cleaners to unusable pig guts from the butcher shop. What do you
think personally works best to get the best blood and guts effect?
LK:
*At this point, Kabukiman walks into the Hotel Room*
Lloyd:
SGT. Kabukiman:
LK:
Sgt Kabukiman NYPD, we were just talking about creating
guts! What do you think makes the best guts? In Terror Firmer,
because I had to get blown up, there had to be quite a big volume
of intestines and guts. We used real animal innards but for the
most part, we prefer to use rolled up latex to create intestines, a lot
of ultra slime. We make blood using Caro syrup and vegetable
coloring. My new book called Make Your Own Damn Movie has a
big chapter on special effects. Theres a lot about how we create
our head crushings using a melon with a happy face carved out, fill
it up with hamburger and cranberry sauce... Why don't you sit
down? Sgt. Kabukiman NYPD, you look good! How many more
questions do we have left?
CT:
well that was number 9 so we have 5 more..
LK:
Oh ok! So were in no rush! Unless you want to go down to
the cocktail party?
SgtKM:
LK:
Will you tell them that Toxie and Noxie are coming?
SKM:
LK:
.. So my new book, Make Your Own Damn Movie has an
entire chapter on special effects. as a matter of fact it has
somewhat of an appendix that literally lists different recipes for
head crushings, for dismemberment, for meltdowns, for fake blood,
vomit.. you know, that kind of stuff. Where I think Troma has been
a pioneer is in the head crushing department because whereas it
probably costs a couple thousand dollars to do it out in Hollywood,
where they have to do molds. We take a melon, carve it out, put a
happy face on it, put cranberry sauce, chopped meat, and Caro
syrup, mix it all together, and we put a wig on it and then we
squash it! It's remarkably effective; it's very disturbing!
CT:
LK:
Well, the crew can then eat it afterwards so it serves as
lunch for the crew.. By the way, we used to, before we had to
crush a head before we developed the melon crushing, we would
use real children's heads.. we ended up using all of our cigarette
money on bitches, so it's a big tragedy.
CT:
There are many shocking scenes in most of the movies
you release, like that kid being crushed under a car in the first
Toxic film. Off the top of your head, what do you think are the 3
most shocking scenes in any movie Troma released?
LK:
Well again, Troma is primarily satire, our movies are not
scary. They may be disturbing and I think from the point of view of
being disturbing, the only scene that's gotten us any hate mail is
when we blew away the dog in Toxic Avenger Part 1. The seeing
eye dog was shot gunned and people got a little upset about that.
That didn't upset me. I didn't find that episode really upsetting.. But
to me, a human being is a little more important then a dog but from
the point of view of some nuns and some animal lovers, we got
some pretty hostile mail on the dog. And the dog didn't really suffer
much, you know, it was killed pretty instantly, when you do that to
a dog you know... if it was shot with a .22 it might of suffered. It did
not suffer more then 48 seconds, it died real fast and again we can
feed it to the crew! I was on Animal Planet! They came to Troma
and this guy interviewed me, he had a dog so I said, "Son't tell the
dog, but in Toxic Avenger we had a scene where a dog was shot
gunned."
CT:
For those that aren't in the know, Troma is touring with the
Warped Tourthis year. How did it come to be that you guys were
gonna tour with the Warped Tourand for those attending the show
this year, what can they expect to see on Troma's behalf?
LK:
Troma's behind has some tattoos as I recall and full of
hair... Why do you want to see Troma's behind?
CT:
LK:
Behalf!? Oh! Well Troma's the only non music group that's
on the Warped Tour and we put on a show. We have Toxie,
Kabukiman, Dolphin Man, Killer Condom Man, Tromantis, and we
have our own stage. We have the ultimate Tromette contests in
different states. We do special effects demonstrations without
spending any money. We're sorta teaching people Troma
technique and its also an opportunity for fans to buy our DVDs and
t-shirts because they can't find them at Blockbuster or movie
galleries.
CT:
Who would win in a barb wire fence match between George
Lucas and Steven Spielberg?
LK:
What do you mean by that?
CT:
Well, it's like a wrestling match but instead of using ropes
they have barbed wire around the ring. It's like Japanese
underground wrestling.
LK:
Wow! I didn't know that... it's weird... but I'm not a fan of
either of their movies. Emperor of the Sun was ok, the one that
Spielberg did in China. That was pretty decent, but the Color
Purple was just ...ugh. I never understood Star Wars, I didn't get
the first one, I think that in time, but then again, who the fuck am I?
I'm Troma, nobody should be even listening to me.. but my guess
is that Lucas will be looked upon as something pretty amazing, at
least in terms of history. In the same way that Micheal Kurtiz, a
mediocre director did Casablanca. I mean. Casablanca is a major
major movie, but it's not that good. Kurtiz was a journeyman
director. You can talk to people and some people will say that film
history did not start until Star Wars! In terms of history, Lucas will
be a major player, I just can't believe that Spielberg will have any
durability. Hes just not in the same league with Billy Wilder, John
Ford, or Howard Hawks, Fritz Lang. I just think that Lucas will be
looked upon more from a historical perspective.
CT:
If you were stranded on a desert island and you had to have
one or the other, which one would you pick, Orange Pop or Grape
Soda?
LK:
If I were on a desert Island I'd go for Grape!! Grape has the
word rape in it and there are many good rapes in the world. Terror
Firmer has the life affirming rape in it!
CT:
and to finish it off What can Troma fans expect from you
guys in the upcoming couple of years?
LK:
Well it's not just a question of Troma fans, It's bigger than
that. It's bigger than Troma fans, I'm talking about Troma air
conditioners! That's Troma funny! Thats just a sample of the gritty
wit! Troma's humor.. What was the question again? Oh right! Fuck
me... I just hope survival, right now were fighting for our lives. I
used to say we were a car with three flat tires, now were a car with
four flat tires.
CT:
LK:
Yeah! We're running on the rims basically. Right now I can
tell you that we are editing the documentary about the Tromadance
Film Festival, which is gonna be a wonderful documentary based
on the Dogpile 95 Doctrine. I dunno if you know about Dogma 95,
but we've come out with Dogpile 95, and theres a website,
www.dogpile95.com which compares Dogpile 95 to Dogma 95.
We're writing a zombie movie now which will satirize the fast food
industry. I hope we can get the money for it, but we're writing it
now! we've got Tales from the Crapper now which is being edited,
which is a very troubled movie which we had to take over from a
director and producer who didn't work out. I think it's gonna be
pretty interesting. It's a digital movie done according to the Dogpile
95 Doctrine. We've got Parts of the Family coming out this year, a
zombie movie made in Belgium, which we also had to take back
and Tromatize it a bit, but I think it will be very good once it comes
out. Those are the in house productions.
CT:
LK:
Medley! I wanna bring it out! It's a good movie! But I'm not sure
if it will this year..
CT:
Well thanks a lot for your time! I guess we should get Toxie
and Noxie down to that cocktail party!
LK:
Definitely! It was my pleasure!
So once the interview was done, me and my friend geared up in
our nifty Japanese Toxie t-shirts and rubber masks and paraded
around Lloyds hotel room while he made an important business
call. Finally, we left the room and headed off to the Just For Laughs
VIP party. We didn't have press passes, but Lloyd snuck us in.
Once inside, the booze was free and the ladies were fine... oh yes!
Most of the time we just stuck around Lloyd cuz I mean, we had
become his creations. So many famous people! Janeane Garofolo,
Scott Thompson, Dave Attell, some other guy who's name I forget..
It was terrific! Too bad I couldn't make an ass out of myself by
trying to make conversation, I was sealed in a giant, sweaty rubber
mask. But once again, the beer was free. We only stuck around
shortly and had to head out to the premiere of All the Loves you
Cannes, where me and Kabukiman paraded around, trying to get
more people to see the movie. Detroit my friend, on the other
hand, was dethroned of his Toxieness and the mask was handed
back. I was also supposed to review Lee Demarbe's Jesus Christ
Vampire Hunter this month but I decided to wait for next month. If
all goes well, next month you should get the story of me and
Troma at the Warped Tour in Montreal. This has been another Jon
Morrell adventure, exciting wasn't it?!
I'd like to thank Lloyd Kaufman and Sgt. Kabukiman for taking time out
of their schedule to do the interview and making the day as awesome
as possible for a Troma fanboy. I'd like to thank xdarkmenacex for
helping me out at the last second.
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