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The "U-Decide" titles are out folks. For better or worse we've been
given the "power" to make one of these series more successful than the
others. Why? In all honesty I don't have a clue. More importantly I
really don't care who "wins." However, I figured the titles would provide
some useful rant material, and if I was lucky maybe I could save someone
who is still pondering picking one of the issues up some cash. So here is
the quick and ugly on each series and which, if any, I'm contemplating
getting the next issue of.
Marville
Marville is written by Marvel Comics President Bill Jemas, penciled
by Mark Bright and inked by Paul Neary. Now I had already heard a
couple of horror stories about Marville before I picked it up, but I figured
that was a good thing. I figured that with low expectations I would be
more easily impressed, or at least find merit, with the book on some level.
The first thing I did with the book was to take a quick flip through the
pages before reading it. I quickly saw that Bright and Neary make a
pretty good art team. I've enjoyed Bright's style since Quantum and
Woody, but with Nearly along his work looked even better. Of course,
we all know that no matter how good a book looks without a story it's
just a bunch of pretty pictures.
Now it's time for the story of Marville. Remember, I'm not making
any of this up. In 5002 A.D. it appears that AOLon, today known as
Earth, is going to be destroyed by an asteroid. Because of this the once
owner of AOLon, named Ted, decides to save his son KalAOL by
sending him back in time to the year 2002. Once in 2002 KalAOL and his
dog AOLstro befriend a cabbie named Mickey and begin trying to find
their place in our world. For some reason I have yet to understand,
KalAOL keeps thinking that because he comes from the future he should
have some kind of super power. Also, it turns out that the asteroid strike
in 5002 didn't happen after all, but since there is no time machine in the
past Ted can't bring KalAOL back. At the end of the issue Ted attempts
to help out KalAOL by using the time machine to send him a package of
clean underwear. Again, I'm not making this up.
That is the cut and dry of this book, folks. If you're thinking of
the speech in the movie Billy Madison where the principal remarks on Billy's
answer to a question with the final phrase, "Everyone in this room is now
dumber for having listened to it," you're on the right track. The only
difference is that this was written, not spoken. Well, that and the fact
that Billy Madison was GOOD. The feeling I get from this book is that
Jemas thought he could pull off the same type of comedy as Christopher
Priest did with Quantum and Woody. It seems like Jemas actually sat
down and came up with his jokes first and wrote the story around them.
Unfortunately the jokes aren't that good (and I laugh at almost anything)
and the story just doesn't flow. The final nail in the coffin of this book,
though, is that it has an introduction and afterword that explain its
humor. It looks like Jemas was never told that if you have to explain a
joke it means that either it isn't funny or that you told it wrong. Now,
before I move on I'd like to take a moment of silence to honor the poor
trees that had to die to see this story in print. Thank you.
Captain Marvel
Captain Marvel is written by Peter David, penciled by Chris Cross
and colored by Chris Sotomayor. Now, from my understanding this
relaunch is supposed to be geared towards new readers, such as myself.
I'm not too familiar with the issues of Captain Marvel that came before
this one other than that they were written by David and contained the
same characters. Since I have read books and comics by David in the
past I went from start to finish on this book all at once, because I was
afraid something important might be conveyed in the art.
The story starts out with Rick Jones giving us a quick rundown of
how he and Captain Marvel (aka Genis) are connected through their
nega-bands and that Marvel's powers include the manipulation of
"photonic energy" and "cosmic awareness." After Rick's introduction
we're given the story of how Marvel recently "went mad." It began with
Marvel attacking a drug dealer that actually turned out to be some sort of
monster. Marvel and the monster have a little brawl until Marvel's
"awareness" alerts him that someone is about to get onto a bus with a
bomb. So, Marvel then blows away the monster and moves on to the
next situation. By making a roof modification to the bus Marvel is able to
reach in and remove the woman with the bomb. Marvel disarms the
woman and leaves her with the local authorities. As soon as Marvel
leaves a woman that was on the bus shoots the woman who had the
bomb. We can only guess at the final outcome of that situation because
Marvel has already headed out to space on another mission.
Once in space, Marvel comes across a couple of fatally injured
aliens. One is still alive and Marvel says that he will take him back home.
However, once in space with the body Marvel gets another flash of
"awareness" and has to decide between saving a young female alien and
stopping a Badoon invasion. Marvel drops the body of the alien he said
he would return home in space and goes to stop the Badoon invasion.
After an impressive display of power against the Badoon Marvel is hit
with yet another bit of "awareness." In this new "awarenss" Marvel
sees that the female alien that he chose not to save would have brought
peace to all the races of the universe if she had lived. With this
revelation Marvel removes himself to an unknown location and becomes
overwhelmed with all the information his "awareness" is giving him. The
end result is what appears to be a Captain Marvel that has been driven
insane.
So how does this story move along? That is a mixed bag. While the
team of Cross and Sotomayor produce artwork that is very beautiful it
seems to be lacking something. Sotomayor did an incredible job of
coloring this book, but Chris Cross' work doesn't make you want to
"jump, jump." Now don't get me wrong, Cross (despite my bad humor) is
an incredible artist, and combined with Sotomayor they pull off visuals
that look at times like they should be on your wall rather than in a comic
book. However, perhaps that's the problem. I'm really not sure because
there was something else that was missing in this book, which was
dialogue.
After reading this book I had the serious impression that David was
releasing some of his personal feelings, or reactions, regarding the
September 11th attacks. Now, I'm not somebody who goes digging for
this kind of connection. Yet, when you look at the idea of how drug
dealers would be easier to deal with if they really were monsters, that
people who are threatened for no reason are likely to defend the lives of
their children, and that perhaps sometimes the needs of the many don't
outweigh the good that can be done by a few, you walk away with this
surreal impression that perhaps the universe doesn't really make sense at
times. That's what seems to have happened to Marvel. Marvel is doing
his best to pilot what he should do through his "awareness" and what it
shows him. However, Marvel can't be everywhere at once and
sometimes possibilities that he could never imagine aren't revealed to
him until it's too late to actually make a difference. The problem here of
course is that those possibilities are revealed to him. How would you
feel if after every choice you made the universe showed you what good
could have come from the opposite choice? I would guess that after a
while you wouldn't want to make choices, and finally perhaps even
"break down" due to a fear of having to make them. This could be what
has happened to Marvel, but that will be revealed later.
Ultimate Adventures
Ultimate Adventures is written by Ron Zimmerman, penciled by
Duncan Fegredo and colored by Paul Mounts. This is the book that Joe
Quesada attached his name to in the "U-Decide" fiasco. Now, I read this
book after I read Captain Marvel so I was sure to do a quick flip through
the book just to make sure that I would actually get some dialogue
between characters. I could quickly see this was the case and that the
art had a much more "staple" comic book feel. Definitely a good change
of pace for my brain after Captain Marvel.
This story takes place in Marvel's Ultimate Universe and starts out
centered on a young boy named Hank Kippie. Within the first few pages
we're given the basic information about Hank thanks to the
conversations he has. Hank is a smart-mouth, an intelligent tinkerer, an
orphan, and a realist that is all too aware of the life he has been dealt.
After receiving his punishment for a few less than positive remarks about
God made in front of Father Joe and Sister Mary we find Hank having a
little heart to heart with God on top of the orphanage. A short sprint and
show of acrobatic skill later Hank returns to the sleeping area of the
orphanage. Later, two gun toting thugs decide to hide out in the
orphanage and end up in the sleeping area with Hank and the rest of the
boys. These thugs are pretty much Jay and Silent Bob after switching
from pot to meth, and the parts of their brains that held their humor are
toast. After a few less than positive remarks to the thugs Hank finds
himself staring down the barrel of gun. At this time a crime fighter, who
appears to only be known by the thugs, named Hawk-Owl shows up.
With some help from Hank (and some smart-mouth comments at no extra
charge) Hawk-Owl is able to take down the thugs without anyone being
hurt.
The next day a man named Jack Danner arrives at the orphanage to
adopt one of the boys. Along with Jack comes his Aunt Ruth, his butler
James, and his driver Lee. We find out during a conversation in the limo
that Jack's parents were killed in an accident when he was a child, but his
aunt believes they were murdered. We also quickly see that James is a
very opinionated butler and that Lee apparently doesn't speak. After
meeting with the boys, and getting grilled by Hank about the joke that
was the last US Presidential Election, Jack leaves for they day. Later in
the evening we find out that Jack has decided to adopt Hank. After a
short conversation with Father Joe, and another quick heart to heart with
God, Hank packs up his stuff and heads off to his new life with Jack
Danner.
This story is a comic book, plain and simple. We have a balance of
art and story that works very well, with the story being the driving
force . . . as it should be. Now in case you hadn't figured it out by now
this story is an obvious twist on the origin of the team we know as
Batman and Robin. There are a few differences though. First, Hawk-Owl
doesn't look nearly as cool as Batman. In fact he looks like the love child
of Shadow Hawk and Batman. Second, Hank (our would-be Robin) has
attitude that I think Bruce Wayne would throw him back in the
orphanage for, yet Jack seems to be entertained by it. Third, Jack's
relationship with his butler is definitely not the caring one Bruce Wayne
has with Alfred. Lastly, and most importantly, Jack (our would-be
Batman) doesn't appear to have the revenge streak driving him that led
Bruce Wayne to become Batman. Jack doesn't even believe his parents
were murdered. With an unknown reason for Hawk-Owl's existence, and
a sidekick that will probably provide as much technical assistance as
satirical humor, this book definitely lays some solid groundwork for an
interesting series (limited or otherwise).
I-Decided
Now, before I throw out my decision about these comics I need to
stick in my rant on the concept behind this "U-Decide" competition. In
case you couldn't pick it up at the start, I thought this whole idea was a
waste of time. It's embarrassing to Marvel and all the parties involved.
To me each comic is tainted by being involved in this so-called
competition and will never receive the total merit it might deserve had it
been created without a connection to "U-Decide." Plus, in case you
hadn't heard it served no purpose other than to sap reader's money,
which I'm sure was its lone purpose anyway. Each comic took the #1
position in sales by someone's math. Who really won? Does it matter?
With the taint each book and the people involved in making them will
take from this point on (in my eyes,) this competition can be summed up
by a quote from David Spade's character in the movie PCU, "Doesn't
matter who wins, 'cause they're all losers."
With that said which book, or books, am I actually still thinking
about looking into further? Ultimate Adventures I will likely take a look
at just because it's a balanced story and I'm a sucker for sarcastic humor,
which Hank looks like he is going to provide plenty of. Captain Marvel I
am riding the fence on right now. From what I understood this issue of
Captain Marvel was supposed to provide a jump on point for new
people, and it really didn't do that at all for me. If I had to judge this
series from this issue alone, I would guess that it's going to be
something surreal littered with more internal dialogue than actual
"adventure." I think continuing Captain Marvel readers probably got a
lot more out of this book than a new reader did. However, I may check
out the next issue to see what develops with Marvel's state of mind.
Marville? Wow . . . how can I put this? Bill Jemas himself wrote "the
subtitle of Marville #1 is 'Just Imagine Bill Jemas Creating the DC
Universe.'" Me? I think it would be better to subtitle Marville #1 as
"Just Imagine Bill Jemas Has Crapped In Your Hands." 'Nuff said.
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