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Ok, so I know I promised this one a long time ago. It would
have been even more recent, but school is kicking my butt this
semester, and the due date for these stupid reviews keep
coinciding with about two major projects and three tests.
(Exaggerated, but only a little) to make my sob-story sound
better. As a side note, Id like to say that Lisp sucks, and who-
ever invented it, may you be plagued by hemorrhoids for the rest
of your life. You know who you are. Like I promised a long
time ago, now that everyone has already bought the game and
beaten it, I am reviewing Warcraft III from Blizzard
Entertainment. Incidentally, I wrote Blizzard while they were
doing the beta testing, and asked for permission to review the
game as a preview, and the good for nothing louts snubbed me,
as dictated by their unsolicited email policy, so bugger the lot of
them. (Im in a vindictive mood tonight, Im thinking). Umm
right then . . . Usually my monologue is a bit longer, but darned if
I can think of anything. Perhaps I should quote the Great
Gatsby. All of it. Except Andy Kaufman already did that. Ok,
Im going to give up now, cause this review is starting to get
downright weird. Ill try again next month. Send me an email.
About anything. Just so I can say that I get fan mail. Or
something. School sucks.
*forcibly shuts up*
For those of you who dont know, Warcraft III (WCIII)
is a Real-Time Strategy (RTS) Game. That basically translates
to you have a map, you gather resources, build an army, and
destroy everything that moves, including helpless animals and
trees. WCIII builds on the style and plotlines of the previous
two games, and StarCraft, a space-based version of the game.
WCIII attempts a slightly different approach from the other
games by expanding the types of mission. In the previous
games, your goal was to more or less kill all of the enemy. In
WCIII, missions include exploring the map, running errands,
establishing bases, rescuing other people, just trying to survive
for a short period of time, and slaughtering an entire town of
your own people. Oh, and killing everything that moves. WCIII
has four playable races, with the Orcs and Humans returning
from the previous games, and it also has the Undead Legion and
the Night Elves. Ummmm . . . yeah.
Plot. Also new in WCIII are special units called heroes.
Heroes gain experience, learn new skills, and can use items.
The plot of the game follows a handful of heroes from the
different races, and their lives and actions during the Invasion of
the Undead Scourge, and their attempt to destroy the world.
The game starts off with a small tutorial with the Orcs, then
jumps to the humans, and some Weird Old Guys who go on and
on about the end of the world. I wont say anymore. Its cool
though.
Graphics. Blizzard likes to keep their games easily playable for
everyone, so just a standard 8mb video card is needed. Its
game graphics are three dimensional, and kinda caricature-ish
because the people are disproportionate to the landscape,
rocks, trees, buildings, etc. Its very different, but neat looking.
(Yeah, I know, Im just full of helpful descriptions and
explanations today. Dr. K. blows chunks.) The cinematic at the
end of every race campaign absolutely rocks, of course. Too
bad they arent longer, or more of them.
Sound. Lots of sound effects, and all the people talk, including
the heroes arguing with each other, and their own thoughts. In
previous Blizzard games, you could continuously click a unit, and
eventually it would start to mouth off at you. I wouldnt be
surprised if the units in WCIII did it too. (Speaking of mouthing
off, Dr. Glover can take his method and shove it somewhere
VERY uncomfortable, and I dont mean the back-seat of a
Volkswagen.) WCII and StarCraft CDs also had a hidden
music track that was a rap medley of the sound effects in the
game.
Gameplay. WCIII has a simple to use mouse system, and also
supports an array of hotkeys, and such to give you better control
over the game. The mission themselves are like I already said,
quite varied. In addition to the main campaign, the game also
has extensive multiplayer, single mission skirmishes, and a level
editor/designer for more hours of amusement. (Physics 2, meet
9-iron. 9-iron, meet Physics 2)
Difficulty. WCIII has three difficulty modes, easy, normal, and
hard. Game on normal isnt too hard. Im told that in the
credits there is something or other really cool/funny, and it hints
that there is more if you can beat it on hard (you dont have to
redo it all, just set the difficulty to hard and redo the last
mission.) You have to survive for 45 minutes. Closest weve
come is 11 minutes left.
Replay. (its actually tomorrow now, everything before was
yesterday). (now going to the short, short version, because
everything sucks) Replay is fairly good, like I said, you have the
campaign, the skirmish missions, and extensive multiplayer
support on Battle.net
Spiffiness. Um . . . Oh bloody hell, I quit.
Final Ratings:
| Plot | 8.5 |
| Graphics | 8.0 |
| Sound | 8.5 |
| Gameplay | 8.3 |
| Difficulty | 8.0 |
| Replay | 8.9 |
| Spiffiness | 8.0 |
| | |
| Overall | 8.314 |
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