They're trying SO hard to rock. And it's just not working. "Frantic" sounds like someone's divorced dad started a metal band to try and impress their estranged kid. The guitarwork doesn't suck, but that's about it. You can't hear the bass at all, Bob Rock's Steve Albini job on the drum sound is a joke. Hetfield's vocals are WAY too high in the mix, he's trying way too hard, and the lyrics are...emo... "St. Anger", I've already discussed here. "I want...my anger to be healthy..."? Jesus, man. I also don't see how they're going to play this live and have it sound anything like the studio version, because they used Pro Tools SO heavily and obviously. "Some Kind Of Monster": Wow. Hetfield's semi-rapping here. No wonder he's touring with Bizkit this summer. "I'm hip! I'm 'with it'! Dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka-dooka..." Wow, some Rob Zombie "Yeah!!!"s in there too. Pretty cool, guys. The drums are just ridiculous sounding here, too. Girlfriend chimes in here..."This is not Metallica...this is Korn!" Next... "Dirty Window": More comments from the girlfriend: "I wasn't aware they had a special "guy from Soundgarden" filter!" This is the most tolerable track on the record so far, but it's still not Metallica. Again, the guitars aren't that bad here, but they get overshadowed by the pedantic lyrics ("I drink from the cup of denial", indeed...), the straining vocals and the atrocious drum sound. "Invisible Kid": Yes, folks, it's Metallica's heartwarming tribute to the Legion Of Super-Heroes characters. It's nice of Metallica to compress these guitar riffs at the beginning of the song so well. Eventually, The Young Gods will sample this and put them to good use. This is sooooo fucking bad. So many perfectly acceptable riffs wasted on crap that sounds like Metallica's take on "Billy Don't Be A Hero" or something. 3:30 from the end (the song's fucking 8:30...please, let it end...), Hetfield has turned into the gay Glen Danzig. Actually, he kinda sounds like Urine from the Left Rights on "Darth Vader (Don't Give A Sith)". "Used to be the learner, now you're very much gayer..." You know they probably think this is the best track on the record, too, much in the same way I'm sure Hetfield probably loved "Holier Than Thou" on The Black Album. "My World": Wow, that's a bad chorus. And hey, they ripped off the hook from "Not Fade Away". Oh, these lyrics...*snicker*..."It's my world...sucker!" BWAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA they ripped off The Waitresses! Whoa, Hetfield's cursing now! That badass. Hey, a special appearance from Jonathan Davi...oh, no, that's still Hetfield. Awww..."God, it feels...like it only rains on me..." Poor little fella. And, at 5:30 of track 6...the bass finally makes a cameo! WOOOOOOOO!!!! "Enough's enough", sez James as the song ends, and I'm inclined to wholeheartedly agree, but I'll stick it out for the back 5 of the album. "Shoot Me Again": Yeah, please do. Hey, who invited Tom Morello to this party? And whoa, the bass showed up again! Oh, wait. Generic Metallica riff. OK, I was getting scared for a second. Hetfield shows up again, trying to sound all sensitive. This guy really has a second career ahead of him singing jingles for feminine hygiene product commercials. Another bad chorus follows, with the second part being just too emo for anyone's good. Apparently, Lars and Hetfield are listening to a lot of Dashboard Confessional these days. If James keeps asking us to shoot him, sooner or later, some disgruntled Metallicat is going to take him up on it, especially if they have to sit through Linkin Park and Bizkit before hearing this album live. Another reviewer I read, I believe in Cleveland Scene made prominent mention of the false starts and endings on all of these songs, and so far, this one's the worst with the false endings. I keep getting happy, like, "Wow, it's over!" but it just...isn't. The background shouting that comes in on this and the title track has me waiting for "AND I'M ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE END, AND I'M ABOUT TO BREAK!" to happen. "Sweet Amber": Wait, is that a synth in the background in the pre-chorus, or is that just a heavily processed guitar? Either way, they're going to get so much shit from the meatheads for that. This one hasn't been that bad in the first 2:30 or so, but I'd heard that it was the best song on the album, so I'm not too surprised. It's the only really coherent song on the record, and even the drums aren't that obnoxious. Hardly classic Metallica, but at least it's listenable. "Unnamed Feeling": ...aaaand right back into the Kornfest. *yawn* No, really. *yawn*. Another song, another passable riff wasted. Oh, hang on, let me listen again, he's cursing again. Oh, never mind, he's just doing his Jonathan Davis impression again. Bah. BAH! Nice riff toward the end, but so...very...wasted ...on this crapfest. "Purify": I'm out of material by this point. So are they. The drums on this are almost Barkmarket-esque. I guess that's OK. Some riffs don't suck here. Still...ugh. Really, I'm just riding out these last 2 songs so I can say I listened to this all the way. I only made it through 3 sides of Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music", so I'd kind of like to stick it out through this. "All Within My Hands": Starts off with some decent riffs, again, but don't worry, they'll fuck it up. "Oh, Jeffrey." What the hell, man? Some actual "real" Metallica in here, but the "quiet" part is soooooo weak. Throws off the balance of the whole song. They were trying for contrast, but it just sounds like they cut and pasted it in. The production really deep-sixes this song, and to a larger extent, the album. This one goes on for wayyyyy too long (at 8:47, the longest track), and it sounds like they're trying to overcompensate for the rest of the album being a shitfest. Fellas, I think you're too late. Ahhh, finally...it is over. Overall: If I had to say something nice about this...well, the rhythm guitarwork doesn't totally suck. Otherwise...Cliff's going to drill a hole to China from all the spinning he's doing in his grave. I need more time to put some perspective on this, but this may surpass Billy Idol's "Cyberpunk" as the worst record ever made by people who should know better.

the crawford files

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