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November 2004
Welcome to November, when the year winds down, the election wraps up, and the holidays loom ahead. November is our short break between the insanity of Presidential Campaign Politics and the Mad Marketing Mayhem of the Yule season. Relax, take a few deep breaths, enjoy the November issue of Collector Times, and get ready. This break is always shorter than we'd like.
This past month we had our annual refresher training on Corporate Ethics at work. Before you think that I've slipped a cog because Corporate Ethics has nothing to do with gaming, let me assure you, I have slipped a cog, but this isn't evidence of that. For many years now, our Corporate Ethics Training has involved using games of one sort or another for the training process. For several years we had a game using Scott Adams' "Dilbert" characters for our Ethics training. This year we had a new game using some funky multi-colored dice, and the invitation from our department Secretary to submit ideas for next year's Ethics Training Game.
Since I write about gaming often, I thought, "Why limit it to Ethics Training? Why not draw on popular culture and gaming for our other training as well?" Here then are my proposals for Corporate Training Games based on various pop icons and situations.
The Simpsons Safety Training Game
Trainees divide into teams, who then watch a Simpsons cartoon clip portraying a safety scenario. Players evaluate each action by determining whether the action best represents a "Homer" action, a "Bart" action, a "Lisa" action, or a "Marge" action. "Homer" actions are, of course, ones where thoughtlessness, stupidity, or plain carelessness creates a hazard. "Bart" actions are ones where recklessness, mischief, or malice creates a hazard. "Lisa" actions are ones where intelligent thought and rational evaluation averts a hazard, and "Marge" actions are ones where compassion and caring prevents others from suffering a hazard. Those who guess incorrectly are awarded "DOH!" cards. The team with the most "DOH!" cards at the end of the game doesn't get any donuts. The rest simply look at them and say, "Don't have a cow, man!" Alternatively, we can point and say, "HA HA!"
"Maggie" actions are left out of the game, simply because the typical attitude of most trainees is that, no matter how much fun you make the game, someone is going to think that it's a "suck suck suck".
At the Upper Management level, the addition of the "Mr. Burns" action sequences teach those in charge the importance of allocating funds for safety into the annual budget. "Smithers" will try to get more money, while "Mr. Burns" tries to cut costs at the expense of employee safety.
The Beavis and Butthead Sexual Harassment Training Game
Sexual harassment is a big issue in today's Corporate Environment. Since companies have been sued because they didn't seem to take a complaint seriously enough, we need to give them an appropriately silly game to try and grill into us men the importance of not acting like oversexed tactless dogs. It's so much better when we act like oversexed tactless men. If we can learn to act like oversexed tactless women, we'll be perfect.
The Beavis and Butthead Sexual Harassment Training Game will put your team in charge of one of our two characters. Each team must try and get either Beavis or Butthead through one full day without suffering horrible consequences for tasteless, insensitive, and lewd behavior. As they make their way across the game board, they will land on squares that present them with various tempting scenarios. The team then rolls the "response die" to determine if they make a crude statement, a lewd gesture, a bug-eyed stare, etc. The Game Master reads the result of that action, along with instructions for any consequences that might occur. Consequences include getting slapped back one square, kicked in the groin back two squares, sued back three squares, hit-in-the-head-with-a-baseball-bat back four squares, or publicly humiliated back five squares. The correct response moves the character forward one square. This not only teaches that incorrect actions have consequences, but that the rewards for behaving correctly are rarely as dramatic as the punishments for being perceived as acting improperly, just like real life.
For extra fun, each team must designate a "laugher", who must perform the Beavis and Butthead trademark, "Heh-heh, heh-heh, heh-heh" laugh on each turn.
The Fear Factor Diversity Training Game
I was considering a diversity training game based on the old "All In The Family" TV show, since it's been many years since television has offered us such a lovable bigot as Archie Bunker, but since I'm already reminded of my age by turning 45 this month, I figured I didn't need to accentuate the fact that I'm an old fogey.
Fear Factor has elevated the idea of making a fool out of your self on National Television to new heights. Why not apply this same concept to Diversity training? After all, bigotry is basically just a form of fear, no matter what demographic one aims their bigotry at. The Fear Factor Diversity Training Game works best with large groups, so that each training session has the best chance of having a diverse group of participants. As with most Corporate Training, de more people you have, diverse it gets. The jokes don't get any better, either.
The game would involve making people who have problems getting along with a certain group work together with that group to accomplish something. Just for an example, we would make Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore ride a tandem bicycle down a long street, lined on one side with angry Democrats, and along the other side with angry Republicans. Going one direction, Rush steers the bike, while Michael steers going the other. As they ride, the people on either side are lobbing rotten tomatoes, cartons of sour milk, globs of axle grease, and other assorted nasty things at the two pundits. The more they work together, the faster they can get through this gross gauntlet.
While most of us don't have either Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh in our workplaces, you get the idea. Theoretically, making someone depend on a person they hate should help them to overcome their fear and prejudice and reach an understanding that all of us are in essentially the same boat. If it doesn't help them overcome these feelings, at least we have the fun of pelting them with rotten tomatoes.
Heck, the company could even make some money off this deal. It would not surprise me at all if a game like this could be taped and aired on prime time for the next big reality show hit, especially if we could start out with the Limbaugh/Moore stunt. For that, we could even charge admission to those who will line the street to throw at the two participants. I know people who would pay big bucks for a chance to throw something nasty at one of those two men. This could be BIG profit, and remember, you read it here first.
Just send my royalty checks directly to my bank account. I wouldn't want to have to run into any of THOSE people on my way to the local branch.
Have a good month. For our U.S. readers, I hope you have a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving, and are back next month for the Confessions of a Newbie Holiday Special, "Games to play when the relatives are over", or "Why Grandma is convinced Santa is skipping our house this year."
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