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December 2004
Happy holidays! December is the time of year for family gatherings and visiting with relatives that we studiously avoid the rest of the year. What better time to talk about gaming than when we can expect all kinds of people around the house?
Usually when we think of Christmas morning games, we think of the old traditional favorites like "Life", "Monopoly", "Parcheesi", "Sorry", and so on. These are the games that most of our relatives are familiar and comfortable with. They're also the ones that most of them quit playing years ago because they became bored with them.
If you're in a Jewish household, you probably associate games like "Dreidl" and "Mah Jong" with Chanukah. Typically, the Driedl game lasts until someone gets so tired of hearing the kids sing "Dreidl, dreidl, dreidl, I made it out of clay . . ." that they grab a couple of Bubbe's latkes and shove them in their ears. Mah Jong might be more fun if that same Bubbe didn't always guilt-trip you into losing. After eight nights of her kicking your tuchas at it, anyway, it kind of loses some appeal.
The trick here is to get your relatives interested in some of the newer games you enjoy. "Dungeons and Dragons" probably isn't a good one to try this with. You'll spend your entire holiday just talking them through character creation, and if you do get a chance to play, your Bubbe will probably want to just feed all the orcs instead of fighting them.
"You see a large horde of orcs heading your way. They look mean and hungry."
"Well, of course they're hungry; such a group and no one what for to cook! I'll prepare them a nice brisket and some latkes; such cooking they've never had!"
"I attack them with an earthquake spell!"
"You attack them? What are you, meshuga? Why don't you try talking to them first? Maybe all they need is a little nosh and they'll leave us alone!"
You see; it kind of loses something, doesn't it?
It doesn't work much better in the Christian home, either.
"You enter the dark chamber and see a huge demon; by his size and his shape, you see that it's a balrog."
"A demon?!? I rebuke him in the name of Jesus!"
"I, er, that's not a recognized attack in my rules!"
D'n'D isn't always an easy game to introduce the non-gamer to, and you are as likely to find yourself being rebuked as the demons. You might also find yourself surrounded by well-meaning relatives who will start fervently praying for your deliverance from this evil influence you've subjected yourself to. Granted, if you happen to speak a little Klingon and want to have fun, you can always start speaking it with a deep voice while drooling profusely just to mess with their heads, but that's liable to find you tied to the chair while an exorcism gets performed.
Instead, think about trying to introduce them to one of the simpler offerings from a company like "Cheapass Games".
"What are you boys playing here?"
"It's 'Safari Jack' from Cheapass Games, Grandma!"
"You watch your mouth, young man! I washed your daddy's mouth out with soap for such language, and I'll wash yours out, too!"
"But Grandma; that's the company's name!"
"I don't care if it's the president's name; you don't use that kind of language in my house!"
On second thought, maybe you should stick with something from Steve Jackson games, like "Munchkin".
"So, what are you boys playing over here while I'm slaving away in the kitchen?"
"It's 'Munchkin', Bubbe."
"Oh? And what do you do in 'Munchkin'?"
"You try and get the other players killed so you can steal their stuff."
"Oy vey! My grandson, learning to be a little hoodlum! I knew that woman that married my son was a no-goodnik! Such a child she is raising! That's it; I'm moving in so that I can make sure you're raised right!"
On third thought, maybe you should just stick with Monopoly or Mah Jong after all . . .
Here's wishing you all the happiest of holidays, whichever ones you observe, and a safe and happy New Year. We'll see you in 2005.
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