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November 2006
Holy cow! It's October 31st, almost quitting time, and I haven't written my column yet!
Things have been a bit busy lately. My job is covered by a Union Contract, which expires the first week of November. As such, the Union and the Company are in negotiations, a process that often leaves many of us asking, "Where are the grown-ups?" In anticipation of the possibility that things may not go well, the Company is preparing for the labor-dispute delays by trying to get as much done ahead of time as possible. This means things that aren't technically due for a few weeks have been bumped up to this week.
You know, I started wondering a few minutes ago if the negotiation process wouldn't go smoother if they got rid of the lawyers, brought in one good game master, and issued the committees from both Management and Labor sets of dice. I can hear it now . . . "Okay; both teams will roll 5 D6's. The general wage increase for the first year of the new contract will be (10D6/10)-1, and if I catch either side cheating, there will be a one point penalty to the opposite side's favor . . ."
Seriously; it couldn't be more haphazard than the way they're currently "negotiating". The Company is requesting an increase in the employee's co-pay for the benefits package, while the Union is requesting the Company cover more of the cost. Roll those dice!
It has to be easier than spending hours arguing about it. I mean, if such decisions aren't really going to be based on the National Cost-of-Living Index, or the company's true performance in the marketplace, why not just leave the decisions to the dice, overseen by a neutral Gamemaster who could not care less one way or the other?
Heck; they could play Munchkin for the contract. We might even be able to get Steve Jackson and John Kovalic to design a special "Munchkin Strike" expansion set, with such cards as "The Arbitrator of Doom", "The Picket Fence" (a guy that buys stolen goods from striking workers), "The Lexus of Evil" (driven by the bazillionaire CEO who says the company can't afford pay raises), "The Shop Steward of Gondor", "The Checker Scab Company", "The Lock-Out Knock-Out", "The Missed Payday Loan Company", "Strike While the Pavement is Hot", and the all-important weapon card, "The Random Axe of Vandalism".
The resulting contract may not be any better for either side, but at least the process of arriving at it would be a heckuva lot more fun and less stressful for all involved.
You know, if I were a salaried employee, I'd get a decent sized bonus for the suggestion. Heck; I'll extend the suggestion to my bonus. Just give me 1D20 x $1000 . . .
I'm easy . . .
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