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(Mathew is sitting in a comfortable wingback chair in a nice room with a green polo shirt on and slacks. Standing behind him is an imposing figure wearing gray and black camouflage and is built like a brick house. Mathew: My fellow readers. I have been told that from time to time I am too nice to people who annoy me. That is why I have brought in someone to help me get across things in terms that some people might understand. The gentleman behind me is my anger translator Ed Azner. Ed: (Interlaces his fingers in front of his chest and looks into the camera and deadpans) Hi. Mathew: I had intended to write a review for both the first Captain America movie and the new Captain America movie since a combo showing was going on at the local theater when it came out last month, but some jackass decided to mess around on his cell phone while the First Avenger was playing. I can write it off as a one-time thing, but when it is constantly being done through the first 90 minutes of movie; I can takes no more. Ed: Ya'll out there bringing your cell phones into the movie theater ruined me writing a movie review. Why do you have to constantly have the thing on you? Are you a doctor; doctor? Is someone going to die if you don't have your phone on you and turned on? If not, then why the FUCK is it on in the movie theater? Shut that FUCKING thing off and enjoy the movie. If it is, then why the FUCK are you at the movies?! Go stay at the hospital or some SHIT! Mathew: I have had a rough couple of months with my father passing away and me being the only one between my brothers able to go up there to say goodbye. I thought I would treat myself because that is something he and I did every so often when I was younger. It was a comic book movie as well so he would have enjoyed it. Ed: My dad passed away and you all with your phones done FUCKING ruined me having a good time and being able to decompress. Let's see how you like being frisked by the TSA because you are flying one way and have everyone paranoid because of something that happened a world away. Mathew: My editor was nice enough to give me a Fandango gift code for my birthday and I thought I would use it. Ed: The nice woman who helps put this e-zine together once a month sent me a nice gift and I spent $19.25 of it essentially watching one movie because some ASSHOLE can't stay off his cell phone for four plus hours. I should have gotten my $20 back by taking it out on your hide. Mathew: Ed! What did I say about threats? Dial it back a little. (Points finger at himself) Ed: Come on Ed; why do you have to always sully the good name of the Collector Times with your threats? Come on you're better than that. (Ed composes himself and walks off) Mathew: Now when they say to "please turn off your phone" before the show starts then you do so. It is just common courtesy. (Ed walks back in close to the camera) Ed: How would you have liked me to sit five rows down from you and have my phone shining bright just flipping between two screens of apps in an otherwise dark theater during a movie? Mathew: So please for the sake of other movie watchers please turn off your cell phones or other devices while we are in the theater so everyone can have a good time. Ed: Ya'll 86 that SHIT or I come over there and do it for ya'll. Mathew: Thank you and good night. Ed: I'm done! You can now go back to reading about comic books, gaming, books or whatever ya'll come to this site for. (Ed walks off and Mathew is still sitting there. He smiles.)
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