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September 2006
Well, it's been a month since I made my first submission to a publisher. The good news is, no rejection letter yet. The bad news is, no acceptance letter, either. The waiting game continues. I have a couple of other writing projects in work, a webpage in the planning stages to promote my writing, and a drawing class at the college right now (I'm doing it backwards; I taught myself figure drawing, and now I'm taking a class learning still life drawing). Perhaps by next month I'll have a rejection letter or two to report. Until then, I thought I'd take a humorous walk down memory lane with my top ten revised classic T.V. quotes.
- "Kung Fu", from 1972
Master Kan, to young Caine; "When you can snatch the food from my plate, it will be time for you to leave."
- "The Incredible Hulk", from 1977
Dr. Bruce Banner; "Don't make me angry, unless you're prepared to pay for all the clothes I keep ruining every time I get angry."
- "The Six Million Dollar Man", from 1973
Oscar Goldman, in opening narration; "Better than he was before. Better, stronger, faster. Unfortunately, we didn't make him more coordinated and the untied shoelace at 60 miles per hour left him barely alive, again."
- "Star Trek", from 1966
Captain Kirk, in opening voice-over; "To boldly go where no man has gone before, because that's where we'll find some really lonely women to keep this voyage interesting!"
- "Lost in Space", from 1965
The Robot; "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger! Robot flailing randomly!"
- "Home Improvement", from 1991
Wilson, over fence; "Heidy-ho, neighbors, and you might want to consider closing your curtains a little more carefully."
- "The Outer Limits", from 1963
The Control Voice; "There is nothing wrong with your television set. It's the crap the networks are broadcasting that's wrong."
- "The Twilight Zone", from 1959
Narrator; "You are about to enter another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, the library!"
- "Kolchak: The Night Stalker", from 1972
Carl Kolchak; "This nut thinks he's a vampire, and the Goth movement isn't due for at least another twenty years!"
- "The Weakest Link", from 2000
Host; "You are the weakest link for coming on this show and subjecting yourself to this abuse in the first place. Goodbye!"
See you next month, and until then, remember these immortal words of wisdom from Groucho Marx. "Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
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