One day I was out seeing a movie, and on my way into the auditorium, I couldn't help but notice a post. The poster said something very important in the corner: Jackie Chan and Jet Li. What it didn't say was Michael Angarano. There's a good reason for that: he's not a martial arts star and I don't think anybody would ever say to themselves "Wow! A martial arts movie with Michael Angarano! I've gotta see that." So when I saw the trailer for Forbidden Kingdom and saw that it was about some kid from Boston who magically gets transported to ancient China where he gets trained by Jackie Chan and Jet Li, I asked myself "Why!?! Why do movie makers hate the world? Why did two great action stars agree to this? Why am I going to go see it anyway?" Well, I can answer the last one at least. Because I am a pathetic little fan girl. But at least I'm not alone in that. Me and my two best fan boys (my husband Chris and our friend Alex) took ourselves down to the theater and prepared to suffer through the movie, content in the knowledge that we'd be rewarded with at least one good fight scene. The happy fact of the matter is that we did not suffer. Forbidden Kingdom is actually a decent way to waste a late Spring afternoon. The action is great, the scenery is beautiful, and Jackie Chan, Jet Li, Liu Yifei and Li Bingbing are all amazing. Notice that Michael Angarano is not on my list of amazing people. I mean, I guess he's an OK actor, but his character is an absolute loser. In fact, I would like to personally thank his character Jason for making Americans look like rude, ignorant jerks in ancient China. Like it's not enough to deal with our bad reputation in the present. Jason is supposed to be a huge fan of martial arts movies. He buys bootleg versions of films that he could easily rent from Netflix (he's not very bright). He even watches non-subtitled versions in the original language. His bedroom is wallpapered with posters from classic kung fu films (which leads to a clever credits sequence). And yet somehow, he is absolutely clueless about martial arts and Chinese culture. When he meets Jackie Chan's character, he of course asks to be taught kung fu, because everyone keeps derisively telling him that he has none. He proceeds to refer to moves from Mortal Kombat! Then later on he is shocked and amazed when his training includes painful, humiliating, and excruciating exercises. How could he watch all of those movies and not realize that the whole reason to become a kung fu master is so you can abuse your students? The movie could have been 100% better (at least) if Jason had been written like a true martial arts buff. I have to say that I or any of my friends would cry out just as much while doing horse stance, but we'd expect it. We'd also know to respect our master! And we sure as hell wouldn't ask to be taught Buddha's Palm or Shadowless Kick. Ok, so now that I've got the hate out of my system, let's get on with the review. The real reason to see Forbidden Kingdom is to watch Jackie Chan and Jet Li fight, and the movie does not disappoint in that regard. They fight physically, they quarrel about the best way to teach Jason, and they are all-around awesome. This film is worth seeing for that alone, and I can't help but hope that they might collaborate on future projects. I'd like to go off on a different tangent and say that I heard they were predicting that this movie would be popular with the ladies. As a lady who watches martial arts movies (a lot of them, heck, I'm reviewing two this month alone), I'd like to weigh in on this, and offer my opinion on how to make a martial arts movie that will appeal to girls. It may have been suggested that Forbidden Kingdom would appeal to women because there's a romantic subplot. Please. Do you really think that girls will only watch a movie if there's a luuuuuv story in it? First of all, many martial arts movies have romance involved. Almost every wu xia film I've seen has, and even those 80s American movies did, even if it was just so the villain could kidnap the hero's girlfriend. Secondly, I can't speak for other women in the audience, but I kept finding myself thinking "Come on girl, you could do better than him!" It might have been assumed that Forbidden Kingdom would hit the targeted female demographic because it was in English, making it more accessible... except that stereotypically, it's the girl who pushes to see the foreign film. It could be said that women will like Forbidden Kingdom because it has two strong female characters in it. Actually, I'll almost give them that. Except not. The characters Golden Sparrow and Ni Chang are both beautiful, and good at what they do, and given their moments to shine, but in the end they're still secondary characters and the boys get to do all the big stuff. And if they're thinking that girls are going to see Forbidden Kingdom for the beefcake, I'm going to laugh. The only topless scene we get is from Michael Amparano, and he's nothing to look at. Jackie Chan was never very attractive, and although Jet Li used to be pretty cute, he's getting a bit old. Both masters are so swaddled in cloth that we don't get to admire any muscles, and that's a shame. In all fairness, the boys barely get to see any bad girl cleavage. So, if you want to make a martial arts movie that women will want to see, maybe even women who don't normally watch action movies, here's a few pieces of advice. Have a romance between two characters who have believable chemistry and who work great together. Allow the woman to be an equal to the men. And make those men hot. Tony Jaa may not be able to act, for instance, but boy is he ripped. I know women who don't normally watch action films, but went to see 300 just because of that Gerard Butler guy. If it can work for a graphic novel adaptation, it can work for martial arts!

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Copyright © 2008 By AJ Reardon E-mail AJ at: ErtheFae@aol.com Visit AJ at: www.erthefae.com