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by AJ Reardon
My husband is unofficially in charge of our Netflix queue (read: I am too lazy to go pick out movies to watch). While generally he finds a good mix of movies we love, or at least like, occasionally he makes a really, really bad decision. His most recent decision was called "Sorcerer On The Rocks." I always worry when he puts in an anime disc and says "Well, none of my friends had heard of this..."
Always pay attention when you feel a sense of impending doom! Thankfully, this was a cheap-o DVD that only had 2 episodes (actually, I'm not sure if there were more episodes. It struck me as being an anime based on a manga), so I only lost an hour of my life. Any more exposure to this drek and I might have lost all will to live.
You see, it wasn't just BAD anime, it was the sort of anime that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. The sort that makes you want to hurt the creators in very wrong ways. It leaves you questioning human decency, perhaps even humanity's right to continued existence. Or at the very least, the anime industry's right to your money and respect.
Reading this, you may find yourself shaking your head and saying "AJ got herself some bad hentai," but no, this isn't a case of simple perversion. This something disturbing on a more subtle, emotional level. Yes, I must say, even tentacle beasts are more worthy of love than the main character of this anime, Shibas Scotch (get it? Scotch on the Rocks? Ha ha... I hate my life).
The anime starts out with a beautiful, tranquil scene (actually, I think it starts out with a scantily clad woman high-diving into a clear pond, but I have a feeling many of you would find beauty in that, too). Blue sky, grassy field, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves of a nearby tree. A young woman in some sort of pink and white nurse-ish outfit (with a modest calf-length skirt) goes on and on about the purity of the day and how it refreshes her... Did I mention that around her delicate little neck there's a collar with a chain big enough to restrain a frickin' bull mastiff? This fact is important, because our main character (hereafter referred to as WJ, for Worthless Jerk) interrupts her admittedly annoying soliloquy by jerking the chain and ordering her around, telling her to call him master, etc etc.
Then WJ passes out and his two girlfriend/slaves (the other one was previously swimming in a clear pond, you'll remember) rush over. Do they smother him with the nurse/nun's voluminous skirts and rid themselves once and for all of this clearly abusive jackass? NO! Despite being chained and verbally abused, the nurse/nun (some sort of priestess or something, really) begins some sort of prayer about how despite the fact that he's outwardly such a wretch, she's sure there's a pure and good person inside (meanwhile, the other girl- bouncy, green haired, and barely clad- explains that because WJ is such a wretched person, the purity of this place makes him sick). Suddenly, WJ's hand reaches up and grabs hold of priestess girl's ample bust, then jumps up claiming how much better he feels! The little priestess starts crying (for good reason, that was quite a grab) while bouncy-girl happily states how doing something wretched must have made him feel all better.
At this point, I should have stopped the DVD, but I kept watching with a mix of morbid curiosity and "Hell, I have nothing better to do tonight." Thus, I watched the worst anime ever to besmirch my TV screen unfold with all the grace of an arthritic walrus. Our two female characters are Gin Fizz (priestess) and Kiss the Werewolf (bouncy girl). We're introduced to a man whose name I forgot, who's ALSO loves and adores WJ, and gets punched across the room by WJ because of it. He's also a great swordsman, and would have been the only likable character if he wasn't equally ga-ga over WJ... does anyone in this show have a lick of sense??? We're also introduced to a girl named Million Dollar, a rogue whom WJ owes a lot of money. Yes, she is the only non-villain in the show who doesn't like WJ!
I could go into the whole plot, but honestly, I lived through it once, I'm not going over it again. Besides, this is supposed to be a rant, not review. There are only a few points that need to be noted: WJ makes Kiss and Fizz work as "exotic dancers" to earn money for the group. Fizz finds solace in spending time with orphaned twin girls who sell flowers to make a living, and eventually WJ ends up taking over Fizz's body, which is apparently a common occurrence for these two. While in her body, he dresses like a slut, drinks a lot, and gets into bar fights, while inside their shared mind, she cries and asks him not to. However, whenever he's "asleep", she has control over her body and can go visit her little friends, something the "Master" aka WJ has told her not to do.
Throughout the entire show, WJ abuses his friends, especially Fizz, yet they keep helping him out. As the drama reaches a climax, we learn that the little girls were indeed agents of the evil being our "heroes" are fighting, thus proving WJ right. Curse you, WJ!!! WJ does come to the defense of his little priestess girl... only when the villain scratches her though. "How dare you harm my property!!!" he yells... No, he's not concerned with her well-being. He's concerned with someone messing with something that belongs to him, reducing Fizz to the level of an object, not a person. At the end of the fight, our two main characters are returned to control of their own bodies, and the happy townspeople laud WJ as a hero. Yay, it's over, be gone from my sight, ye work of evil!
Alas, the most evil part was yet to come. WJ turns to Fizz and says something along the lines of "You can't trust anyone but me, because I'm your Master and I'll take care of you." I just had to stop and stare. Anyone who's ever read a pithy Ann Lander's column on the "Top 10 Warning Signs of An Abuser" knows that this is one of the biggies. The easiest way to keep someone with low self-esteem under your thumb is to make them think that you're the only one who loves them, the only one who will be there for them, and then they'll put up with all the abuse you dish out because they believe it. And here we have it playing out in an anime, as Fizz buys into it!!! As WJ tries to cajole the townsfolk (who have to rebuild their town, which was pretty wrecked in the final battle between WJ and the villain) out of a payment, Fizz looks on with starry anime girl eyes and thinks about how while he may be a wretch (f-ing asshole is the term I'd use, but I'm not a pure maiden like her), he IS the master and he WILL take care of her and she'll follow him everywhere... blah blah blah. You can easily see how she's going to fall in love with him and he's going to use that to use her in even worse and worse ways.
So, let's get this straight... We're supposed to identify with, or at least root for, either a JERK who doesn't have a single redeeming quality (well, he is kinda good looking in a cold anime guy sort of way) and uses and abuses his friends, or a spineless girl who allows herself to be used by him (the other characters in the show are pretty minor and exist just to flesh the group out and get beat up by villains). What the hell?
Now don't get me wrong, I have no problem with movies or anime where we're supposed to root for "the bad guy". I love a good crime caper, and I've been known to root for the villain even in movies when I'm not supposed to, because some villains are so damn COOL! But WJ doesn't even rate a "dark hero" or "cool villain." He's a jerk, a user, and an abuser. He's not clever, he's not witty, he doesn't have some glint of redeeming quality under that hard exterior.
What's worse, I tried to warn my friend and fellow anime fan Dylan (Hi Dylan!) about this terrible show. I was too late, he'd already seen it. Furthermore, he broke to me the bad news that there was another series like this, called Bastard. Even worse than this, the people in his anime club like it. And this is where I lose faith in humanity. Not only are a few depraved people actually creating bad anime in which we're supposed to love unlovable characters, but many people actually love them!
Is this a sign of the end times? No, probably not. Do I think that anime like this are contributing to the downfall of society? No, I like to think that people aren't that impressionable. Am I still disturbed? Hell yes! My solution? I'm going to go watch Hellsing... Ooooh, exploding ghouls! That's nice, friendly imaging!
That's right kids, say no to domestic violence and YES to destroying the undead.
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